Sunday, July 31, 2011

such a pretty girl oh man!



Saturday, July 30, 2011
so sing along to my stereooo

starbucked with wanying today, then went to popular to get a drawing pen.
exciteddddd to drawwwwww.

then walked around isetan, artbox, and went to the pasar malam too.
wan has a Llama file now hahaha its really strange!

ate some stuff, then went home.

a really fun day.
im so glad i met her.



Saturday, July 16, 2011
SOVA was surprisingly better than i had expected.
especially since i had pulled an all-nighter the day before doing some coursework thing(which i have no recollection of already lol).

section c was still poorly done D:
got to work on that.

kinda worried for GP because i dont want the CT-thing to be a one-off event. im thus sorting my notes into topics now, although strictly speaking GP's about world issues which are interlinked, so idk why i still feel the need to arrange my notes as such.lol.

people are always looking for order in chaos.
which reminds me of this theme that Nicole and A..uh, ive forgotten his name..was given to work on in reality show Work of Art.
the A...guy(who championed the best artist from that show), was critisized cos he kind of ruined the work with his orderly looking chaos painting.
lol.

anyway, i think a break from academics is warranted here, so i shall talk about..

my trip home with wanying yesterday(:
after lesson, wan and i sat in the canteen eating potatos that my mum had prepared.
to my joy, there was still dounai besides fruit punch, which im not particularly in favour of:D

we squashed the vegetable thing that i had done during art that noon because it was too orderly and it didnt turn out the way that i had intended, then looked through the art books that i had borrowed.

then her papa came, and i hitched a ride home.

heard funny conversations on the radio, and caught a song called Sterio Hearts by some gym class heroes or smth, ft. Adam lev...smthn. The lead singer of maroon5.

its niceee.

(:
uh thn i went for piano lesson.

ya thats all actually.
but i loved the ride:D
wan and her papa's very funny.

goodbye.

oh p.s. pearlyn said she missed sitting with me yesterday.
aw:')



i wish i had all the time in the world to learn:D
i dont want to stop schooling boo.



Thursday, July 14, 2011
lousy day.
all part and parcel of a lousy academic life.

school started at 9am instead of 8am today, but i was still late by 30min cos i lost track of time researching about artists.
i didnt even know i was late until pearlyn messaged me about it.

i know i could have researched the night before, but yesterday after school, all i did was the paragraph of AQ that Mr Lim had asked for, as well as the bio essay corrections that till now, i have yet to complete because its so long, before i betrayed..something, or someone, i dont know, and gave in to sleep.

of course, i could have done it on tuesday too.
but again, when lesson ended at about 7pm, all i did was...nothing.
by the time i had reached home (walked with wanying), it was nearing 9pm, because we had spent some time being disappointed about art.
i took my dinner, told my parents that we have to expect perhaps a failure, mopped around my room, and let myself sleep all my negativity away.

when i woke, almost late for school again, the negativity was still there.

so today.
having partially given up on art,
i went to the compulsory studio time without any drawings or whatsoever. only had my mouth to speak of the poor research ive done.
which, of course, upset the teacher.
she doesnt seem to have given up on me, seeing her insistence that i stop doing the wrong things, as well as chiding me for not doing things effectively or efficiently, creatively, engagingly, etc.
well, i guess, i am thankful for her optimism, for which i am highly undeserving.

so after school today (after econs make-up lesson to go through the fail econs paper), i spent time making a list of things to buy for art, then continued doing those bio corrections (still unfinished), and left school at about 6pm.

went to the library to look through some art books from 7pm to 8pm, and borrowed two, then went grocery shopping for art materials until 10pm.
went home, took dinner, then blog.

annoying lady at the grocers' kept peering at the things that i was buying for art, then you know when you guy stuff like bean sprouts, you have to put it in a clear plastic bag and have it weighed right?
ya i put about half a handful of it into the bag, and before i had managed to weigh it, she came nosing into my business and said stuff like "oh, you keep a rabbit?"
"no."
"oh. have you asked if you can take these?"
"i intend to pay."
(i think she didnt hear my clearly) "oh, ya, better ask if you need to pay, if not they'd think you want to steal."

i smiled politely though all i could think of was to chew her face off because she was doubting my integrity and i was majorly offended, and in the end the bean sprouts were $0.02

yes, 2 cents.

so at the counter, i only paid for my other purchases and the bean sprouts were unaccounted for because they rounded the cost down.

