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Wednesday, July 13, 2011
not disciplined enough.luck can only bring me this far. i am not an artist. don't know what i am. "I'm still alive but im barely breathing." Breakeven, The Script. like the song. got reminded of Joy from 3 Idiots. lol he died. so cute. i kinda dont want A levels to end, though people say they hope for it to pass asap. i want to continue on and on and on preparing for A levels. i enjoy it. i just dont like the constant feeling of low self-worth and stuff. though i guess any art course's like that. Its a markonikov rule. The better (rich) gets better(richer). Teachers like to help those who're stronger become stronger. the weaker ones are a pain in the ass. alright maybe thats unfair. it may not be true. but i'd understand, if it were, because working on something with potential is always more exciting what right. heh. ive noticed it in chem, ive noticed it in art. but then again, nah maybe not really. i mean, ive only felt it during h2 chem. h1 is more optimistic, though they keep expecting ex-h2 students to do better than the rest because of our supposed background. lol. if we had had a good background, i dont think we'd drop to h1 already. h1 kids always own us. but i still enjoy h1 chem. its still more optimistic. i'm ranting. oh. i just noticed that my markonikov's not really true. math wasnt like that in yr4. Ms Fang was always paying us attention and making us pay attention too. never felt left out (: and art, i do feel that Ms Gao's always trying to help me la(: i only notice the markonikov's in general. not specific to me, because Ms Gao often encourages me to read more about artists and to learn more for inspiration and stuff. I dont feel that they give up on me. and anyway, Ms Gao tries not to reject my ideas, which is really nice, because artists often seek some kind of recognition, but she lets me know the disadvantages of continuing, so...it's still a sort of rejection, except that i have to do it myself. i also noticed that art generates the most number of depressed students. some do it emo-style, some are upset, some break down, some are angry.. lol and some blog about it. i am sure i dont want to be an architect. the course sounds EXACTLY like art. the horror. i want to be a bio teacher. but my bio's getting worse. failed the CTs. boo. wanted to be GP teacher, but my GP's not good either (except for CTs, which was a surprise). plus GP is hard to teach. wanted to be a creative director, but from art, i learnt that i have poor technical skills. from education, ive learnt more about myself than what's around me. ive received more tests from life than from cambridge. i dont feel good when my friends dont do well. i wish they'd score too. wish we could all be smart and reap what we sow. |
Drakon
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