xoxo

2012-01-22T00:45:00.003+08:00

yikes. im just like that 18 year old guy. the sharp stings had started after my long jog this noon.

i'm still blogging. its an ancient past-time compared to all the new online social platforms these days.

ive never thought to switch to wordpress or livejournal etc...the admittedly cooler hosting sites.

its not worth the trouble since i like posting nonsense anyway.

i like to post things that people dont care about, like the time that i wake, the food that i eat, and my random thoughts as well as dreams. its really like a diary. i dont capitalise the first letter of every first word of every sentence and i dont use good english although i try to sound coherent, and yes, i do think the content of this blog is inferior to the inspiring thoughts of others in their online journals, but nevertheless i'm comfortable like this.

if i am to die soon, i'd sell all my things and spend all my time earning money so that i can afford my parents' retirement.

i want to paint.

the good thing about taking Art as an academic subject is that the hours spent painting and drawing is for a legitimate cause. One doesnt have to feel like one is idle or that one should be doing something "more purposeful". Time is specifically set aside for creation.

it's different now.

when i want to paint, i think, "ah, i should really get down to spring cleaning if i have the time, tsk."

2012-01-21T22:39:00.003+08:00

I think i have a brain tumour in addition to diabetes. The diabetes is diagnosed by my mother, based on claims that i eat too much sugary foods.

The tumour suspicion is due to my personality changes, slipping grades, headaches, and a ruptured eyeball last friday.

Perhaps "ruptured" is an exaggeration. There was a red streak, as though my cappilaries had exploded after hours at the office desk.

I had blogged about a dream this morning but because i think they often bore people, ive drafted them for my own reference.

In summary, it had had an Al Gore message about saving the world as we know it from impending doom, as well as a somewhat biblical reference to the destruct of the modern world by flood. I had eaten scorpions that had tasted like prawns, kept ants as pets, as well as talked to gypsy-like women in the After-flood (A.F.) era. When the world was replaced by a rural global-village sort of place, rather fit for the dinosaurs i might add, some of us lamented over the technologies that nobody else would believe in (only a group of us remained) and we feared that one day, they will be so far back in our minds that we may relegate them to mere fantasies, legends, or even myths.

Today i woke up after 10am :D

TGISaturday.

Gave myself a long bath, then went out for a jog until 3pm.

Alright thats not exactly true, i had jogged until 130pm and then sat at the grand stand to watch videos on my phone until 3pm.

It was really nice being on my own.

There were some blue collar workers pushing heavy machinery onto the field as well as digging up soil. Their cannoned yells of instructions that had merged into rather incoherent noises reminded me of pioneering days/scouts. Not in a bad way. It was actually quite cute haha.

went to get lunch, then slacked online, and napped till 730pm because the exercise and meal had had me down. Or perhaps it's the fatigue that comes with diabetes.

woke with a headache and other stuff that had prompted me to read up on brain tumours, then had dinner and watched How It Works with my dad. Learnt how steering wheels, chocolate, instant pizza machines, incense cones etc are made. Rather interesting.

Oh, watched Japan Hour too. The hosts were two cross-dressers. My dad says they're popular Japanese comedians.

When one of them had gotten onto a cable car thing (the ones that look like flying benches?), he almost zao geng-ed from that short orange skirt. My mum had been rather alarmed but her reaction was met by a disinterested response from my dad, "he's a guy. nobody cares."

I've made exciting plans with Linda, and am bainianing Hanxi too.

i've also watched 4 series of The Big Bang Theory save for some random episodes here and there.

Little birdies are meant for befriending. Anything more is uncalled for.

I think i'm no longer an INFP.

I dont feel as in-touch with my thoughts (maybe its the tumour!) and feelings, and i can actually feel some sort of restraint when i try to be more creative. The restraint is logic, i guess, and i kind of appreciate it, but i also miss the times when i used to make less sense.

i think i've located my tumour.

Time to research.

Bye.