-.-

ya. like, what did i say.
it is a lousy day after all.


the only good thing was that while my class was having chem class and i lingered alone in the canteen, the junior that i met becauseof Math science olympiad, Jeremy, sat opposite me.
(:
i like the boy. always so friendly, even though i remember being quite fierce the first time i had met those rowdy (then) yr2 facilitators.

ok. i go liao.bye.



yay ive finally done t3a.
:D
one thing less to do.

tatata.



Wednesday, July 13, 2011
not disciplined enough.

luck can only bring me this far.
i am not an artist.

don't know what i am.

"I'm still alive but im barely breathing."
Breakeven, The Script.

like the song.

got reminded of Joy from 3 Idiots.
lol he died.
so cute.

i kinda dont want A levels to end, though people say they hope for it to pass asap.
i want to continue on and on and on preparing for A levels.
i enjoy it.
i just dont like the constant feeling of low self-worth and stuff. though i guess any art course's like that. Its a markonikov rule.
The better (rich) gets better(richer).
Teachers like to help those who're stronger become stronger.
the weaker ones are a pain in the ass.
alright maybe thats unfair. it may not be true.
but i'd understand, if it were, because working on something with potential is always more exciting what right. heh.

ive noticed it in chem, ive noticed it in art.
but then again, nah maybe not really. i mean, ive only felt it during h2 chem.
h1 is more optimistic, though they keep expecting ex-h2 students to do better than the rest because of our supposed background.

lol. if we had had a good background, i dont think we'd drop to h1 already.
h1 kids always own us.

but i still enjoy h1 chem.
its still more optimistic.


i'm ranting.

oh. i just noticed that my markonikov's not really true.
math wasnt like that in yr4.
Ms Fang was always paying us attention and making us pay attention too.
never felt left out (:

and art, i do feel that Ms Gao's always trying to help me la(:
i only notice the markonikov's in general. not specific to me, because Ms Gao often encourages me to read more about artists and to learn more for inspiration and stuff. I dont feel that they give up on me.

and anyway, Ms Gao tries not to reject my ideas, which is really nice, because artists often seek some kind of recognition, but she lets me know the disadvantages of continuing, so...it's still a sort of rejection, except that i have to do it myself.

i also noticed that art generates the most number of depressed students.
some do it emo-style, some are upset, some break down, some are angry..
lol and some blog about it.

i am sure i dont want to be an architect.
the course sounds EXACTLY like art. the horror.

i want to be a bio teacher. but my bio's getting worse.
failed the CTs. boo.
wanted to be GP teacher, but my GP's not good either (except for CTs, which was a surprise). plus GP is hard to teach.
wanted to be a creative director, but from art, i learnt that i have poor technical skills.

from education, ive learnt more about myself than what's around me.
ive received more tests from life than from cambridge.


i dont feel good when my friends dont do well.
i wish they'd score too.

wish we could all be smart and reap what we sow.



Sunday, July 10, 2011
my butt ached after sports carn, though i have no idea why. i was not engaged in any ball games whatsoever.

yesterday was spent resting myself, and today, i woke, and rested somemore so i postponed my piano till tomorrow hastily.
then i went out, late in the noon, and met haolin:D
he approached me just to say hi. how nice!
fearing that my chinese/mandarin was too out-of-practice for a casual conversation with him, i struggled to and fro between mandarin and english.

the first thing he mentioned was that my earrings had grown bigger.
hahaha. i was an o.O at first, but then he complimented them and said that it was nice, so hooray hahaha.

he had just attended guitar lessons. cool eh.

