TeoEe ♥

Thursday, October 3, 2024

every time I feel like I wna gush about hailey I have nowhere to go except here hahaha because i always want to gush and I always have nothing new to say besides how cuteeeee she is!!!

I love my little hailey!!

my special, cute little buddy whom chris says is a ‘strong independent woman’ cos her teacher says she always wants to do things herself (without the teacher’s help).

if not for the shit part of pregnancy, I would want a million haileys hahaha

Thursday, September 12, 2024

Almost my last day of work. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster today.

Leaving is bittersweet. I have equal sense of pride in how much ive overcome but also in how much I won’t have to continue to overcome hahah. It hasn’t been easy but I frankly enjoy my job cos I really like my supervisor, clients, colleagues, consultant team, contractors and the nature of running a project. But boy do I need a break. esp since I have the professional exam coming up and I’m only able to haphazardly prepare for it. I find it really difficult to put time aside to study when there’s outstanding work to submit, and plot twist there is always work to submit. As they say in my office - It’s always fire-fighting 😆 so yep, put in my notice.

Today I was invited to lunch with two of my clients as a farewell gesture. I was so happy cos I really mostly keep to myself and totally didn’t expect this, and I’m also just really glad that in such an intense work environment, they’ve taken time out to make me feel appreciated as a person. They’ve definitely formed a part of my core memories.

:) there’s so much to say but so little time. in fact it’s 1am now and I’ve just finished sending some work that I want to put out before tomorrow’s meeting. I can look forward to sleeping at 9pm every day for the next few months hahah :)

Goodnight all!

PS Hailey is the bestest in the world. She is joy personified.

Funny thing, recently we’ve been trying to teach her to say her name, and she said it right the first time but subsequently decided to warp it to ‘he-hah’. same thing as ‘strawberry’, she used to call it berry but now she just says ‘bah-tur’.

While chatting with chris about our future trips, he suddenly said ‘we can bring heh-hah’ 🤣🤣🤣

hahaha I just about doubled over 😆

How can he make fun of her liddis?? she can’t defend herself she’s just a baby!

well anyway okay time for me to sleep. lemme know what you think. Is it right for a papa to make fun of his baby??

a) no wayy!! papa should be eat pray love!

b) yess way it’s not name-calling cos sHe sTaRteD itttt!!

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

really very tired from work sia. I need sleep.

is anyone even surprised only 7% architectural graduates stay in the industry.

hello there, it’s yet another check in from me.

It’s lunch time at work and I’m quite sleepy but there’s no better time to pop by and so here I am.

I’m here again to talk about my little hailey and how funny she is as a person. She’s definitely a cool girl and I’m the wannabe who wants to be her but ain’t her. Every time I try to hug her she presses my face away with the palm of her hand 😆 why tho hailey?? i just want some baobao!

but every time she sees me back home, she runs towards me so fast that I just feel like a gazillion fireworks have been set off in my heart. she drops everything to come rushing towards you and her little body is still quite wobbly but you can tell she’s not holding back cos she lunges with all her might. I wanted to film it but it’s not easy cos if I have my phone out, she gets distracted by it instead. I feel like her oasis every time I get home.

She enjoys songs a lot and quite like books as well. She’d say “bus” and do the wheel motion to tell me she wants me to sing wheels on the bus, and she’d sign “again” before I’d even finished. In fact she’d sign “again” throughout the whole song.

And the best thing is when she dances along to the singing! To teach her “Sun” in Chinese (I’m supposed to be the Chinese parent but I sometimes default to English), I say “tai yang” and sing the “Grandpa Sun wakes up from bed” song popularized from a very old Channel 8 show starring Chen Liping as Aiyoyo Laoshi.

So I do the whole routine with the “tai yang”, rooster “wo wo” call, “forget all your worries” hand gestures,

and she does it too - but one step ahead of me! 😆

she doesn’t always dance along, it depends, but now I know that she can.

