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Thursday, May 26, 2016
So adult life is lonesome. I figured that out last night ao I sent my dad a heart emoji for no reason and he thought id sent it wrongly. Lol no heart for Pearlyn is normally yellow, to Esther red but sometimes I choose green, and to Chris, a strict blue.school isn't easy. I'm not gna tell my kid he or she has nothing to complain about just because I might prefer primary school to working life. It's got it's own challenges too, and for a 7 to 12year old, it can be tormenting to wonder why your parents put you in a system where your free time is subjected to school approval/public holiday privileges, and to wonder why you have to wake up so freaking early because to a child, the system doesn't exist. It makes zero sense to follow the ritual of going to school when I can easily just...sit at home and watch tv all day. . But the one thing you can't discount from primary or secondary schooling is the opportunities for you to express your character and to make friends with it. The freedom for expression is unparalleled. Work is different. The people may be really nice and all but if the spatial layout of the office is sterile, it's just hard to have fun. For a social person like me that is. Okay to be fair, work at Shigeru Ban office and seeing CPG has shown me that it's not always the case, although I ought to be careful with the Ban example since his brilliant staff aren't allowed to chat during work hours much, to show seriousness in work. But as in intern, I had the best time because all the interns were together in an open studio, free to communicate while Photoshopping or making models with the foam cutter etc. I liked going to work then. CPG on the other hand, has switched to an open plan since the move, and the VP is an awesome fun expressive guy so I think working there would be less lonesome. The staff somewhat chat too although because of the nature of work and it's need for concentration, the atmosphere is not as brazen as high school. Still, the people there were really awesome too and when I was in CPG they would come over and ask about me whenever they are free. Like lunch time or on the way back from the pantry. Great thing about work is that it seems (at this point. To me. Who hasn't had a job yet, only internships. But this current internship is at a place I will work at when I graduate, as I've accepted their bond for a tuition sponsorship) work stays in the office. When I go home, I still think a little about work but I don't have to. I think. This is unlike uni, or even high school especially if you do H2 art, where night and day merge into one and every second you're not doing work is a travesty. Weekends spent going to the mall with your family was scarce and when you've already procrastinated homework for so long, having to make a conscious decision and promise to spend yet another 4 hours out walking around with your family just sounds like the wrong choic. even if the procrastination you've made on say, 9gag or even yahoo answers, have already amounted to the gestation of 20 babies. Then again, understand that the procrastination is time taken away from you without needing your permission, whereas saying you'd hang out requires a verbal promise and an acknowledgement of your lazy bug. Okay so. the point is. work is like this. It was like that when I worked at the cheesecake cafe, and at the starhub admin position, as well as now. Adult life is so very lonesome and the only real connection I have is with my best friend via text. (Even then, I often don't reply in real time. It's like letter-sending speed, where we each write tons but at staggered moments. By moments I may mean days. Yeah sometimes we don't talk for days because we spam each other with so much content that we have to find a good time to settle down and form a reply). Chris is always working too, albeit from home, but because of that he doesn't have a clear distinction between work and life, and he's always working on his...work. we cook and have dinner together though. But okay maybe I'm just feeling like this because I've not gotten used to the office style life yet. But I never did get used to feeling like I was robbed away from socializing time and the freedom to be expressive previously. Maybe one day I need to set up my own practice so I can set the tone of my workplace with a higher degree of control/influence. Or maybe I need a career switch. Syah is brave enough to do that, but idk if I will. I feel like I've already been invested in too much. It's expected of me. That said, life isn't too bad. I just watched a video on my Facebook newsfeed yesterday, of a person throwing himself off a tall building. He hit the pavement like a rag doll. Ironically, knowing that there is always this option to leave the system and the race is what unshackles me from the constraints I feel. Before I ever do that, I could be homeless, I could be a homemaker, and I'd still be somewhat ok. Like that primary school child who wonders why he/she has to conform to the school system, he is comforted by the knowledge that if it truly gets too hard, he could just stay home and nobody can make him do otherwise. although nobody would let him, in the end, the action is his to take. Strangely though, imaging myself as homeless rather than simply under-employed sounds less humiliating. |
Drakon
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