after that encounter, i went to meet wan at the ice cream shop.
our Blakie ice cream melted into a pool D:
but tasted nice anyway.

talked on the way home, as always:D

then i went for dinner with my fam.
i like salmon bellyyyyy.

havent drawn that thing that i had promised Ms Gao.
gotta stay up tonight then9:

the night has been quite ...explosive.
heard a woman beating her child shitless, while the child made noises that went beyond yelling and crying. he was like tearing at his own throat or something, against the shrill of his mother's voice.

i heard them even though they were too far to be seen, as they were a block away from me, and separated by a road.

the drama kept going for about half an hour, and i was so pissed and annoyed that i asked them to shut up.
usually a passive person, though i do not regret expressing my disgust towards the domestic abuse, i was rather surprised that i had not sat cowardly by my desk, swearing at them.

zzz.

i really want to sleep cos i dont wanna be cui tmr, as esther puts it, but i cant break my promise so here goes nothing...

*plunges into art*



Tuesday, July 5, 2011
it is 6.11am.
the chicken essence does not work.
i am sleeeeeeee-

zzz.



just drank my first ever bottle of Brand's Chicken Essence. Ms Gao gave it to us for good health(:
little wonder that im drinking it to stay awake for art tonight, as well as for art after econs common test tmr.

:D

it tastes...weird.
i dont like it.

but its not horrid.
i hope it helps me stay alert!

shucks so late/early alr..and im not done with art!

p.s. its 4.48am.



Monday, July 4, 2011
digust isnt about snakes, bugs, slime, or internal fluids.
it is the moment when you see that youve been living a lie, and then you hate yourself for having been so stupidly happy.

or maybe more so, for not being able to be stupidly happy anymore.



Sunday, July 3, 2011
ive been feeling hot flashes this past week..like a prelude to a fever that just doesnt develop.

it is horrid, because youre not officially sick and you cant really nurse yourself so you have to continue work, but you feel unwell enough not to be able to do your job well.

ive been watching Work Of Art on youtube under wanying's recommendation. econs is a goner so...well.
i havent been inspired by that reality tv show about artists vying to be the best at the end of the programme, but i feel better knowing that people out there have as much trouble with art as i do.

its a clash between wanting to express, and knowing how, as well as what, to.
another clash, is when you want to express something universal, but dont want it to be cliche.

but im a little bit excited to start on my final work already.
:D
really really cant wait.

i just have to complete my preparatory boards (8 of them) by tuesday:D
whoops. i meant, by econs test.

i really hope what i have in mind, will turn out like how i imagine it to be, because im not very good with...anything in particular.

hanxi's a sculptor, renee's a watercolour artist, jess does collages really well, wan's known for using very close-to-home materials and making simplistic, organic works, huien's a graphic artist, chua's quite a surrealist, i feel, bryan's good with pastel and colour pencils, miao's good with bright colours, amanda's a good painter, heather's works are happy and light (not the usual suffering-artist kind haha)...

i am..
pretty frustrated half the time, lol.


wan kindly said that she felt my forte was my use of colours. but im not too sure about that because i dont often achieve what i want...and i dont have a proper set of colour pencils at home (LOL seriously right. in primary school people used to gimme colour pencils and i'd preserve them cos i like new colour pencils..but somehow my preservations were not well done cos i cant relocate them..)

i used to use faber castel alot;)
idk if thats the correct spelling. pardon my noobness.
though i think isabella (was it? i cant remember) once said that it was not a good brand.
those at art friends' much better, of course. but each pencil costs $2, according to Ms Teh.

well anyway,
im gna work with cling wrap and tape this time round.

i really hope my idea gets approved, because i dont have any back up plans, and my thought processes all revolve around this idea now, as though its already a confirmed piece of work.


ECONS AH ECONS
HOW AH.


i should go do my prep boards(:
a million more to go.

tata.



how it feels to know that 8 boards of art is due 2 days later, but youre not done?

oh, i guess you could say its like rolling around on the road, hoping for a car to run you over, but they just don't.

its that frustrating.




Drakon

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