Sunday, October 31, 2010
today's topic seems to revolve around marriages.
my parents', my relatives' my brother's, mine, and the lack of it for some.

my family had a meal at T1 today.
nothing fancy, just a fast food meal.

my brother went for a haircut, and his head looks significantly smaller now.
much more proportionate to the size of whats inside his skull.
heh.

ok, maybe i hadnt meant that.
he's smart, but he thinks he's not.
he wants to think he's not, so that he has an excuse to slack around and waste himself away on maple story, shooting mushrooms.
so i guess that's stupid.
so he's smart, but he's stupid too.
no, he's stupid about being smart.
or perhaps from his perspective, he's smart about being stupid, cos by doing what he does, he gets to slack.

while my brother had his haircut, the rest of us stood outside this dvd place and watched some parts of nv ren zui tong, some chinese drama. about politics in work and relationship hierarchies. kind of typical.

i was impressed with one actress, so i said, ' eh pa, i think this actress acts well'
he replied 'its easy acting as villians. you just need to open your eyes really widely'

LOL.

so i told him that he'd definitely look like the good guy all the time, and he had this grim expression on his face.
hahaha.
my mum laughed.
:D

my brother and i both got his teeny eyes.
the ones that look like tadpoles.
so basically our faces are like ponds.
some has more weeds than others, and some sprout underwater volcanoes.
lol. pardon the gross analogy.

during our meal, my parents told us that my brother and i should get married in our 20s.
it was quite funny, and we sort of laughed at uh, others' expenses.
cant really mention who though.

after that, i went to the cc to time my op part.
overshot 5min again.
overshot the other day at tao's place too.
kind of ): pearlyn wasnt there.
it just seems weird.
i rarely do anything without her when it involves the class..

talked to jenn online yesterday.
she asked me to do I&R.
hahaha she's the most motherly friend i have :D
i think she'll make a good wife.
i'm a bad husband. i dont take math and my chem sucks, so i'll be jobless and have to live off my wife.

i'm talking to pearlyn on google talk, lol.


i love jasmine:D
she's so cute and thoughtful, and such a lovely girl, even when she lectures me.
(twice. once, for climbing over some green fence thing because i was setting a bad example for the rest, and the other, for saying 'jiaksai'.)
plus, she likes squashing her cheek against mine and thats cute too.

baxter thinks i'm bi. i'm not ok. i am not chemically attracted to females.

oh during the T1 dinner chat i mentioned that i was going to go to europe and get myself a husband.
my dad only responded by saying that there are many cheats in europe, and my mum said her relative went to europe and ended up marrying her cousin because she couldnt find anyone else.

guess that means they dont really see me with european.
:\



Saturday, October 30, 2010
watched abit of movie with 5c45+some npcc people in class yesterday,
then trudged home in the rain with jam under a purple umbrella.
'twas quite langman and exciting!

jam, xingfang, jas, tao, keith, chongxian, and bax were in the classroom, and we watched abit of despicable me.
the roller coaster thing was scary. it was almost vertical! D:
left when the uncle came to lock the classroom doors.

went to the cc, then slept for awhile before going home to sleep again.

this morning, went to bedok so that DH075 and DH074 can do OP together.
we went to tao's place.
Had a tedious lunch because DH074 wanted to do some filming, which interrupted everybody's meals quite a few times.

Thanks so much DH075!

Baxter almost vomitted because we let him eat some uh, distasteful stuff.
but he braved through the ordeal LOL.

viv jas and i had ojian :D
whee favs.

had an exciting trip home as jas viv and i role played and made a drama series about Beauty and the Beast (the chinese, 45 version.)