And also, she can say “apple” but she doesn’t usually do it. She just says “a-”. I only know she can say the full word cos she’ll randomly call out ‘apple’ in the most irrelevant contexts like when she’s crawling down my bed.

maybe one day if I’m not around, she may discover this little blog where I write about her and from then, she may know more about how loved she is.

her favourite pastime is a game of catching. she either runs on her own or she scuttles into papa’s arms and he carries her while I slow-ly slow-ly…very slow-ly…. fastfast fastfast fast fast catch her hahahaha. sometimes I even jump! she laughs and shrieks like it’s the most thrilling thing in the world. sometimes when she falls, it sounds like itd hurt and I’d stop and say ‘hailey are you ok?’ but she’d continue like it’s nothing, cos nothing can stop her from this game 😆 When she eventually tires (way after her parents have worked up a sweat), she runs towards the monster(you) and gives you a hug to ‘save you’ so you transform back into a nice parent again.

Again I can’t film much of this cos it’s hard to film and run around at the same time. The baby monitor’s recording makes it look like true crime. So.. guess it’s just for the memories haha.

If only I had a team like in Return of Superman to film her moments discretely hahaha.

Can’t wait for her to run her first errand like in that Japanese show.

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

hello there.

today is an ordinary day. although it was felt quite differently compared to other days.

as usual, I play with Hailey in the morning and then go to work. I rushed a lot and was chased left-right, and I felt my heart race the whole day from the tension.

I’ve also been kind of more emotional these 2-3days. so although having a fast-paced workplace isn’t something new, today I just felt especially nostalgic for the past.

I rushed a lot of work, then ran out for a quick lunch by myself cos that’s the fastest way to get it done, then I got scammed by an uncle who sold me a rotted avocados by quickly throwing it into a bag and then tying a dead knot over it when I asked for his advice on one that’s ripe for tomorrow. We even chatted about how I’m buying it for my baby and he still decided to scam me anyway. but well that’s just one small thing that happened.

so on the way home, I thought about how I missed feeling the way I did in school. when my steps felt lighter, when I’d engage in the most awesomely useless hobbies like browsing for jokes, like when I’d make my hair and play dress up in my room so that I’d feel cute. I’m not discounting the challenges back then too, but oh what a mood back then. I mean, I wouldn’t go back to it, but I’d sure love to bring some of those better moments into the present.

It’s great now but boy do I miss youth. I left work at 830pm, and put on my earpiece to search for a song I hadn’t heard in years. it’s rather early, yes, but I wanted to just send out the most urgent items first, then go home so I might hopefully see Hailey again before she sleeps, before picking up the other tasks once she’s in bed. Well spoiler here, I didn’t reach in time for that. I’ll see her tomorrow :) she’s the light of my life. She got me running from the mrt back to my house so that I might see her just for a little while. It’s a blessing to have someone that makes you want to run hahah. I figured when she’s asleep I’d pick up where I left off, and do those ‘2359’ tasks I’d promised, but I ended up here cos I think I deserve some me time. (I’m super tired though, I really want to sleep)

But anyway, back to that mrt ride.

So I put on a song from a Taiwanese idol drama that instantly brought me back to those earlier years. when I looked up in the carriage, as if I was starring in a local short film, I saw myself in the reflection of those mrt panels. good lord did I look leathered. I know, it’s so dramatic, but that’s what it was.

I thought about how awkward it’d be if I wear a frilly sundress now, as I sat in the day’s grime in an oversized thick black unisex shirt, with office-friendly loose pants to match. A very minimal bag that tries to say absolutely nothing, no statement at all, so that I may blend into anonymity where I’ll be safe from judgement and recognition, and the kicker is that it isn’t even chic and minimal cos it’s stuffed with daily necessities like an umbrella, emergency loose tissues, and plastic bags.

There is no flavour to this look. I have shoes that I love, they’d be so cute if I’d had on a buoyant A-shaped skirt, but with the rest of my outfit, my unkempt hair, and spectacles that has accumulated so many scratches you’d think it’s frosted, I just looked like the leftover fibers of a juiced apple. Dry as heck.

I do so want to wear a cute frilly dress. I want to not feel embarrassed to look like I’m having fun. But I’d be appalled if someone saw me looking feminine now.

In a very pathetic attempt to change something, I let my hair down. it didn’t fall freely cos it’s been strung up the whole day, so it remained curled and tucked introverted against the sides of my neck, and then I put on a mask cos I thought I might cry. and we all know, when all these conditions are met, the chances of bumping into your high school crush becomes exceedingly high so I had to make sure I wouldn’t be recognized.

how tragic to have become like this.

but yknow, I think it’s just my ___ thats weighing me down. when I have the ability to free myself from the incessant grind, im sure I can rejuvenate into my favourite kind of me. i can’t see when that might be, but I’ll try to figure it out.

