Friday, March 30, 2012
Dined with Usan and Hanxi yesterday.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Hm, I guess 'Voldy' doesn't cut it for Voldemort anymore if I am to be wise.

Saturday, March 24, 2012
It has been an awesome morning.
Woke miraculously at 06:55AM despite not having set an alarm the night before, with 5 minutes to spare before meeting Jovina for our scheduled jog.
I'm not into regular running, but the both of us managed to do 4 rounds before heading off to Cofee&Toast for breakfast foot.

Ate wholesome eggs, some toast, and satiated our sweet tooth with tea.
I love tea.
I'm reminded of the numerous study sessions with Hanxi back in 2011 at the Wang Cafe.

Really enjoyed myself with Jo today.
Hope this amazing girl can pursue the life she wants.

Met Esther after work yesterday too, and we had had so much to talk about that we lost complete track of time.

Friends-forever. Only possible with friends like these.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Reads complicated steps to apply for uni.
Sleepy, cannot concentrate.
Lies down on bed.
Worries about applications closing.
Cannot sleep.
Climbs out of bed.
Sits at desktop.
Sleepy, cannot concentrate.
Lies down on bed.
Worries about applications closing.
Cannot sleep.
Doesn't climb out of bed.
Worries about applications closing.
Cannot sleep.
Doesn't climb out of bed.
Worries about applications closing.

Worries about applications closing.
...cannot sleep.

Monday, March 19, 2012
Life of an admin temp staff:

Envelope cut,
Cardboard box cut,
sticker cut

...because papercuts are too mainstream.

Last week at my current job.
I've already grown attached to my colleagues, and it's a pity that I'll probably never see them again.

At least I know I've made my mark there. They'll remember me.
I will now move on to settle university matters, and graduate well to impact more lives...

...yet this is not really something that I want to do.
This "making a difference in somebody's life." thing.
I used to think that impacting someone was an impressive and noble feat, but I now revise this notion because I find it cruel to change people, and then to walk away.
Not that I had really changed anyone. I use this term loosely in this context, only to mean that I haven't just been "just another person"; to mean that I had etched a name into their memories.

It brings me to the subject of Friends that Expire.
I coin this term for the sake of referring to the phenomenon in which very good friends outlive each other and become strangers as time stretches them apart.
There really isn't a need to explain this since everyone has had FtE.
By no fault of anyone, sometimes people just grow out of...other people.
It is an affair worthy of slight melancholy, but people grow out of that melancholy too...or are at least distracted from it at other times.

I now know not what to say
it wearies me
you say it wearies you

...not a direct quote, but an apt one nonetheless. Apt for what exactly, I'm not sure. It just feels the moment.

A heavy mind/heart weighs upon my fingers and I cannot lift them high enough to type,
so goodbye.
I'm off to scour the net for distractions.

I think my posts make me look ridiculous. I'll regret them when I'm older/am in another state of mind.
I hope I wouldn't laugh at myself.

Sunday, March 18, 2012
Okay, so things hadn't exactly gone as planned.

Thursday was supposed to be ilight@marinabay with arty farts, but we had had such a fun dinner that the day ended too soon for us to catch the exhibition.
The dinner had been good. The food had been nice, the company had been...crude haha, the staff had been disgusting, and the green tea had been gross too, but the rest of the jap steamboat had been yummy.
Wanying hadn't been there. It would have been so much better had she been!
Hanxi and I had come from work. She had hit the Charles and Keith model look. T'was really nice!
Chua, Bryan, and Jingjie had come from their separate adventures instead and all our styles were markedly distinct.

We saw The Biggest Balloon Sculpture. That's as much art as we had gotten.

Friday had been supposed to be my read-up-on-uni day, but since Thursday hadn't been ilight day, we decided to postpone it to Friday.
Then on Friday, it was pushed to Saturday, so I could go back to my original plans, but...I had gone to visit zhou gong the moment I got back from work, so once again, my plan for ABM(c.f. structured lifestyle) got foiled by my own folly.

Saturday had been NUS open house day. That had gone according to plan. Han and I met in the morning and chanced upon Laiping at the mrt! She was to go shopping with Weian before heading down to the open house. Han and I took a tour around the architecture open studio before going to City Hall to meet the artsies for ilight attempt #3.