Viv was the audience, jas was the reporter, i was the zhubo, um..the rest of the characters cannot be named, but they were the yeshou, the meinu, the chao man de qing ren, and the huai ren.

jas says we should do this more often.
heehee i agreeeeeeeeeee.

i love 5C45:D



Wednesday, October 27, 2010
today's a bad day.
i was up to my forehead (neck, is an understatement) in work yesterday night, which forewarned the resulting xiaoming day.

last night was a frenzy of smses reminding science society members to bring phototaking items, doing up duty list for science society's GoSH! booth, as well as polishing, distributing, and memorising OP script. all due one after the other.

i thought i was going to fall apart, but luckily, whatever fall i had made, was into sleep at about 1 or 2AM, after browsing through my part of OP script.

i woke up with a pounding head and slightly red eyes. My hair was a mess because...well its always in a mess. I was supposed to see Dr Yap at 7am to discuss science society research project but i was late. i reached school at about 745am. Somemore Sandy said she had a headache so she didnt come with me (but she got better in the noon and came for GoSH :D).

fortunately Dr Yap and i hadnt decided on a specific time to meet, so i wasnt really not-punctual, just late. but it was a bad start to a bad day anyway.

was quite late for flagraising because Dr Yap maximised talking time, so i had to run.
i hate running in public. so shi tai, since i'm not usain bolt or whatever.
anyway, i joined this random column of yr5s just in time not to get scolded by teachers.

next, went for GoSH briefing by Mr Chia. Then went on to practice for OP trial's trial.
First practice.
i felt unprepared.
and worried.
then nervous, when i stepped into the classroom.

i dont usually feel like that, so i thought it was pretty bad.
i wasnt familiar with my part yet.

when i spoke before the crowd, my legs were shivering (although nobody else seems to have noticed. Ms Tan even said i appeared confident.). Plus, although i tried not to read off the script, i got caught reading off our group's laptop as miaomiao clicked on the slides.
hahaha.

Then went for GoSH. alternated between science society and SC booth.
SC booth, house flags kept toppling over every 30seconds. science society booth, quite uh, no, too peaceful (that was before yr4s were released to browse the booths).

then after the shift, went to do OP, then left to submit WR pretty soon.
discussed abit of pw, then left.

pearlyn was chionging her WR, and i didnt know how to get to NTU without her (and jenn!)'s help so i waited. anyway, even if i had known, it was safer to travel in pairs.

if 1 person gets lost, she may never see home again.
if 2 people get lost, they can start a new home.
not so scary then, right?(:

uh so while waiting, i got spotted by science society members at the zhengxinyuan so i joined them for phototaking.
i thought i wasnt going to participate this morning so i lent yijia my cca shirt. turned out that i joined. (though this is not 'bad' la. i didnt mind lending the shirt. i wasnt supposed to be phototaking anyway).

so i had to smile even though i was one of the few in school uniform only.
it was fun though, with yijia sam, joshua, winston xuexun etc.
winston was mean to me about some white bugs in the zhengxinyuan. stupid kid.
-_-

pearl and i left for NTU at 5pm.
then we took a shuttle bus from pioneer to NTU.
hadnt eaten anything the entire day):

we didnt know which bus stop to get off at cos
1. we (i) lost count
2. uh. well. it's pearlyn and me wad. we always do these sort of things.

then we ended up back at pioneer mrt before we realised it.

so we ran back to the side of the mrt where we can take shuttle bus again.
luckily a bus was in sight immediately.
we ran over,only to find that its the same bus we just took.
the driver refused to let us on and drove off.

we waited long for the second bus.
i managed to get one bread.

then we got off at the more correct stop in ntu (the bus almost went off with me when pearl got off cos some lady was giving me directions and the bus driver forgot that i wanted to get off) and walked a great deal before reaching the talk venue (some econs talk).

we were just about to enter, when the door opened and people started streaming out.
the talk had ended 15 min early, and we happened to reach 15 min before scheduled ending time.

i.e. we didnt catch anything at all.

saw yeoch and his friends (he told me wentian'd and yokeming'd be there but i didnt see her.), then left for home with pearl.

we walked uphill for a long while before reaching the shittle bus place.
it was torture.
pearlyn, at one junction, wanted to sit down and roll back down the slope.
LOOL.

she really just stood there, looking roll-y leh.

we were both spent.

so yada yada, more or less end of recount.

its not a really xiaoming day, but its enough to make me feel like ^&*!$^*)*&( being a reuben.


