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Sunday, September 15, 2013
I feel terrible and nauseous because I'm not in control of my life. I take much longer than I think I will for my assignments and it makes me feel like I'm not keeping up and that I'm unlikely to ever catch up. I guess it's a combination of underestimating the tediousness of the tasks and my own lack of efficiency as I often invest time in the wrong things. For example the Ss elearning thing I thought I'd have settled by Friday, but little did I know that the 10min quiz would require more than a day worth of readings(I take long to read because I try to absorb and memorize things to make my reading worthwhile...but too many unfamiliar names make it difficult for me to follow..ache, Batavia, srivijaya, Sri tri buana...), and afterwards I realised that other people had just submitted a quiz answer with possibly minimal reading just to get the solutions and then attempt the quiz again with the answer sheet in hand. In light of learning, it is counterproductive, but learning is forced...I stress, "forced" to take second place to submission and deadlines. I'm thankful that the Ss module does actually promote learning by giving us feedback and answers after the quiz, providing forum discussions, and giving us infinite attempts at the quiz so we can learn from our mistakes and try again...but one module cannot change our schooling habits because other modules require adherence to strict and TIGHT deadlines...and to achieve that, sometimes the goodwill of some other pro-learning modules must be overlooked for us to scavenge for more time to address those uncompromising tasks.I try to feel good about having done some learning, but knowing that it's at the expense of my grades somewhere else, it's hard being glad because noone in the future corporate world will care how I got those grades. Or how I didn't. I won't even get interviewed if my paper qualifications fall short, so again, I see how learning is secondary to achievement. This makes me sad because I'm not good at being grade-oriented. If I were, I wouldn't mind this existing system. After all, one could also say attaining grades is a skill. You either learn how to learn, or you learn how to score. Both are skills nevertheless.but. But I'm not. Sometimes I wish I would feel good about myself. |
Drakon
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