2012-01-01T03:29:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR :D
It's been an amazing....ly....tedious year and i'm glad 2012's here!
This year had started on a great note cos Wan had given me a wonderful surprise by showing up suddenly!!!
We toasted a Carlsberg at my doorstep and exchanged some (perhaps awkward) new year greetings haha.
talk about having the booze and the lady eh? *sleazy look* i am so lucky.
LOL

Reflections on 2011
1) Could have done better. So much better.

Reflections on 2012
1)...some sushi'd be great.

This year, i hope to be able to continue keeping in contact with some primary school mates, i hope to spend more money on my family (christmas gift giving was a personal disaster), and i hope to have just as much quality time as i had had in 2011 with my haopengyou-s.

FunDayOut with Jo was extremely fun and refreshing! We went to Giant and Ikea yesterday and had grand adventures. I had woken at 3pm and was thus late:\

Jovina and i got ourselves a trolley and gave little soft toys tours in Giant. She had picked many weird but cute things like a green elephant, a grey and purple moose, a green frog with strange eyelids etc, while i had opted for a brown moose, a grey doggy cushion, and a pink ladybird that jovina had discovered hidden beneath the green and purple elephants.
During the tour, jo and i also looked at children wear and LO-AND-BEHOLD they actually have her size!!!(and mine, for some other selected pieces). She was adorable in the one-piece denim thing(: something like overalls...or perhaps it IS an overall, im not sure.

We had dinner at Ikea after spending many hours lounging on sofas in the showrooms chit-chatting about stuff like prom, and it was pretty relaxing. She was fascinated with the ice-cream machines at the hot dog place hahaha.

We also lazed on the couch(in another showroom) and watched a funny youtube video about a 4 year old chinese girl. jovina laugh until i started to laugh too despite having watched the video a dozen times already heehee!

i talked a lot during our entire outing. not sure if i had been ranting.
o_o
but that seems to happen a lot with people whom i like to hang out with (unless i happen to be sleepy/tired).
oh well..

the 6/10 class outing was really good too. just saying(:
i liked stoning with familiar people who are in fact very much strangers to me since the last i saw of them(regularly) was about 6 years ago.
its like hanging out with characters from a dream. you kind of know them, but you kind of dont at the same time.

its fascinating(:

time to sleep. its 4am.
lol i dont even remember staying this late for exams..today is one special day indeed.
(thanks to wanying, and thanks to my family for the wonderful meal)

my mum's cooking is legendary.

goodnight.

2011-12-30T01:42:00.000+08:00

Bidam died):

2011-12-25T02:06:00.002+08:00

Shucks, was tempted to make plans with LORD SHEN, but must keep my word and lay off the socializing for a while. Shen, we shall meet in the further future but we will definitely meet!!:))

2011-12-25T00:42:00.001+08:00

Feeling better already:)

It really helped to have switched my phone off until now.

No intention to put off my appointments le.

Phew.

But after today I am sure I will not make any more plans and just chill with myself:)))

2011-12-24T17:48:00.004+08:00

I feel unwell. It is probably a physical reaction to my mental unease, and I have somewhat been led to believe that it's called holiday stress. It feels better knowing that this condition has a name. Gives me more pseudo control. I've tried finding out what's made me feel sick. Is it the excessively sedentary lifestyle that comes with avid reading, or that I have been meeting too many people, making too many plans, and in turn, overworking myself ironically during my holiday? Or perhaps it comes from having a sudden loss and not having school bells dictate my whereabouts. Maybe it's because I can't severe some ties that stalk and suffocate me. Maybe it's the nerves that come from making suggestions that I fear I may not be able to sustain.

All I want for Christmas could be to cancel all my appointments, even that mysterious and somewhat stressful meeting with the school teacher and subsequently seab personnel; even with friends who are still dear to me; even the interviews that may land me in a fine part time job.

What an unfair gift my mind and body demands. It does not show me how to be accountable to those whom I cancel plans upon, and it does not address the issue in which I am sick, now, and I want an immediate remedy.

What a joyless Christmas this year.