( good things that happened: chenteck and i combined forces to tease reuben about shiyi. that was fun. oh, and we finally submitted WR. YAY happy pears!)

end.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010
ok..not as prepared as i thought we'd be.
but nevermind, we will improve.

):
i'd wanted it to be so perfect.

guess perfection'll have to wait.



i'm sleeping 1 hour earlier than i did yesterday. 2AM.
pw ah, pw, you make me live like a sec1 kid again.

pearlyn the madwoman slept at 4AM yesterday leh.
insanity strikes again. hahaha.

i went to the cc today. then hours later, yongjing happened to come. pw-ed for abit (him, not me), then i went home to meet miaomiao online.

been doing script ever since. dont know why i always do things so slowly.
-.-

i'm excited for OP.
i like pw as of now.
<3



Monday, October 25, 2010

i think the biggest problem with our world, is that everybody is under-appreciated.
there comes a point, when nothing matters anymore, and you're so torn that even if a cow tramples on you or if people throw daggers at you, you cant get any more mangled than you already are.

maybe its not just a point. maybe its a wooden plank.

i dont know if its healthy not to care.

all i know is that it keeps the cows and daggers from coming.




Sunday, October 24, 2010
OMG i have the biggest headache ever from joy!!!
JOY JOY JOYYYYYY TO THE WORLD

AHAHAHAHA

MISS TAN SAID OUR WR WAS GOOD!!!
GOOD LEH!

ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO WE WERE THE WORST GROUP YOU KNOW?
THE HOPELESS KIND, THE ONES THAT ARE NOT COHESIVE, NOT WHATEVER BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Then we almost gave up, but we thought, sigh, just do a better job lor.

the second time we met her, she said we improved, and we were overjoyed! if she had rejected our draft again, we would have given up completely.

but then we worked harder when she acknowledged our improvement, and now

WE'RE GOOOOOOOD!

:D

i'm so happy that my head and my fingers and my eyelashes hurt heehee

gonna do an ever better job with OP

:D :D :D


its the happiest ive felt since. very long ago.
forget about my own troubles; about dropping chem, about the retest, etc.
what matters most, is that sometimes, even if its not most of the time,
hard work pays.



Stolen Voices is a good book.
The concept is very similar to A Brave New World, except that its more colourful.
(TBNW and this book talks about a controlled world, where people have specific roles to fill in for the sake of so-called peace and unity. Its about how complete perfection is actually kind of scary, and involves alot of lies and brainwashing.)

This is how the story more or less went (skip if uninterested):

Stolen Voices is about this girl (Miri) who's been living in a weird place controlled by someone called the Masker. This Masker run the totalitarian state by sucking young people's energies (in the form on their voices. as in, their ability to speak out, not just to make sounds, yknow?) once they reach 15 years old. In order to be Masked (which is sort of like a celebrated ceremony marking adulthood), the kids had to discover their Talent (so that the Masker can suck it and make it his, duh).

Miri was thought to be unTalented. Actually hor, its just that her talent was too special and rare to be identified.lol. but then right, the unTalented cannot be masked as a first class citizens (like the rest of her friends). They can only be masked as 2nd class ones, so her parents, who were both high officials, begged the Masker to extend her Masking by 1 year. They couldnt believe that they had given birth to an unTalented. Their younger son had had so much potential!
Thus, being high officials serving the Masker, they were granted that extra year.

But it only meant that if Miri still couldnt find her Talent by then, she's have to be masked as a 3rd class citizen. The Servants. Those who could not speak, even if they wanted to, because their masks sort of inflict pain or something when they break the rules or try to say something.

So she was kind of upset la. Then she sneaked into some room to see the secret process of Masking. Her friends' Talents were stiffled by the masks, and they became kind of lifeless. Sort of like, zombies. They obeyed the Masker. This is when the Masker drinks their energy and sucks their life away.

