Since having Hailey I’ve wanted to post, but since 10 years before Hailey even came about, I’d already barely had enough time to do anything. Yet today here I am, determined to make even a short post because I don’t ever want to forget how I feel right now. Spoiler alert, having a baby like her is SO GOOD. 

If I’d known I was gonna get to see HER grow up, I would have never been on the fence about it. I would have swiftly pushed all worries and considerations aside. She’s the bestest baby in the world. She’s just enough fiesty, clever, funny, cute, optimistic, curious, chillax, and sweet. It’s all just the perfect temperament and mix for me. I love everything about her. 

I love it when she burps, and I love it when she poops. If it were anyone else I’d find it truly unacceptable

but with her, I love it because it’s so fascinating that a small body like hers is working so wonderfully. It’s so awesome that she’s growing up well. every burp means she’s getting air out (that babies swallow when they drink from the bottle, and it hurts their tummies sometimes), and every poop means I get to analyze her state of health. It’s like a daily personality pop quiz, except the question is ‘how well are you digesting milk!’ rather than ‘which worm in Sesame Street are you?’ 

Mustard means YOURE A CHAMP MILK PROCESSOR! 

It’s so fun like that. 

Before deciding on having a kid, I was leaning towards ‘not anytime soon’ because I was really hung up over all the shit testimonies online and from disillusioned elders. In fact I even thought I’d not have a kid just to spite those who asked me to. But guys, I’m here to tell you, at 6mth postpartum, that if you have a kid because you want to experience THIS aspect of life, you will NOT be disappointed. cos you’re not expecting any roi although you’d hope for it hahaha but if they do love you in your senior years, count is as reciprocation and acknowledgement of a job well done. Maybe I’m having a good time cos Hailey is so awesome, plus what do I know, I’ve only been doing it 6months, but my gosh that FEELING when you make a baby laugh. It’s like I’m on the top of the world. That feeling when they lean into you cos they’re sleepy and they feel safe with you, PLEASE hold still my heart! When they’re grumpy and DONT want you to hold them, omg so cute they have such a PERSONALITY! they can do no wrong because they’re pure as pure can be. Don’t decide whether to have a kid based on whether you want to spite or appease those Barbaras cos you deserve to have a happy life independent of their opinion.

Kids do seem to bring out some of the best and worst of people though. It’s a lot like a wedding tbh. And on another note, I’m really not one of those ‘I’ve always wanted to be a mom’ kind of person, neither did I have a preg glow or whatever. I vomited all 9months and was placed on multiple hospitalization leaves, and had a long list of symptoms one of which included excessive salivation called ptyalism. on 2 days in week 6 I was so sick that I asked God to take me away. I wasn’t even the one who initially wanted to have a kid, I had to convince myself to have one by reading a book to guide people who’re on the fence, which thankfully was quite a balanced book so I felt like I could own the decision that I make. 

and when baby was born, I didn’t feel moved or like some sea of light parted the heavens. i just thought ‘oh cute’ and was glad. it was more like when the baby started becoming a person with unique personality, around 2-3months onwards, that I grew more and more appreciative of the good lot I’d been given. 

Hailey is so pretty, so healthy, the perfect size and she has such bright eyes. Her sprig of hair (as Pearlyn calls it) is so cute?! How come hair can grow like cartoon style irl?? 

She’s so naughty I LOVE IT. She has a glint in her eye when she sticks her tongue out and makes faces. 

Even if one day she becomes a pulp or wdv, I know I will always love her because I saw her when she was still a fresh angel descended from above and I think (hope) I’ll never forget what her core is. 

I hope her life far surpasses mine. I’ll see to it that she is the most loved ever ever ever. 

Kk goodnight. Gotta pump milk at 3am and then 6am, before heading to work by 745am… then buy my parents dinner (which I try to do weekly)… reach home maybe 11pm. so my Wednesdays are super super long. 

:) not every day is like this but it really is its own type of hustle. 

Tata! Thanks for reading! 

I hope if one day I’m not on earth, that someone will be there to help me love her. TIA hahah