Friday, April 29, 2011
Today esther gave me a really good scare as well as an amazing surprise!
she messaged me during the art trip today and said in a very serious tone that i should check my email asap because there's an urgent mail. i was damn worried leh! but, being the ai mian zi person, i pretended to be cool about it(tried) and told her that i wouldnt have access to the internet till later tonight so it'd have to wait.
then after parting ways with wan and chua at tampines mrt area(they went for dinner tgt), i half ran home LOL.

AND TO MY UTMOST SURPRISE, i saw that SHE HAD WRITTEN A PQ ASSESSMENT OF MYSELF FOR ME!!!

what does this mean? it means that

1.she still visit this ban si bu huo de blog!
2.she thinks i'm worth the amount of time that she had spent doing the pq up!(having done others' PQs too, i understand how difficult and time-consuming it is)
3. i got to see how much she knew me and how involved she is in my life from the way that she had written the PQ


i am so touched! THANKS ESTHER:D
ive just finished sending sandy some science society stuff...gonna bathe now. goodbyebye!



Thursday, April 28, 2011
im so proud of the PQs that i have written for my peers. i think i can make a business out of it liao hahaha. but why is it so hard to write my own?):
wish i could see myself from a third person's point of view so that i can write objectively, and without humility.
this is so harddddd. someone, please write my pq for me boooo.



Wednesday, April 27, 2011
fralala. went for drakon cip interview today.

kind of excited about working with children, though they seem too smart for me! *sweats*

the interview took longer than expected, and its kind of scary actually, because we had to think on the spot and browse through our entire life's worth of experiences to fully answer the questions.

but it was much fun!
laughed a fair bit throughout the entire trip.

tomorrow chem test! 4 topics D: i havent started studying cos there has been so much going on!(plus, i slept the long weekend away from bad flu). will probably start after i do CCA stuff.

maybe i wont study.i dont know. so tired boo. havent recover from flu yet, though its sooooo much better than before. yay!:D

JOVINAAAAAAAAA!JASMINEEEEEEEE!CHEN WEIWEI, AND ESTHER HONG! TAI BANG LE, GWH! CONGRATS!

i'm meeting Mark and Dr Yap tomorrow..

Seven a.m., woken up in the morning

Gotta be fresh, gotta go dhs

Gotta have my bag, gonna have no break

Seein' everything, the time is goin'

Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'

Gotta wake up from my dream/ stop

Gotta catch my breath, i see no end



Sleepin' in the front seat

Sleepin' in the back seat

Gotta make my mind up

Which seat can I take?


i like Black spoofs.



Saturday, April 23, 2011
helloooo. the paragraphing thing is not fixed yet. i have to post in the html format and put < br > (without the spaces) after each paragraph to separate it. yucks.

i'm sick. really bad flu that has had me wasted my entire tissue collection, plus an annoying cough. been feeling feverish too, but my temperature, as indicated by the thermometer, is not high. in fact, its lower than my usual temperature, though i feel as though i could boil an egg in my blood already.

good friday was spent lazing around. i'm reaaally unmotivated. i googled about why i feel feverish, then i googled about art (which reaped ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.), then moped around and slept so much that i think i'd decay on my bed.

then i googled "why am i so lazy" and i got a yahoo answers search result.

i am not just broke these days. i'm in debt. class fund, piano fees, forgot to pass hanxi $50 for art..

gosh i sound like a bum. jobless, lazy, in my sweatshirt all the time, in debt, angry/sian/-.- alot of the time...

i read black beauty in school last thursday. my love for reading has been rekindled(:

but everytime i read, i know i could be doing something else for academically worthwhile, so i dont. though i dont end up doing the academic stuff in the end either cos i'd mope around.

i'm so screwed.



Monday, April 18, 2011
my life really revolves around a few things only. at each point in time. you can tell from my posts.


at one time, it was all guides guides guides.


at another, art art art.


sleep is always a hot topic, of course.


lol i'm so boring that i bore myself to sleep. again.


today linda told me that she missed me during chem (while i was away at art consultation). happyyyy:D

and xiaowei, pearlyn loh, and muni cheered for me during 2.4km run today. (though i didnt do well today. boo. Ms Kuah said that i could have been better. hm. guess i'm more happy that miserable about that, cos it means that she thinks i can do well whee.)


today jas helped me carry some of my art stuff around school cos i had alot on my hands. thanks so much jas:D gratefulness!


xuhong jasmine and i discussed our 2Anzio days in the canteen today. had so much fun:)


jess said that we shouldnt be stressed about art cos Ms Teh said that being upset'd make us physically ill.