Miri still believes the Masker is good and whatshit, cos she's been brainwashed her entire life. Then she gets caught by the Masker, who can read her mind because he drank someone's Listening Talent, and is imprisoned because the Masker thought she threatened his rule.

He wanted to mask her the next day so that she's be docile and uh, stupid, i guess.
Thats where she met his servant. a girl called Melody.
That servant's from an outside world called the Secret Valley, and she has the Talent of camouflaging, so she pretends to be a Masked Servant to steal Masker's musical instruments for the outside world to clone and make music (the Masker believes sound is evil, so he destroyed all intruments and only kept 1 set for himself). She helps Miri escape.

Then she gets into trouble with the Masker, and Miri, with the outside folks, saved her and the rest of the zombies.

The end.

Oh yeah, Miri's talent was that she could conduct music. Sound was physical energy in that world, and if everybody made noises with coordination, they'd create destruction, so she had the most revered ability to weave the energy beams together to form music, and create harmony.

Then she ruled the world with kindness and goodness, plus alot of music.

I like books/movies like these. Those that challenge and question reality, sanity, and basically very abstract ideas. Its scary, isnt it. Having your belief shattered.

Do you remember how it felt like the day your mum admitted that Santa Claus was your Dad with a potato sack hanging over his back?

yeah. nasty discoveries, eh?

(:
off to do up pw. whee whee whee.



Saturday, October 23, 2010
woomigosh ive got pw!
cant go to the cc afterall.
i thought pw was tmr.
D:

tata!



sometimes, 'screwed' doesnt even begin to describe the condition one is in.

i went to the cc yesterday to finish a book, after the aep nite thing.
the book was not interesting. quite the opposite, in fact, but i couldnt just leave it midway.
my phone had run out of batteries, so i used the clock at the cc to guide me.
in order to make it back before my new 11pm curfew, i started making my way back at about 1030pm. i had planned to take a long walk.

it felt weird to stroll as slowly as i did in the central area, near the malls and stuff, since everyone else was rushing. it was as though i was swimming through a different, retarded time zone, while everyone else passed by me, drag-free.

i hadnt wanted to reach home. go home, yes, but not reach it.
walking has a very calming effect.
but i couldnt loiter around the area, because i was paranoid after reading another book about a serial killer and rapist.

well, nothing interesting happened. i stopped to look at lizards and cockroaches, like i mentioned last night, but thats the most that had caught my attention.

i made a plan to go to the cc again today, dressed in yellow and white, because those were happy colours.
but i woke up late today, at about 10am, and had to do abit of science society stuff, before i could go out.
plus, i realised that i dont have any pastel yellow clothes.
most of my wardrobe's navy blues, and school based attires, which are anything but 'happy' or 'calming'.
they speak more of 'lazy', and are always worn when i'm too lazy to pick out something good.
so yea, i'm still at home.
just showed my parents my report book.
no biggie. i got cheated of 1 attendance day though. so did pearlyn.
Mrs Chang said that it was troublesome to reprint the results slip, so she asked us to make do with the attendance flaw, and said that it was our fault for not notifying her of our presence.

i'm not happy, of course, because i feel that if that excuse was acceptable, i could also spot calculation mistakes in my test papers next time and not inform the teacher about it cos its troublesome to change my marks.

but what can i do?
we are, but pawns in a chess game. the authorities are the players, and we go by their rules.

perhaps naivety may have led me to think i could believe otherwise, but growing up means travelling further and further away from utopia.

i'm not just saying these because of that attendance thing. its just a small example of the many unjusts and inconsistencies in life, where people often make exceptions to the rules that they have come up with.

yea.

i told my dad last night, ' pa, lao shi jiao wo drop chem.' when i reached home.
'ok. good. chi bao le mei you.'

'... chi bao liao.'

