Thursday, February 26, 2015
omg my neck and shoulders. need a massage 24/7.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

admittedly, the canto version is nicer, but too bad idk what she's saying.

heard it off the radio while at home and noted the title. didnt get to revisit it until now.
not sure what the lyrics are, largely because i dont care at this point, but its familiar, and its got a nice tune.

on a separate note,
first day being 22, and no Taylor swift wildness to go with it, but all's been well.
thankful for all who wished me well, and i got to make 3 wishes...which were basically the same wish said thrice..because i had a candle on my first and second birthday swensen ice cream, and a third on my cake,

am i bothered by the saying that wishes dont come true if you say it aloud?
but it's no big mystery because all i wished for was Happiness. For the people around me, and by extension, for myself.

Maybe age makes one mellow. maybe it makes one greed.
but no one can deny that the same wish made over several years mean differently,
and the happiness that i want today is not the same as when I was 5.

Saturday, February 21, 2015
Today I tried to go back to how I was in high school. I feel so different in uni now..more bochup. Hair even more unkempt, and without uniforms to hide my lack of fashion awareness, I am indefinitely more like a huanglianpo. perhaps some people might attribute it to my having a boyfriend. letting myself go can easily be a result of having feel settled and all...but no not really. maybe actually having this one person whom I care to look good for...or at least, good with minimal effort, is what's keeping me from tipping the scale from casually unruly to hobo. I think I care less now because other people in uni simply care less now too. Hair in a messy bun? She must have just been mugging. Wearing pajamas in class? Why not, she practically lives in school.

Just a thought. Is all. But an hour ago, I decided to tie my hair like I used to in high school, and even put my fringe down properly. My only admirer was the mirror but I got to choose the best angle that it saw me from. Finally, a moment when I feel a little more pleasant-looking.

I miss the days in guides, when PT actually happened, and I was kept from growing too fat. Now I'm left to my own devices and exercising is actually a thing I am supposed to consciously DO. It's no longer a nice by-product of my having fun in my cca. Oh my. scary. Can we have a PT cca in school plis. ...and will i join it knowing that the opportunity cost of that is my aki work. Lol.

Sergeant Ong is pretty cute, from Ah Boys to Men movie. I mean, the character. Idk abt the actor cos I'm not on until wna Google him haha. The character reminds me of Eunice, who was the embodiment of leadership. The model that I referred to when I was PL myself. Stern, yet reasonable, sometimes fun, always reassuring. Idk how she is as a person, but the one that I admired the way she carries herself in guides.

Alright time to sleep. Why is my sleep cycle so horrid. It was fine from 2015 new year but ONE cny late night show about chinese flying people (the gu zhuang Xi where there are emperors and lung fu) messed it up.

Long time no blog. I wonder who still comes over to read. Probably nobody but also, anybody.

We all need this one person to mend our hearts, and I'm glad for my best friend. Ain't gna be mushy here because PDA isn't well-received, and hate messages on my expired tagbox aren't welcomed...I've already had my share of them because the hater was upset that my blog was all about me..but yeah, thank you so much for ONLY ever being a source of comfort and joy to me. Thanks for your 100%, and for your nurture. Sometimes, friends can break my heart in so many ways even though they are amazing friends at large, but never you. :-*

One last thing to mention before I go is that I used to reject the idea of girly-girl, so ew to pink, ew to crying, and ew to being near and floral. But now I want to be a princess. Pink ball gowns weaved with dreams and a prince charming eager about me please :) ...also, lots of pretty things and magic animals.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

also, i dreamt that i made sushi and put it in my pants for later.

i wish i had unlimited corn to eat. from a cup. just pure sweet corn like the one from macs without butter.

just corn. unlimited corn.
also, carrot and orange juice, because i am getting myopia at age 22 and i am not ready for this.

yes, i mentioned my age. security breached. noot noot. now kidnappers will know who i am and how much corn i eat a day and then catch me and demand ransom to which nobody can afford, and i will be unredeemed.

i feel like as i get older, it becomes harder to find things special.
festive seasons used to be special, birthdays used to be special, valentines' used to be special too even though it was changed to friendship day in my parental-guidance school.
now its just..."oh better do something to acknowledge it, but yknow, because i have to, not because i want to make it memorable."

will having children around me make me rediscover the excitement due of every celebration?
i want to be a primary school teacher on  part-time basis. or maybe lower secondary school.
maybe for the special kids too. i wonder how they celebrate.

i will give them corn. we will all eat unlimited corn.
and i can tell them about my green bean plants every day instead of bothering my instagram followers with it.

I feel close to my plants because i see them grow every day and theyre just so determined to grow. its like, they dont even care about anything beyond that. The economy? whats that. The education system? i dont know. Valentine's and CNY is coming? uh, okay.
It's like, theyre so purposeful. I wish i could be more like them. quietly just striving.
do they feel sad when spaghetti spills into their bag and ruins their cardigan although they had taken care not to spill it during transportation, but had had to carry it in the bag regardless of the risk because the take-out boxes were burning hot? did they?

i'm not saying that i did or that it happened to me. Although it did. But no, they dont care, and they are happy little plants however deformed or what, because of their germinating conditions.

I wish i could find excitement in life.


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