2011-12-18T11:14:00.002+08:00

I dreamt that I was wearing my p2 orchird patrol tee and in some parts of my dream I was at a strange place with many mountain-like structures like the mountains in capadocia, turkey. They had little steps and some had wheels with jagged sides. My family and I met a local family, Asians, who explained that the mountains were public washing machines. The lady flung a wet grey shirt in a large and exaggerated gesture into one of the blue red and grey mountain with jagged wheels and i watched as it was sucked into the massive structure before it reappeared on the left side of the giant. In another scene I was at junyuan primary school and I remember Eccles being there. I never really got to know him so idk why I rmb him best, but dreams are like that aren't they? We were wrecking havoc, though I wasn't exactly involved. I was just laughing an running around with the rest, like lame p4 kids, and Eccles accidentally dropped a bed down the 4th floor. Some laughed I think, but I hadn't. I said, " someone could have been hurt if they had been strolling where the bed had landed.", being the serious prick I think I am in real life too. I was aware that they knew the consequences too.. I understood that it's because of the tense atmosphere that people laughed..but still, being the prick that I am... Anyway we then went up the 3rd floor, following some new Malay friends, to get some lunch. It was a fast food restaurant and something happened there but it has escaped my memory. Lol.

On the plane ride to turkey, I watched Foster and liked it a lot:) watched it twice. Then I watched a jap movie called "my s.o. Has depression" and it was slow and uh, depressing. I could have fallen asleep at any and every point in the movie... But maybe it's a realist art work meant to depict mundane things in common people's lives. In that case, it was good;) wasn't a bad movie, just not the typical hollywood kind as there was no climax or significant event that I could latch on to for the condensed version of the plot. In fact, I don't believe there was a plot. It was just a narration, but that's fine:) I need to be exposed to more kinds of film.

Turkey's quite awesome. Turkish young waiters that can manage a smile are awesome too. my Turkish driver and tour guide Bulent were the absolute best:)

Not much shopping, but that's fine cos my family and I appreciate the scenery more than making purchases.

Food took a while to get used to... A week wasn't quite enough for us, but I still did eat quite a bit:) the rest of my family lost weight instead LOL. How funny.

2011-12-08T12:38:00.002+08:00

Been having shoulder aches recently, often after some hours of carrying my bag on the right shoulder. Fearing for the worst(pulled-muscle), I Wikipedia-ed about it and in addition to the numerous conditions associated with shoulder injury, I now also have a case of anxiety.

(btw, wiki says heart problems could also be interpreted by the brain as shoulder aches. Goodness me, I've always known all the mugging'd have some effect on my physiology!)

2011-12-07T00:42:00.002+08:00

Haw par villa with WanYing after museum. Really exciting:D

She's so pretty even after 6years.

Jovina messaged me about her nightmare today. So glad to have heard from her!!! Am in need of a day out with her luh.. Don't know what to do but I have a feeling we will be eating LOL.

Going to rest. My nice complexion acquired from a levels (somehow) has caught on that the holidays have started hence it threatens to go on a vacation too. I have to pamper and smother it in cream and chemicals to keep from having blemishes appear, however futile the attempt is. A good night's sleep that doesn't start at 4am wouldn't hurt to speed things up:)

Night.

2011-12-06T02:42:00.004+08:00

Just a quickie before I go to bed in preparation for my day out with WanYing steffi and Huijing :)

I've been pretty busy the past few days. It is almost more exhausting than a levels had been. Due to the scarcity of time, I have rushed to and fro events, between people, and between activities. Greed made me do it. I want to be with everyone, do everything, an yet do nothing at the same time. It is a perplexing condition. I have yet to fulfilled some pre- post a levels-conceived plans and am inclined to believe that I will probably not attempt them.

All the watching dramas and stuff have become a bore. Their value only becomes apparent when they are forbidden by my Discipline. I accidentally watched Ouran high school host club for the third time since Wannung had recommended it to me in yr2. I grew fearful into my 4th episode because i was growing too attached to kyouya once again, gosh, for the third time. He is a character that I had wanted the anime to explore more of. I wanted to know him as though he had anything to know about that was not mentioned in the show, and I think this is what the folks call... An obsession -.-

Alright enough about him. Nekozawa is cute, in a rather disturbing and creepy way with his kitty puppet and hooded attire haha.