Kk cmi alr gotta sleep. didn’t even do the 2359 tasks but I’ve already accomplished a lot today. guess I’ll have to eat into my PH tomorrow.

Friday, January 19, 2024

Hailey is the bestest in the world.

can’t believe there was this much untapped happiness just waiting to be discovered!

Monday, January 1, 2024

I love my hailey so much.

she’s the bestest in the world.

Friday, November 24, 2023

my Hailey - 8months

Hello this post is dated so soon after the prev cos I drafted the prev one and then forgot to post it until now.

The previous one was 6month pp but now I’m 8months pp and it’s just been getting better. it’s unfortunate that I have to go to work cos I just want to be with Hailey all the time. And Hailey is current in her wanting-mom phase so I’m enjoying it while it lasts. She cries when I walk away from her though (to bathe, to eat etc), so that’s heartbreaking to see. but when I approach her, she always laughs and breaks into a crackle. her eyes crinkle when she’s happy. I always have a really good time playing with her and at night, chris & I review our daily loot (of pics of her) together before we turn in.

I’ll say “wna see my loot?” and he’ll say “but does yours have THIS??(some other pic of her doing smth funny)”

I never thought I’d be a “photo of my family on my wallpaper” kind of person cos I don’t like when people chap my personal life. I hate it when ppl ask about my home, my fam, see pics of me with them, etc..cos I like to keep personal things personal. Eg I don’t even like when colleagues ask me non-work stuff like where I go during leave. My office didn’t know I was married for a good length of time until idk who (probably my bosses) mentioned it. I don’t like it when people ask me “how are your parents?” cos bruh unless you’re 2 specific friends of mine, I don’t want to share that info with you.

BUT.

Here I now have a printed pic of Hailey on my phone case. It’s not for others to see but more for me. Whenever I see her naughty face on it, I just get a small little shot of dopamine hahaha.

Ok anyway 8-mth Hailey is very active. She has clear preferences for people, food, and toys. she has a specific favourite toilet she likes to hang out in, she likes to grab my red hairband, she picks the “bicycle” puzzle out from the vehicle-puzzle-pieces set. she eats certain stuff and pfffffts out others. right now she seems to like mini oranges, tofu, spinach is ok, salmon. She doesn’t like omelette although she likes egg whites. She doesn’t like minced meat (probably cos they taste like pebbles since they’re so thoroughly cooked that they’re dry).

She will roll around in bed and lunge at stuff to get them cos she hasn’t gotten familiar with crawling yet. She’s very close to getting it but shes very wobbly. She will pull herself up by grabbing my shirt. And she has stopped eating cloth which I kinda miss but I guess it’s for the better haha T_T. My wet sleeve days are over. Nooooo. She also doesn’t stretch her arms out in hopes of baobao anymore. She uses her newfound mobility to do even more hahaha.

She’s very fun to be around ^^

Kk I’ll continue this post another time. I’m excited for my friend who’s in Germany to have her own bundle of joy! Now I feel secondary happiness for those who are gonna discover this dimension of happiness the way I did. ^^

Ofc everyone is gna have a different experience - me enjoying time with my bb doesn’t mean anything about my thoughts with regards to childfree life etc. I think at the end of it all, just respect that life is life, whether big or small, young or old, and fluffy or not etc. so set free that spider in your kitchen, redirect that ant away into the wilderness instead of squashing it, celebrate those who don’t want kids, and accommodate those who bring kids into public spaces like planes or restaurants. Cos only entitled asshats think ‘ppl nowadays are so selfish for not wanting kids’ and ‘if your kids are gonna fuss, don’t bring them out in public’ cos like bruh let kids express themselves. and let childfree people do too. you asshats don’t have claim over spaces except that of your own home. so stay safe in your basements, or 6 feet under. Thanks :>

Thankfully I don’t know such people in my social circle (except this Barbara who said not having kids is selfish). So im just having an imaginary conversation with those netizens who fit the shoe. Hahaha kthxbye

Drakon

get one from cbox!