Monday, April 14, 2014

I like this song. I dont identify with it or anything, so dont read too much into it.
I just appreciate that it's not an angry breakup song like most pop music I've come across.
It's gentle and soothing, and not too melancholic :)
Makes me wanna sway happily to it haha, despite the lyrical context.

Anyway, came across it again only because I was on a youtube playlist while I tried to finally get some start on work.
Really dont know how I am to meet the crit requirements, especially with some big shot guest crit coming, as I've been largely invalid cos I'm ill.
I think it's disadvantageous to have the doctor issue the mc. He issues it based on when you consulted him and how long until you recover from the illness, but doesnt take into account of the days leading up to that consultation as well as the inertia of getting into work/production mode right after one has recovered.
May I propose that a consultant issue it instead based on your circumstances?

Got me an mc for two days, sunday (useless) and today...been unwell since last week till it culminated in a 39.3deg cel fever that finally warranted a trip to the doctor's..then had to wait a day for the fever to go down a little before I could actually travel to the doc's..all that unaccounted is on thur. by then I would be clinically not-ill. Which sucks, because then I cant get excused for crit, but have to churn out the work in 2 school-days' time although I was supposed to have 2 weeks...while I'm still reeling from fatigue.

Maybe I will have to retard my course by re-taking this 8mc design mod, and also lose my sponsorship. Thanks for the timely misfortune to remind me that life is tough, but I should be tougher.
Didnt really think I needed it though.

On the flipside, I'm now feeling better! Good enough to get out of bed to reach my laptop and blog anyway. hence, gna finally start on the work that might not save my career (:

haha I apologise for the seemingly bitter note I end on, but I'm not really bitter. I just feel pensive, and my mood's a little like the melody of the song I posted up.

Fool Again. (whats with the westlife members' slipper in the mv though haha)

/edit: lol I feel better indeed but i realised its relative to previously because the temperature is still 38.1deg cel...

and there I was, telling those who asked that my fever has subsided.

Saturday, April 12, 2014
hello :D

just thought it'd be nice to blog when i'm not in any particularly strong mood, so this would be a chick-flick post.

just a random post that cares not for grammatical structure, spellinng, or the need for Capital letters to start off each sentence.

nor paragraphing.

see what i did there???^^

uhm. I'm reading about lineweights and fussing over small details of aki work. a form of procrastination, no doubt, but diagnosis of this condition has yet led to treatment. I've been poorly driven the past two days so I have quite a bit to catch up on. No idea why, but I've been feeling poorly. Even felt rather faint this noon! I thought to attribute it to low blood pressure, cos while camping in the nearest washroom for the faintness and nausea to fade away, I googled about it on my smartphone. One of my parent has low blood pressure while the other has high though, so I've always wondered what kind of blood pressure I had inherited. When I discussed this with my mum today, we joked that (I say we, but i mean HER hahaha) I must have both. Start out with low when I wake, then very quickly alternate to high within the course of the I get the worst of both worlds.


bless you, mommy /_\

She was really cute today, as usual, and we bought nice salmon sashimi to snack on again. She pampers me so hahaha. I didnt have much appetite though, due to my little episode in the noon, then she accused me of leaving/giving in...(okay is there no translation for rang4 the chinese word? Like, kong1 rong2 rang4 li2 that rang4) to her and denying myself good food because I wanted her to have it.

URGH. then i got annoyed and said smth along the lines of "you think i so noble uh?? I eat everything i want!" but she is convinced that i am Kong Rong, so I went to lie in my bed in resignation.

She always think I rang4 other people in my family JUST BECAUSE I used to perhaps do that a little in the past, but honestly though, SHE is the one who always pretends she is full and gives the rest of us her best portion. wth?? why do we need to do that? I live in adequate abundancy...I have enough to survive, and beyond. Having to reject incoming portions repeatedly very tedious leh, especially when she gets mad at me for rejecting, and accuse me of not wanting it because I want her to have it. whut??? /i already have my own oh. my. god. mummy please, stahp. I know she has this cute way of showing love lah, she always like to stuff people with a lot of food to show affection, and I appreciate that haha but right this moment I am not complaining that she loves me, I'm just raging about how I get accused of being noble WHEN I DESERVE NO CREDIT, just because she herself is THAT noble, and she thinks I'm doing the same.