I want to go into detail about my past few days, but it will take too long for me to recount my time with friends and family so I will not indulge in too many words.

Today (it is 3am now so I guess yesterday could cut it too) is prom night. I did not go^^

Heard about prom from HanXi and weian though. It's awesome that Ella's the prom queen!

I am going to meet dear wan later today and I have to get sleep. Can't wait:)))

I don't like ambiguous situations. I guess mr seow was right when he told me last year, that I look like I like to make lists. Despite my initial denial, since I though I was spontaneous and messy, I think I do have a tendency to want clarity and control in my life.

Just a side note.

Well you had already known my quickie was going to be long. They always are. But I've really got to go. Goodnight.

2011-12-03T00:29:00.003+08:00

I was reading Minette Walter's book, The Ice House, a minute ago.

For some reason, 71 pages into the murder mystery, I was gripped with an anxiety not foreign to many netizens that i have googled for online.

I am not always conscious of my mortality.

This reasons for procrastinating my bigger goals in life. Yet goals are such ridiculous measures of one's purpose and intent when I give this matter enough thought.

If I am to live, only to die, then why was I conceived in the first place?

It is nauseating to even guess what ill reasons justify my existence for it to be withdrawn from me again in the near future, and I want to know if my time as me has a purpose that I am sure I have not fulfilled because I am unaware of it. Does the fact that my life belongs to me not merit my knowledge of what I am to do with it? Some quote that their purpose is to change the world, to make other's lives better... while these are noble aspirations, I do think they fall short of being the reason for humanity's existence. If your reason for existing is to make another person's life less miserable, then what of the other person's purpose? If it is to make yet another individual happier, I would think that this cyclic system is a rather pointless exercise, for it does not seem to address why people were put on the face of earth.

When death does cross my mind but doesn't drop by to tamper with my heart, I would suppose it is because i can see it as a physical act of becoming compost, and not be tempted to delve into the complicated aspects of being gone.

I just want to know why I'm here so that when death asks me what I've been up to since I last left him for my mother's womb, I can truly be accountable for my years of absence.

2011-11-22T16:01:00.003+08:00

Rant ahead(:

Lost it, lost it. Lost my art notes....albeit its just about Chuck Close.

('_`")

The OneNote file that i had carefully crafted so that i can maximise my understanding of the syllable is gone in my dead C drive although i had saved it in D...and there's no D drive. How can that be.

Spent days perfecting that Chuck thing ...long ago. So i cant remember anything there liao.

Researched, found model paragraphs, did some samples of 3 works of each artist...ok actually just one..but having to go through the arduous process is upsetting.

Havent gotten over the blue mildliner that had gone missing a few months ago...before prelims i think. When i first noticed its absence while reading some notes (oh hardworking me), i thought i couldnt ever function without it and couldnt continue studying because other coloured mildliners just wouldnt cut it...

(sorry pearlyn and jenn i think i hadnt told yall that the blue mildliner yall had given me is er..gone.)

what? did i hear you say "excuses, excuses.."?

It is legit alright. Blue is a very important colour!

Now this is a more urgent issue.

Actually i could just do a new one but considering that Art A Levels exam is tomorrow...i might not have the time. Especially since i slept at 6pm yesterday and woke near noon today (hangover from double killer papers bio and econs)

dramatic me just has to add this line...

i can't go on....

Alright time to re-do. I cant just study off the notes or the summaries that Ms Teh had sent because summaries dont work for me unless i make them myself, so there's only one thing to do.

Repeat the mistake, and Make OneNote again.

After all, i only have one more day to fan4 cuo4 before i never type "Chuck Close" again.

(unless i get into uni and can take art or something! Oh sweet horror.)

2011-11-15T12:53:00.002+08:00

Monty python and the holy grail. Might want to watch it after a levels:) I don't usually like to make plans for post-A levels cos I don't want to seem like I want A levels to end, but really, this comedy seems too ridiculous to ignore.

"strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is not a basis for a government!"