yeah i agree leh. i felt as though a fever was coming on today and kept asking people if i looked/felt/seemed sick.


jovina even touched my forehead. not scared i pass the potential-fever to you ah hahahah:D


drinking pokka green tea now. hoping to stay awakeeeeeee.



really sleepy. how? sleep first then wake to do work, or work, then sleep?

usually "work, then sleep" doesnt work cos i'd sleep anyway, and i'd produce lousy work.

but sleep then do work? well, prior to the "do work" part, i kind of need to wake up first..and i doubt i will. really. there's so much risk involved.


i need to do some art. some proper drawings, because whatever i use to do are unacceptable, and i need to read the books that ive borrowed about art (which im interested in:D ooo architecture! im hoping to be able to steer my project into the architectural direction. though i dont know how to, and if its advisable to.)

i also need to pack my bag so that i remember to bring my art stuff tmr! if not, i can eat shit and die liao.




wahhh super sleepy D: howwwwww.



Sunday, April 17, 2011
Virus reminds me of my Teacher.

He/She also thinks that we will choose option a) when he/she puts us down, and he/she gives comments that are not only frustrating (because it makes us feel stupid and small), but humiliating at the same time.



when someone thinks youre not smart enough, what do you do?
a) work harder. i'm gonna prove them wrong.
b) yeah whatever. ignores you.
c) why bother with any work then. it wouldnt help since i'm not smart.
d) punch their face.
e) indulge in self-pity.

i think few'd choose a, because people only improve when they are reminded that they can do better, not when theyre told that they cant.
i really liked the scene from 3 Idiots (hindi movie), when [spoiler]............................................................................
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Joy writes "I quit" on his wall and commits suicide. I'm not being sadistic about it, and i dont promote death or wdv...but i do know that this thought (the suicide thing) has crossed many's minds before, at one point or another (i can name 4 offhand). Yet its a fantasy that few will live out.



Tuesday, April 12, 2011
this is a positive post simply because i need it to be. it will negate whatever's happened in school today:D today, i had fun in school and pearlyn made me a paper crown which said "swishy queen".(LOL?) kajun was very friendly to me and it made me want to set fire on boys(in general) a little less. hanxi and chua offered to help me with art. wan and i had a romantic stay in the canteen after art, under the stars(separated by the schl ceiling though). she had an exciting egg-eating moment. eggciting. chua invited me to dinner with han and wan(though i'm too broke to accept for this month, at least. i keep eating in school.) oh another happy thing. i get to eat alot in school. after wan went home, i sat in the canteen by myself and came up with a really poetic line. it could be the title of a song too. but i dont want to share it on the blog wahaha. pearlyn msged me and made me smile because she's so lighthearted, funny, concerned, comforting, and she tells me things that we like to talk about/discuss. my mum made pizza for dinner. i will sleep now even though i havent studied, because i kept thinking about bad stuff. that's a good thing. sleep. bye.



Monday, April 11, 2011
how come i still cant type in paragraphs?): blogger, why euu liddat? maybe i try to colour code each paragraph. today i didnt get scolded by Ms Gao for not having done anything over the weekends, even though i had expected her to throw me out of the class. i was pretty demoralized and stuff after ages of stagnation, and i felt like giving up since i wasnt gna do well anyway..[i've always been a best-or-nothing-at-all-person.(c.f. the time i wanted to throw my silver sports day trophy away cos it uh, wasnt gold)...]but i think i received some kind of omen from a higher being, which encouraged me and made me feel renewed enthusiasm for my coursework(: i was bracing myself for a big scolding, and was pretty ): in the morning..so much so that linda noticed it from my backview, LOL. but when i went to the artroom, Ms Gao said she had to observe lessons in another room, so i felt less-pressurized and had time to do some planning on a piece of paper (a continuation from last night's work). Then, sensing the lightened mood (as is often the case when teachers are not around and students are free to express thmeselves), i began to work on my ideas and even started on a small model that i expect to complete tomorrow!:D Wanying and hanxi cheered me up loads, and i wanna thank chen weiwei for showing concern this morning even though i probably looked as unapproachable as i felt as i dragged myself to the art room. Isabella told us some funny life stories too, and it made me :) too. whee. i went back to class with much :D-ness (until some trivial thing happened in the lecture, which i'm sure nobody noticed, but i minded alot..haha), and it lasted till past-napha. was happified when pearl, jas and weian kind of acknowledged my presence during the gp lecture too. i felt that i hadnt been forgotten even though i share so little academic time with them cos of my subject combinations:) (though yea la, they looked and giggled in my direction, and passed notes to me during class to "comfort" me about having to listen to a gp lecture about math--my nemesis. hahaha.) napha was quite alright. i havent done my 2.4 and i expect to do it next monday, but today's 5 item stations were fine. i got what i expected. poor sit and reach, but otherwise good performances.(ok actually i thought shuttle run was a goner too, cos i prefer long-distance running, but i turned out to be surprisingly ok. that was the only unexpectancy.) i still separate my post into paragraphs for the sake of writing conventions, but whether it shows on my blog like that or not is really not within my immediate control. paiseh. oh, and ive told pearlyn this (my like-minded bud), but i just wanted to say again, here, that i really like linda. Glad we have H2 Math periods to spend with together. i like my friends:D



