Saturday, November 9, 201310 little things I appreciate
1. Fresh towels.
They just have that nice clean feel. I have two. One for my hair and one for my body, so that my wet hair doesn't compromise the freshness of the towel which I use to cuddle myself with after a shower.
2. My mother's cooking
Now this is cliche, but only so because everyone can relate to it. My mother's dishes taste like love and familiarity. One day, she will not be around to cook for me, and I will feel lonely; every time I eat something that tastes like health, reduced salt, no MSG, and less sugar, I would want to be reminded of her , so I have to remember the taste of her food well now.
I was with my mom one day while she was at the clinic. I think we were going to check out whether the baby was a boy or girl. She asked me if I wanted a didi or a meimei, and instead if some neutral lovely answer about how I'd love either, I just said that a boy would be better because I'm already a girl (what I meant was that there's already a daughter in the house so a son might be interesting to have). Well, I got my wish:)
My brother is here on earth because I wished him here.
4. My tech-savvy dad
I don't know how he does it, but he knows everything. I put tech-savvy as a subheader because that's a distinguished talent of his, but he really knows everything beyond that too. While people were gushing about cool looking buildings, he was already ahead of me(I was gushing about nice looking buildings too) and remarked that the form isn't priority - an architect is successful if he or she can design a fluent space.
That was before I understood this in architecture school. When I was still easily seduced by pretty buildings.
Oh, and he also installed all the computer programmes that I didn't even know about for me before I entered aki. Now it's so convenient because I have all the photoshop, rhino, etc. He's paving the road for me and I'm just walking along, carefree.
He also knew that Chris was wooing me before I did. (A moment of silence of the wtff??? how did he..??? moment hahaha)
5. My background
Too lazy to describe it , but it accounts for all that I am today. Being born there, living here, having choices...these are what makes my journey through life personal and special.
They are projections of my self, my hopes, ambition, and comfort. They could be my imaginary friends for all I know, because how else can they know me so well?
7. My values
I like myself because I agree with what I believe in. I know you're like "duh", but I like that I am someone who would rather talk than fight, rather save than spend, rather live than strive , and rather comfort than to be comforted. Although sometimes I need the latter..but I have all the above.: #123456 (insert comas yourself cos I'm using phone to blog and it's mafan haha) for that.
Oh I love breakfast. Pancakes, muesli and fruit in yoghurt, mili, juices, eggs, sausages, porridge, ...oh my god I'm so hungry now. It's 7.16am. Wouldn't have mattered what time it is now though. I still like breakfast when night gals.
9. Steak and salmon
Australian beef, jap wagyu, sashimi salmon, cooked salmon in creamy sauces ...my mother's rendition of the above...awesome!
I also am partial to salmon belly above all other salmon parts.
I like my sneakers. Slippers are convenient, but I like my sneakers. Pumps match dresses, and are good for presentations, but I like sneakers.
10 little things, non-exhaustive, because there are so many other things I appreciate, such as having black hair, my extended family, my Chris, his family, Kuching laksa and my grandma's rendition (omg I really need to eat that now), my more tan than fair skin, my freaking messy hair that has become a trademark although I mean for it to be neat (trust me, I do comb it), my friends' families (hanxi 'a mom, Esther's mom, wanying's dad...they're a few of the parents that I feel most qinqie with:D), my art and stuff, biology, my past in track and field in primary school, yada yada.
Just saying. Because I'm awake after having had many sleepless nights doing schoolwork and then having a good crash in dreamland.
I have a lot to thank for. Including my aki friends Qisen Sharon and Alvin, for their help , ESPECIALLY for this digital modeling assignment and class. I really really appreciate it although for the lack of time and my eagerness to submit, I didn't produce work that justified all your help.
Okay going back to sleep now. Sleep is #11 on that list.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013Long time no happy post, guys, so here it is:
YEAAA finished SS essay although its an hour late with 3day-extension. Being anal about writing really takes a lot out of one. I just cant bring myself to submit work that's not satisfactory in my terms though. perfectionist...? Hm I dont see myself as a perfectionist actually. I think I'm just a little caught up most times.
Wrote too much and had to cut down on words, but I didnt want to compromise content so I pretended to suck at english and remove a few 'a' and 'the's, hoping to lower the word count. After all, its not graded on language. As long as the overall thing is fluent, I could pretend I'm from non-english speaking places hehehe (#cheater)
Pearl's been such a dear, continuing to text me although I have had little time to reply. Esp all her encouraging quotes! Anyway I've gotten her 21st birthday present...or at least, part of it cos i'd be sure to add complementary items...so excited to give it to her, but I'd have to wait until end august next year. URGH. Hope in the meantime she wont somehow acquire those items, if not I wouldnt know what to do with mine, haha. Secretly, I doubt she'd get those stuff by herself though, so I've gotten a pretty safe gift :) *rants*
No idea what to give other people yet though...sometimes inspiration for individuals strike. Yet sometimes ideas are elusive.