We stoned at the basement while waiting for the Bryan to appear. Han had had fun edging me to send him texts telling him that he's hated. After dinner at the food court, we walked over to the Merlion to see the light exhibition. Took majority photos, not with the exhibited works, but with this small tree.

ikr, haha.

After that we took a few more with some konky benches that had reminded me of Wan's art work, though they hadn't been part of the light exhibition, and sat in the Fullerton Hotel lounge to get some aircon.

Next, headed down to Maxwell, where I was the last to realise that we were no longer at the exhibition and that attempt #3 had failed once again. Bryan's dangerous friends then came, and the bunch of us sat at the eating place. I think it's called a food market...or a hawker centre? Are they the same thing?
Sat in slight awkwardness as it was the first time we had met Bryan's mates, but it had otherwise been fine.
Hanxi and I then headed home when the rest of them headed to the club (free entry for the first 100 people), and that was how the day had gone.

No ilight.

Today, I'm going to Wan's, then going to get Linda's cool gift with Pearl! Weian's supposed to be there too but she has pangsei-ed us.
Pearl and I will be going on a food hunt, and I'm excited!
Hadn't met Jenn in a long while, but we might end up in the same faculty this year.
Han, Wan, Jenn, Pearl, Bryan, not sure about Chua?, might all end up in the same faculty.

DHS unite!

Thursday, March 15, 2012
No idea why I had forgotten to post this on Wednesday:

It is 3am.

I'm doing paperwork like an adult, under the obligatory white desk lamp, and on a typical wooden desk. The CPF insurance thing and DPF requires my reading up for better comprehension, but i'm not up for it at this time of the night. I had wanted to check my payroll (done, just need to call on the recruit agency to ask about some dubious deductions), fill up the CPF forms, and also clear my room to make way for my brand new start as A Better Me.

A Better Me generally
1. Refrains from making snide remarks
2. Keeps myself organized
3. Live a structured, healthy life

'Healthy' is something i'm working towards.
Chocolate bars at night do not exactly contribute to this cause, but hey at least i'm adding salads into the equation.

'Structured' is a really tough one because look, anyone with a structured day planned out will probably not be up at 3am, doing nonsense like I do...i guess you could see that A Better Me is far from materializing.

...about the snide remarks...i have to keep myself in check too.
I've said 2 major ones in the past month.
way too many.

I don't even want to dig into the further archives lest i find myself too detestable.

tomorrow will probably be a fun day.
I'll be out with the art peeps at ilightmarinabay. Am excited because i really like stuff like that!

Friday is meant for finding out how lag i am in the course of uni application, and also for cleaning my room to welcome ABM.

Saturday's the NUS Open House and I'll be dropping by the studio to take a look at some sleep-deprived archies, as well as to scout for more options.

Sunday's time to meet Wan at her cute cheesecake place, followed by Linda's birthday gift (looooong overdue) hunt #2 with Weian and Pearl.

Monday, back to work.

Thursday, March 8, 2012
I had just finished a post that I like.
It's a discussion (held between myself and I) about university courses.

I think it best to hold off publishing the post despite the fact that I enjoy the humour (forgive me for my lack of restraint in being bhb) because I don't want to be a joke when I change my mind or if I cannot get into the course(s).

Perhaps next time.
This post serves to remind me of the drafted one.
That's all.

Hope all is well with everyone else.

I am going to drop out of the labour force soon.
Am excited for it to happen so I can take a good break.


Sunday, March 4, 2012
I need to find some time to clean my room.
it is...artistic.
things are strewn across the floor, like an action painting.
There is yet some Pollock in me.

time to figure out what i want with my life.

i strive for appreciation and recognition...
hence i must be the best in something.

enter pokemon song: i wanna be/ the very best/ that no one ever was DUN DUN DUN

going to do some evaluation of my strengths and weaknesses so i can start to tackle all the uni brochure stuff.

before that,
got to be off to clean my room!
a pokemon trainer needs a battle field where his pokemon wouldnt trip over a pair of shorts in the midst of an attack.

(p.s. pikachu's hp is so low!)

So you think you're looking at me, pup?
No. I'm looking at you

through rose-tinted glasses.

It's a night for nostalgia.

Backstreet Boys, why do you tell the world how I feel?

Research is my therapy.
Whenever I'm troubled, I confide in Google.
Pearlyn's right. Some things just aren't within our control, and Mother Nature, you are SUCH a drama queen.