Sunday, April 10, 2011
i dreamt that i had fever at the beach, and my teacher sent me to someone for a bath, for 30cents. a lady gave me a thorough bath in seawater and the bath took hours. when i was done, she told me that it was $30.00 and i was slightly surprised. then i dont know what happened and i woke up, almost late for piano. im so lousy. i feel lousy despite the A for PW. i doubt i can get straight As and i'm really unmotovated/undisciplined. im so sleepy all the time, and i slept my saturday away. then i slept today too, before piano, and finding wanying. art should be a hobby, not an academic pursuit. at least, in my case. i wish i hadnt taken it, because i want A. and art doesnt garauntee that. its probably a false dichotomy, but i feel as though i must choose between A for art and lower grades for other subjects, or the other way round. ah sigh. this ranting's pointless. bye.



Wednesday, April 6, 2011
i slept really early yesterday. still woke up late, and was almost late to school though. lucky i still have 1 leg to run with. had a long dream, but only remember parts of it. i think it was 2 dreams actually. one was of me, running around in the current dhs campus, on the 2rd floor near the spiral staircase, with my tooth. t'was large, like a clay/dentist-style model, except that it was mine. i dont remember if what i felt was pain, but i didnt feel fear. i just didnt know what to do with that tooth so i carried it around in my palm, trying to find someone for advice. the second was longer. or at least, i remember more. i was at a camp with some kids that i dont know. then i made friends with some person A. not very close, but she was someone i stuck around with since i didnt know anyone else. then we were brought to a sort of small drain in a part of the campsite (the rural, trees and grass kind), where we watched this poor squirrel-like animal get chased around by some sinister-like fox/weasel animal to and fro the drain. poor thing, the smaller animal looked like it was going to break down but the weasel seemed to be enjoying it. sicko weasel. the squireel-looking thing squealed for help many times, and idk if i was the only one who had heard/understood it, but i was definitely the only one who seemed to have noticed its appeals,... but i didnt go help it cos i was too cowardly. i was afraid that get into trouble with the weasel-like thing for messing with its sick game. though i felt really ashamed and guilty, it was not enough to make me risk my safety for the sake of the squirrel's. ): i'm a horrid person. hope im not like that in real life, sigh. the weasel's really really very scary.. the campers were constantly warned of it and we lways tried ways to protect ourselves from the weasel...from night patroling, to sticking with our buddies 24/7 and travelling in large groups etc..having torches with us wherever we go too. when we lined up in twos to determine the buddy thing, i cried to that friend of mine "stand here leh D:". but she was indifferent to me and shifted up the line that she was in. i ended up with this small looking girl, whom i later made friends with too. i never saw that friend of mine since then. maybe cos the campsite was big. anyway that small friend didnt look japanese, but when i asked for her name, she told me some long jap thing, so i attempted to talk to her in jap and i asked if she spoke japanese at home. to which she replied yes. uh. then i lived in constant fear of the weasel until i woke up and was almost late for school. the end. i dont know how to infer the deeper meaning of dreams, though i believe in Freud's theory about how dreams are our mind's way of organizing the things that we learn in the day, and that its our subconscious' way of accessing our consciousness. but in case i ever want to find out about my dreams, at least ive got them archived here.



Monday, April 4, 2011
noon spent at wanying's on sunday was fun:) sat birthday dinner was good. today talked to pearlyn and learnt alot. tomorrow. ah tomorrow is a long day. hope linda's ballet competition went well. i like linda even though she's queer. so glad to have friends like jenn and pearlyn. lovely to be around hanxi and chua as well. wannung, where art thou. JIAZHEN CONGRATS!!:D youre amazing i'm so happy for youuuuuuu. my post is meaningless. i'm a little too spent from the day to type a proper post. till next time, MOFO. :D




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