...
if you had parents like mine, so easy-going, so unexpecting of you, wouldnt you want to give them more to be proud of?

ok, perhaps even if you dont have parents like mine, you'd still want to do that.
lol. what i stupid statement i had just made.

i think i'll go read what other art stuff, or life lessons zhou has to give.
(:

then i'm going to the cc.



Friday, October 22, 2010
i like this happy colour.
i saw a lizard eating a fly while walking home.
i'm the one walking, not the lizard.
i saw a cockroach too.
it looked happy.

she seems happy to get me to do it.
i've never seen her so efficient, so on-task.

she never even asked why. how. what happened.
like i said, she doesnt care.
not everyone is like her, of course.
which makes it all the worse.
some people care. and that's so sad.
i care too.



Thursday, October 21, 2010
i change my mind. i'm an upset pear, and pw sucks.



Wednesday, October 20, 2010
i kind of think i like doing pw.
oh dear, friends, please do not hate me for having said that:\

The Happy Pear Productions.
i'm starting to feel like this may be as good as 4k pw.
though times with those 3 kudians are still irreplaceable.

:)



Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Happy Pear.
(:

Its great having someone love you as much as you love them.
Esther...i managed to get my milk tea in school today, HAHA.



i want to have a dream too,
because having a dream is brave.

It's making choices, sacrificing other possibilities for one.
It's being determined, understanding the potential disappointment i may face.

but i dont have a dream.

):



Monday, October 18, 2010
Real Insights and Reflection about pw, are probably full of vulgarities:D
hahaha ive seen too many rants about it online, when i googled 'i&r project work'.

i miss promos.
wish i could be mugging now, instead of doing pw and hearing about how screwed up my wr is.
sigh.

life was good with ella, songjia, and stephen.
(:
National Healthy Lifestyle Campaign.
our cool fruit-vending machine.
our amazing monopoly game about healthy lifestyles.
the fun times we had at stephen's clubhouse, as well as in the national library, as we sprawled on the floors and let songjia entertain us with her idiocy,...

songjia, long time no gay (':



Saturday, October 16, 2010
I realised that while i often think of friends whom i havent spoken to for quite awhile, they're thinking of me too.

I was surprised to see my name in your post.
(:

Thanks.



i was reading a book about Sleeping Beauty's sister, who was blessed/cursed to be untouchable by magic (lol). When i read that she had been locked in a dungeon, i thought about the scariest types of dungeon ever.



I think the most perverse type of cell is one with such a low ceiling that those within it wouldnt be able to stand straight, or would have to scuffle around on all fours.

It'd be so oppressing, i'd just go insane.

If it were dark and had no windows, insanity would only dawn much more quickly.



As i lay on my bed with the book in my hand, imagining myself in such a cell, i thought i felt panic.



o_o



I think its great that humans have a habit of living in the present. They may think about the past or their near future, but they're always living in the present; basing their future on it, and modifying how they feel about their past based on it too.



I guess its precisely because of this, that we dont usually frenzy over after-life. If there's such a thing.

Yet, if there isnt, then what's in store?



There is no such thing as 'nothing', because 'nothing' itself is 'something'. right?
After death, is there anything?


Feelings, thoughts, senses, sound,...all these cant possibly just disappear.
There is more to life, than just physicality, so when death comes, where does life go?
surely life and death are not opposites?


Its annoying that the passing of life would be a mystery that no one can ever solve.
Especially for someone who's been living in a place where many questions are often accompanied by answer schemes.


I wonder how death feels.
not how dying feels... that, i sort of can imagine, but death is a totally different matter altogether.


Do you believe in atoms?
What are atoms? Electrons orbiting nuclei that consists of protons and neutrons?
heh. what a meaningless definition.


its just defining a term with more terms. It doesnt make sense. you just keep listing more and more terms, until you realise that you dont know what an atom is.


this is how the world feels like to me.
its so complicated. complex, even.


What am i?
skin, bones, muscles, fats.
see how we often answer questions that require definition by using mere terms?
anything else that brims on abstract ideas or concepts are often too deep for me to consider.