I admit that I used to give some portions of my food because I thought they would value it more than I would, and I'd really rather they enjoy it than me because I dont need excess. but I dont do that anymore because I realised that THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME INTENTION IN MIND and then food just gets passed around and people get mad because their intention is rejected AND they have to busy with rejecting others' good will. but my mummy ah, once she is convinced that you are noble she will forever think youre as such. there is no changing her mind. so i will live till 100 and she will be 100++, and you guys, 100 old selves too, will have the luxury of watching two old ladies bicker over food.

ya ok sorry, ended up ranting.

haha ok i change topic.

ok actually i should do my aki liao I seriously not scared die one is it?? (self asking self).
not-know-die-living (bu4 zhi1 si3 huo2)


ok hm other things happened today lah, like some delinquents provoking my mum and then had the unfortunate fate of bumping into her again elsewhere, my slipper breaking although its Havanas and supposed to be long-lasting(?) but it's quite new leh..and that was after the little faint incident too, and then I bumped into a wenzhong look-alike at a traffic light area and he turned to STARE at me in a quizzical stance, then turn back again as though in thought, then look back again and seemed to be trying to recognize me. So i stared back too because I was doing the same; looked like wenz but didnt seem like him leh..  i quickly texted wenzhong and he said he was at home...the one i had met was likely from a parallel universe then.

and then I also sold my old storybook for a small bit of cash today and the girl customer was SUPER chio. i was quite intimidated cos superchio girls are like, higher beings ):

um. that was more or less the day lor.
um. and also that I watched naruto today.

oh oh and i also bumped into chincher, zhenwei, and steph in the bus otw to school. ccher wasntwith the sweet couple though. as in, they werent travelling together.

ya thats all. byebye.

Thursday, April 10, 2014
Although it isnt supposed to matter anymore because paths diverge and we each experience our own story the way the best describes us, sometimes I just look back at the people whose paths I have seen separate from mine.

Looking at them now makes me wonder if I had ever known them. For one person, I would say that I hadnt known anything from the start. I dont even know if anything in relation to that was real. Yet for others, seeing them now is just as foreign as seeing a random schoolmate I have never had the pleasure of acquaintance with before. Even their appearance; I wonder if they had looked that way back when I was still involved in their story.

The good thing is, however, we have all seem to move on. We have new friends and new outlook to life. We have learnt from our past mistakes and have grown to become a more refined gem. Sometimes I wonder why the mistake had to be me though. Why did you learn from our mistakes, and why did someone else enjoy the benefits of a better you when I had been so sincere? I guess it's fair that way, because I hadnt been who I am today back then either. It's perhaps just my ego talking when I question why I wasnt able to better you.

I know that the friendships etc I have today may suffer the same fate as had previous ones, but beyond noting this phenomena, I don't have much else to say. There isnt anything I would change. I'm glad things have turned out like this so far, and I know no matter what happens today, I wont regret it in the future either because bad is temporary, and good is permanent.

The bad memories of today will become a nolstalgia of how I had overcome them. The good will outlast all.

Monday, April 7, 2014
The nights have never been more lonely. Its another one of those human conditions that surface when daytime distractions give way to a raw awareness of self.

Nothing really displaces this void. Momentary occupancy by welcomed distractions such as work, play, and time with people I care for could happen, but when more thought is given to this state of solidarity, it is futile to deny of its existence and its need.  

Having family, friends, and even a significant other does little to alleviate this condition. I might even venture to say that having since been attached, I've become even more keen of the impossibility of feeling otherwise, because even with all three groups of people surrounding me, I can only depend on myself for true 24/7 company. It is only when I converse with myself in my head that I understand and interpret myself without fear of misinterpretation. No one really knows another.

Despite this awareness, though, I'm not pessimistic. I am but solemn in acknowledging it. At least God gave us beautiful distractions to while our time away on the amazing Earth he has created. There is intuition and there is science; the former of which helps me feel loneliness, and the latter of which gives me perceived understanding of it, so that I will not fear it. There is also choice where there is none; I cannot decide if I will accept this lonesome feeling, as it creeps upon me without permission, but I can choose the kind of understanding that I want to give it, hence dictating my approach to the condition of self.

Well. It just makes me wonder about people who attribute loneliness to the state that they are in - whether they are missing family members, friends, or are single. Loneliness cannot be solved by adding names to your repertoire. Single friends, sometimes being attached even amplifies this feeling, because when you add another happy distraction to your life, there will be moments when you cannot access this source of contentment, and will have to confront the void even more vividly. When the distraction isnt available, the void becomes even more obtuse and apparent. So, yeah. I guess that's all there is to it. 



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