Hahahha the defiance of the peasant and the helplessness of king Arthur is just too cute.

I don't think I can understand the movie entirely, because it has a lot of references to historical events and stuff like witch burning, of which I am not familiar with, and it's also about Marxism, if I'm not wrong. I know zilch about Marxism.

I'm just hoping the layman jokes can keep the comedy going for me.

The killer bunny is a terror.

2011-11-12T13:14:00.002+08:00

Hello. I am in the midst of A levels.

A Level #1, i mean.

screwing up doesnt feel as miserable when you dont study (ref. prelims),

but when youve mugged, it incites a resentment that, if projected on a tree, could burn it more quickly than a stadium of people staring at it and imagining it can.

(youve heard that theory about the tree right? Ask google if you havent.)

Perhaps A level #1 is the only A level i can experience since being a private candidate has a pre-requisite of being a wealthy kid.

I wish i could do my papers again. Am capable of so much more.

perhaps i have to create my own success...without great certs as a catalyst.

2011-11-03T17:26:00.002+08:00

Feel quite bad killing ants in my house. They have families too and their lives matter; it isn't about how big or small they are. Yet they keep crawling around my room and periodically attack my food so I am inconvenienced and I have since started to kill them upon sight.

I think that's not right, so like any other lost souls looking for answers, I consulted google.

Didn't help much I think.

A levels are coming! I usually like exams but too much is at stake this time and that takes the joy out of it. Pretty sure I'm going to screw up, but honestly I should get used to it already.

Econs is a goner. I feel rather sorry for it cos I actually like the subject.

Feel kind of let down by the school's response to some stuff, but perhaps I should have realized sooner that school is business, and the more inelastic party will bear a larger burden.

2011-10-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

Kind of ): that i couldnt go for Aesthetics Nite.
Wouldve been nice to show my parents our works, to see others' parents, and to feel like there is a real audience for a piece of art youve spent your senior high life on.

But (pardon my disregard for proper english by starting with a conjunction) i dont regret my decision. Just ): that i had to make a choice. URGH SCARCITY WHY LIDDAT.

Papa says to take photos and show him, but i'd want to show them my work in their actual form, not in photographs. Photographs kind of take the mood that i try to recreate away.

):

Hanxi says her mum likes my work! Chua said that of her mum last time too.
Im pretty heartened cos tbh i thought my work wasnt really good. I like everyone else's works but i just cant find a point where i can say "I LIKE IT THIS WAY. THIS IS MY WORK TADA." about mine. Its just never good enough.

But all's fine now. Weian wanted to see it but that'd have to wait till next year haha.

Today boony/jiahui(idk what im supposed to call him by) gave me some sound advice. We were talking about future studies/career prospects, and while he has a goal he's working well towards to, i am...still exploring my options.

I either think too highly of myself (want to be everything), or have no confidence (dont think i can be anything)...so tada: DREAMLESS TEO EE
It'd be more grand to have a long name, like DREAMLESS ALEXANDRA CHOK CUBIN MUSTAFA WALKERMAN, but i wouldnt want to live with that. Short's the way to go in the modern world(: (lol ok this is just a random sidenote.)

Bought nice bread today. The Gardenia Walnut and Banana bread. Small loaf for about $3. Kind of expensive for bread (Aunty Teo: Long Wholemeal Gardenia loaf only costs about $1.60) but i really like it. I kind of think i like bananas. Although thats kind of scary because ive always thought i liked grape and mango best...suddenly my belief is challenged and my entire 78 years of life is at risk of becoming a complete LIE.

Dear me.

Right, i ought to go off already.
I have a date with Pearlyn on the 2nd December.
We're going to the library!!!:D
Excited.
I have a date with Shiyi too....okok, an outing. Though there's no specific date/time. Just that i remember making plans with her (ok not really, i made them myself and just asked her. lol.) some months ago..

TTYL(:

2011-10-16T13:58:00.002+08:00

This is not a good time to mess with ABBA,
):
but mama mia, how can i resist you?

2011-10-15T01:22:00.003+08:00

I heard the chorus of an ABBA song today and was instantly hooked.
Jas says its Thank You for the Music.
Love the happy tune.