Things are often categorised into tangible and untangible. Yet, is there anything thats tangible?
When you hold a wooden ruler, you think its tangible because you feel and see it.
but yet, arent touch and sight types of senses that are quite intangible?
i mean, the feeling of touching and seeing...those are not concrete, are they?
So how do you truly know if the ruler is real?
):



I should stop reading that stupid fairytale book.

zzz.



Drakon's One Night Stand was (Y)!
Everyone was such a sport. Loves my 5C45.

The Dragons are a nice bunch of people (:

I heard this really nice song during the y6 farewell event.
Such a touching and apt song for the occasion.
:)



Saturday, October 9, 2010
i agree with esther's post about blogging. or rather, caring about what you blog.
it is tiring. and it defeats the purpose of writing a post in the first place, because whats a good diary post without some personal opinion, which may very well include bitching and whining right?
(:

heehee. i saw the moguixiaomei photos.
cuteeeee.
Thanks, Esther and ShengHan. That's the best birthday/valentine's day present ever.

I'm not too sure if its normal to, you know, not be upset about.uh.that.
its weird. and its been one whole day.
surely even if im lag, i would have felt something already?
i dont want to seem like i dont care.
D:

oh, btw, i chose ocean,mountain, flower, train.
(uh i'll explain this another day, esther.)

ok, off to pw!
then meet the dragons.
then i'm bringing 5 girls home.

envy me, boys.
kekeke ;D



Friday, October 8, 2010
Jovina Night was madness, hahaha.
we ate, talked, and played with the most embarassing toys around in toy shops.

There's this wriggly wriggly thing that has a light ball inside.
it feels really gross. like, sticky plastic/rubber.
we had fun whacking and shocking each other with it.
especially the ball versions of that wriggly thing.

played with helmets, baby trams, etc.

walked around the rest of TM, went to look at snacks, then walked home together.

ah, loves:D
cant wait for Dessert Tuesday!

just asked yongjing how the sambal dinner went.
seems to have been pretty exciting too.
:D
i imagine how happy shuhan felt when the dinner was re-arranged, heehee.

:D



exciting much!
gonna eat with my banmian kaki:D

gonna watch The Invention of Lying, then The Ugly Truth today.
great day, whee.

i wonder what he had wanted to tell me ):
is it about chem? O_O



Thursday, October 7, 2010
not saying anything.
until i know its socially acceptable to do so.


i finished watching confessions of a shopaholic!
its touching too, though bride wars was a better tear-jerker.
its all about friendship.

:D
i watched it here:
http://www.awooh.com/index.php/confessions-of-a-shopaholic-2009/

this link is soo good hahaa.



Monday, October 4, 2010
4K chalet was sweet, and so was 5C45's event.
havent really squeezed in such small rooms with so many people before.
i mean both in the chalet and in the medium-sized room 5c45 got today.

PW tomorrow, then lecture on wednesday, then anzio.
followed by script checking, then one night stand.

then perhaps i'm going back on sat for science society.

post-exam no longer starts with 'S'.
for 'S'lack.





oh, wanz, get well soon!<3



Saturday, October 2, 2010
too little, too late.



i think Mr Alan Tan will stab himself with the lab scissors after all.
Maybe my econs, bio and art teachers will join him too.

):
if i take Mr Alan Tan's place, i'd be able to spare 4 lives.

heh.
i cant wait to get my scripts back.



Friday, October 1, 2010
考试之后才觉得累。
一向来都只顾明天考什么的,突然之间改成了必须烦恼如何享受假期的每一天。
一点也不享受。

生活的意义要到哪里找?
它需要被寻找吗?

难道没有意义就不快乐?
那是谁说的。

:\

我可能会喜欢上没有意义的生活。
是它一直陪伴着我嘛。
日久生情,不是吗?


it was fun with chen and niang this morning and noon.
(chenweiwei and yanghuiting)
great times with dragons too.

i'm so glad i'm in drakon.
they make me feel welcomed.
:')




Drakon

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