Anyway, I still have dms (OH SAVE ME) mod's work to do, and I'm very sure I cannot finish, because it takes a hell of a long time to figure out (which is why ive been putting it off). AT THE SAME TIME, there's also design mod to do, and the tutor isnt happy with our lack of progress in design development, so...i'm likely to fall short of his expectations and end up with a blowjob grade (grades that suck, geddit?hahaha. sorry, 20 years of media and mixed-schools have corrupted my humour, and im in a crude mood now)
hey yknow i cant believe i just mindlessly tried to Ctrl+S this blogpost, as though I were still writing an essay.
ok this post isnt exactly happy but at least it's not depressing or some similar shit.
I really dont want to do dms. ):):):): SAVE MEEEEE.
ss assignment due today (copleted), dms due tmr,design due tmr(because I fell ill today and didnt go to class, so i have to make it up by showing tutor work tomorrow. ironic that i think i had fallen ill cos i was anxious about submitting all the work - read: anxiety stomach cramps from webmd), then design due every subsequent monday and thur, and TWO sea essays next tue, then THE FINAL CRIT on 14 NOV.
please attend my funeral with cupcakes.tyvm.
Monday, November 4, 2013is staying alive an act of consideration for others?
"if I...my parents will be devastated"
"if I...who will take care of my children"
don't we all want to be a little selfish sometimes.
Saturday, November 2, 2013Today I woke at 4pm, then idk what the hell I was doing and I went out then I lazed and until now then I finally am on my laptop to do SS.
and i realized what a mess I am living in.
then I facebooked and wondered if others were in a better place. and I wondered if I'd always live like this.
and I feel like crap. just want it to go away. I wish I could disappear just for a while, until I'm ready to come out again.
there's so much shame.I wish it'd go away. there's so much shame, I wish I could get away.
Today is Esther's birthday. I tried to do a post in Chinese but um. that proved to be beyond me so I've scraped it.
Here is my English rendition:
In sec1, she came to my class to see me because we were from junyuan primary school at some point in time, although we had never met prior to that. I don't remember much from that occasion.
When we were fifteen, I msn-ed her. Not really to chat, but to ask her what homework there was, because she seemed like a conscientious person who'd give ma a reliable answer.
In our late fifteens, we sat together and had desk-mate fun. She boxed me and called me her punchbag(well, her idea of fun anyway hahahah), while I was of course, my normal same and demure self. We'd do weird things in class together like do sword fights with rulers under the table, sometimes I'd poke her with my pencil, and at other times we'd just scribble on each other.
Sometime then, she also told me that she didn't like people talking to her just to ask about homework. Um. Oops?
Then later, in sec4, we did a scrapbook for sheng han, our mutual friend from primary school. Cue strange poses along the school corridors and even stranger body contortions to fit the frame in the girls' toilet. Plus some HTHT on random staircases, some wave jumping and much squealing when class outings brought us to the beach.
I'm not sure what happened, but between these mundane activities, I had somehow made her a part of me, and now I cannot imagine the future without her. We're not high maintenance friends; we could go months without talking. Yet there has never been awkwardness when we do interact again after a long break. We don't ever need to make small talk. We could just go straight into the HTHT if need be. On other occasions, we could also just be silly and not do any deep talking. It''s almost surreal to have a friendship like that.
She's the only person whom I would sometimes text in Chinese to, and the only person whom I'd spend hours singing with at a void deck or on a random bench; the only person with whom I have match ing jewelry with , and the only person whom I'd skinny dpi with in the ocean hahaha.
I have the most photos with her because she's the only one I truly camwhore with (camera shy isn't an excuse to her), and oh, I am also acquainted with her soft toy family.
In these years, she has always been there for me. Back when I worked at a cafe and was down , she'd turn up at the cafe with her mother (oh I love her mother!) to support me, although the cafe items were rather pricey, and there was a one-order-per-customer rule. She and her mom would also say the funniest things to cheer me up(eg. Offering to pour water into fake potted plants of those who bullied me as revenge).We'd sing the most silly hi5 songs together and even made a recording of us dancing to Animals by hi5 too.
She's a really good person, yknow. Her heart is a gem and she is such a sincere person. There is so much to say and yet so little to write, because it's so hard to translate everything into text.
I just wna say that in life, few things are as precious as friends, and those who make the cut are there to stay forever.
So happy birthday to the most beautiful person I know. No camera can capture what I see in you, Esther.
A birthday post for a birthday girl, coming up soon but not yet because I'm taking so long to write hahaha
get one from cbox!
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