-
When there is a crisis in the family, should we not band together and overcome it as one?

It is a month to your school play. Youve been practicing hard for the past 2 years so your parents can be proud of you when you finally perform on your kindergarten graduation night. Yet a month before that, your mother leaves the family for another man, and have their own children. Theyre happy. In your misery and loneliness, you and your siblings approach your grandnanny, hoping she'd offer some advice and support, yet instead of "Hey there's still Daddy and me! Dont fret!", she lets you sit in her lap one day as she knits, and says, "Its your fault that Mummy left. You havent been good children. Whats with your sorry attitude. I myself had my distant cousin leave the family for another man too, and i hadnt gone crying to my granny. Suck it up."

Wouldnt you wonder what had gone through her mind when she used to stress the importance of kinship as she held your hand through her garden?

{I know this story sounds choppy and is probably of little significance to those who are not aware of the context that ive juxtaposed it against, but for others who identify with me,

peservere. there's no other option.

[/edit] Thought i could do without a disclaimer, but well, here it is:
This is an analogy. It has nothing to do with my biological family.
Any resemblence of the figures in the story to real characters is for the sole purpose of emulating an exchange between a representative of an institution and a sorry audience.

2011-10-06T16:23:00.002+08:00

Sometimes people pretend not to understand, so that they dont have to feel obligated to help.
They ask, only to seem to care, because they feel that it is a required gesture.

Sickness plagues me. I am ill.

Silence does not equate to guilt, nor submission. Silence is a statement. It is a rejection meant to say that one has understood your reasons for asking, and am not inclined to participate in your rhetoric game.

In the biggest gamble that i have ever taken, i am aware that i have lost, and am losing even more. Yet like any addict, it is difficult to quit. If i do, it will only leave behind a pathetic self that can never be redeemed.
All dignity is lost, and i can blame no one but myself.

All dignity is lost, and still i continue, because stopping is not a choice.
The rat race needs me to prop its winners up.
If not, from whence shall their throne be built?

2011-10-01T14:27:00.004+08:00

I must be pretty old in terms of dream-age because i spend so much time there.

Yesterday, i passed away in the prettiest way possible.

It was a long dream because i had let myself sleep more to make up for the ills of the day, but i only remember the end, before my passing.

This is a poor paint illustration, but its the best that i could come up with in a short time.
It doesnt capture the serenity that had been so encapsulating in my dream, but at least it shows you where i was.

In this surreal set-up, i am the penguin on the right. I am not seeing this scene as a passive dreamer; whatever i experience is from a penguin's perspective. What you see are the penguins' back.

It is a very cold night. Which night, i don't know, because in my mind, it seems to be the only one. It is going to last forever. The sun is never going to hurry it away.
The ice that i am sitting on has melted and frozen again, forming a little seat that curved and cuddled me. It seems to float away, but not in any particular direction.

Beside me is another penguin. Male; but i vaguely register this fact because in this instance, he is my companion; another one of my kind. We are not distinguished by our gender, but his being the other sex is representative of my existence as part of a larger community in which the male and female come together in union.

Before us, in an ambiguous distance, is the city. It is lighted, and in any other cases, would have seemed alive. Yet it is quiet and it seems to be waiting. Not for something to happen; just waiting. Perhaps it is a reflection of our state of mind.

I sit and let the silence speak because my companion is entranced; by what, i dont know. I am struck by the moment too.

It is a very cold night. There is no breeze, and the chill is homogenised in the air around us. In our stillness, i realise that we are going to freeze to death. There is no calmness to speak of, but in its place, there is contentment. I am glad to die in this manner. Slowly, as i merge into my surroundings, i feel a strong sense of love even though my companion has yet to move. He is going to die too, but we are experiencing our own deaths and he is in no way involved in my passing away.

We are not seated near each other. There is a distance between us, like in the illustration, to let us share this moment only with ourselves. Too much time has been given away to others; we owe ourselves our last few breaths. Then i begin to notice myself freezing. I feel the ice creeping up my body, and my warmth no longer melts the ice around me to reshape the seat. My last thought is that " I'm willing.", and then the silence ensues.