Hindsight distorts.
The above should have been my quote in that quote book.
Just as well that I hadn't submitted a quote then.

Saturday, March 3, 2012
today has been a good day.
the day has been good although i don't know what to feel about my results.
the initial reaction was that of anger, but it had only lasted the life of a CNY sparkler.

am not going to talk about results much because of the dilema i'm in:
not good enough to celebrate, but not terrible enough to receive comfort.
SOOOO I'M GNA TALK ABOUT OTHER STUFF which are more focused bold words below.

Being Happy
had a headache like that of a hangover from trying to keep my mood up today.
met my teacher and headed down to the canteen with some friends.
still high, of course.
she had said, "yall are too happy already."
but i hadnt been too happy.
one can never be too happy.
if not for yourself, then for the sake of others.

oh, can someone remind me why i had had that headache?

Finding support
Met many people whom i had not expected to reconnect with in school today.
Olivia and her kind friend had made me feel less lost, because i know i can always approach them to know what to do between now and uni, should i be accepted into one.

She had given me her number should i need help.

Am so touched to have seen it today.

Today i had been so happy for Hanxi because she has done well!
Being happy for others is a really good feeling.

Met Mr Ethan Tay
...and realised that some things don't change. I always feel light-hearted when i meet him along the corridors, because he's so easy to be around, and he has also said that he'd feel more :D when he sees me because i'm always so high around him.

Mutual dependence.
I like how positive we make each other, and that it hasnt changed since ive graduated from school.

what more is there to say.

Lesson learnt
from this whole incident,
i've truly learnt the redundancy of hard work.
must remind myself not to get too caught up with the "Diligence Delusion".

hard work pays
...the salary of blue-collar workers.

Thursday, March 1, 2012
my pretty wan, who refuses to let me take a decent shot of her.

We had gone to haw par village.

the photo is dated far back into the past, though post-As, but ive only put it here today because i hate uploading photos.

...and i only upload it despite not liking it, because i want to brag about this cool outing with the cool girl.

She had taken this photo when we were at the Amanda Heng exhibition!
This is one of Heng's installations.
it's about missing girls from India and the likes.
Her core message is to bring awareness to gender discrimination.
All the little dresses represent the girls who should have been born. Many are aborted.

I like how the place looks, and the eery feeling in the room (i have a photo of it but i really cant stand uploading stuff onto blogger. blogger, Y U NO USER-FRIENDLY.

I do, however, think her installation had been too literal.
Of course, since it was to bring greater awareness of the sex issue to the public, that works to her advantage, but as an artistic expression, i would have appreciated more insight.
i know i'm not one to critique since i'm no good myself la, but one can have opinions right..?*wry smile*

there are so many photos in my phone.
should i put them on facebook?
i want to go into detailed descriptions though....

maybe i'll still "blogger-them".
when i;m free.

i'm off to look effortless!
(for real, now)


i don't think i had sounded as schizo as i had felt yesterday haha.
thank goodness.

anyway, am back to the good ol' rational me. sort of.

am so sleepy. its the big day tomorrow.
i havent thought through the kind of expressions i'd dole out in the following situations:
a) when the person beside me does really well
b) when the person beside me does badly
c) when i'm the person in option b

i suppose the poker face would be good, but i'm not too good with that.

i kept giving myself secret smiles while at work today, because i imagined myself doing the flip table meme over and over again.
The scene has been looping in my head since Melvin first said "haha just don't flip table can le" in response to my poker-face plan.

muh muh muh muh.

feel kind of silly today.
in a silly mood.
parents are going to school with me tomorrow - my dad, because he's interested, and my mum, because my dad made her hahaha.
they're gna visit my coursework.
yay come see my art work guys.
its clumsy and definitely amateur, but ive put in so much effort that it cannot only exist in my memory.
i have to tear it down soon. cant keep it since its a site-specific installation.

weian said she was interested way back when i had still been at it.

happy max now.
hope i can be happy max tmr regardless of the poor souls who cant keep their joy in check for the sake of those who are stuck in a vacuum of perpetual darkness, well as in spite of those who need some empathy.

off to spend hours trying to look casual but not sloppy!
it takes effort to look like i havent put in any. effort, i mean.
oh the irony.


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