2011-09-28T00:39:00.005+08:00

Stories about non-romantic love always touch me.

I saw this on facebook, Karen (Yeo)'s post.

When i saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'' The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' She replied, ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this, 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!'' OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.'

There was a subsequent part to this, but i felt that it ruined the narration because it had brought the focus to the author. Its about how the author went to the funeral and saw the doll, rose and photo in the coffin, as well as how she had read about the road accident that had caused the death of the boy's family. It concluded with how the drunk truck driver had taken the boy's family away in just one instance.

out of focus.

but the first part of the story is, albeit cliche, really touching because i believe we all yearn to tell our family that we love them, yet circumstances may make it awkward for us to do so. Maybe our sadness does not go fully to the boy's loss, but to ours, as we remain silent and hope that our loved ones can miraculously understand that we appreciate them.

Even typing this is an awkward task.

It may be ironic, but i hope my parents dont see this.

2011-09-26T00:35:00.002+08:00

if i die, somebody should read all the posts that i draft but do not publish.

I really want to write a book under a pen name, just to find out if people can relate to me.

but im too caught up with living a mainstream life, so excuse me while i put off my interests for the sake of securing an income in the future.

2011-09-24T23:19:00.003+08:00

i thought my life could go back to normal after art.
I'd be able to study really hard and finally see more of my non-art friends.

But life after Art is kind of bland.
no more 11pms in school, no more additions to my paint-stained skirts, no more...less stress.
(the stress thing is as indicated by amount of hair-fall which decreased by 60% just one day after coursework submission, as well as the ceasure of spotting, which is a girl thing that some might not want to google about-.-)

i havent seen many non-art friends because they all mug without me, and i havent been studying, as i had previously imagined. Seems that my entire academic-conditioning has been eroded.

but despite having compromised on the academic content that i could have gathered had i spent less time on my coursework, ive still learnt alot.

ive come to realise that support can make alot of difference.
my parents were understanding and theyve helped me alot.
My mum'd fetch me from the nearby mrt with her bicycle when i carried large art baggages, and my dad helped me with my pipe connectors, consequently hurting his hand.
my brother. hm. he says stuff like "jie, jiayou for ni de art ah" sometimes, and i answer grudgingly with an animal sound though its nice of him.

esther made me dinner when i stayed late in school once, and even made ginger soup, though i hadnt drunk it because i dont like ginger. loved the pineapple rice.
linda bought me 2 sets of paintbrushes when i lamented that my paintbrushes werent the right size once, and i was really touched cos i could only bear to buy one but she went to the trouble of getting 2 sets to make sure i had the right range of sizes and brush types.
wanying always asked me to take her dad's ride home when public transport became too much of a trouble because the late nights in school could stretch to 1130pm, and she'd insist on sending me back. we also visit each other's homes very often, and her dad is really funny! She's one whom i can talk to about the distressing life of artists, and i adore her final work and prep boards.
chua'd ask her mum to fetch me when i dont go back with wan, and there was a period of time when she'd urge BTW or the latest revised version, BTWN whenever i get distracted, which was great help. (BTW is back to work, and BTWN is BACK TO WORK NOW!!!!) she's also loud, and the art room has more human life...or perhaps not human, around when she's there.
hanxi'd always ask about my progress, and when i start to feel lousy and want to give up, she'd be encouraging and give suggestions to help me continue. I even stayed over at her house once so that we could pull an all-nighter and do art all night (though i crashed the next morning). her parents were also very kind to me and i had alot to eat at her house:D i cant possibly mention all the help she's given, but its been incredible.
pearlyn sends me texts sometimes asking me to be careful when i go home late, or reminding me that i spend too much time on art so that i dont neglect other subjects:) she also asks me along to lunch and stuff even though i cant join them on most occasions. Most people would have forgotten or decided i wasnt worth the effort after a while.
amanda saved us all. simple as that:)
samantha struggled with me so we didnt feel too alone.
Ms Teh made me feel more hopeful about art, and she's really funny, as well as is a wonderful teacher.
Ms Gao gave me some good advice, like not throwing my drawings and stuff away even though i may be really tempted to do so, as well as documenting my work with backups so that if my computer crashes, i wont lose everything.

Along the way, other friends have helped by texting and asking me how its been going, and ive also heard that heather asked a junior not to do her silkscreen on my coursework space because cleaning it is quite hard work. It was really kind of her to keep a lookout for me(:
Weiqing's spontaneous hugs have also been very much welcomed.

so what i had truly wanted to say is,
thank you:)

btw (by the way, not back to work)
i woke at 5pm today, having slept since 12 or 1am last night.
5pm.
i never got to see the light.
finally, on my bed since weeks of staying up or falling asleep on the couch.
:D

pearlyn, the matcha sweet that you recommended is nice:D
and stop talking about me with weian behind my back! Yall keep describing my hedonic lifestyle as art, sleep, art, sleep.
boo.

2011-09-14T23:27:00.002+08:00

it is only 11.27pm.
16 minutes after i had met 11.11pm.

but i am really tired already.
why liddat.

2011-09-13T11:35:00.003+08:00

If my blog were an art piece, it'd be a draw between Realism and Pop Art.
Perhaps somewhat Impressionistic too.
Yet i'm using New Media representation, so it'd be more fittingly called Contemporary art?

[editor's note: sorry, having known more about contemporary art, i now realise that concept makes contemporary art, not so much of the medium. the medium is just a recurring trait.]

Realism because the posts reflect how i feel when i blog--my thoughts, my lack of thoughts, and the what-nots..perhaps a large portion of it dedicated to rants and complaints.

Pop Art because there's quite abit of popular culture in it. Plus its not very meaningful and most things are presented in its most superficial form. Very Andy Worhol.

It is frivolous (oh my, anyone thinking Rococco?), and my thoughts are not fluent. They jump from sentence to sentence, drawing a parallel to Impressionist Paintings where brushstrokes are done in a painterly way, and the colours are unblended. But yet it is able to convey an image, an overall picture. Hm, my favourite Art movement thus far. Favourite piece is called Woman With A Parasol, Claude Monet.

Sometimes i have the urge to blog meaningful, positive things. Things that are more universal, more Miss Universe/Goody-two-shoes..but i feel weird doing it cos im not a very comforting person by nature.

It is at those moments, that i feel ashamed of all the immature things that i have posted, all the insignificant rants and stuff, which do not actually reflect who i am as a person, because as any fellow blogger'd understand, people post things that are driven by strong emotions. As such, posts are often very angry, melancholic, overly optimistic, and rarely neutral or ordinary.

Yet i am not always at my most emotional extremes.

If i were diagnosed through my blog, i'd probably be bipolar. or tri. oct.

It is at these moments, that i want to delete the blog, hide it, destroy it, forget about it. But thanks to something called the digital footprint as well as our memories, i cant. Someday, all these nonsense will be dug out again, so it's impossible to deny the existence of all these grammatical errors, heh.

I want to end this post already although i have not actually come to a very proper conclusion. Awkward ending, as though my post has been cropped to suggest more things going on beyond the post(canvas). haha, sounds familiar?
Yeah Impressionstic paintings' trademark once again.
Cropping at awkward places.

Bye.

2011-08-27T23:27:00.002+08:00

art is doomed. i cant control how fast i work afterall. takes ages to paint one unit of the thing i'm painting.

woke late, pissed.
laid in bed cos i was pissed.
pissed about lying in bed.
went to paint my art thing.
ugly.
pissed.
googled about anger and profanities.
fell asleep and was late for econs with wanying.
went home, read 1/3 of the GP CT package.
thats all.

art is doomed. i dont know how to do prep board, i dont have good drawings, and i cant print my stuff.

hope wan's computer revives!
all her wonderful work cannot go up in smoke just liddat D:
i really like her works. so organic <3

seeing that painted thing in my room angers me.
why am i so lousy. wtf.

i cant do GP.
hate it when peers dismiss your struggle to do well just because you were lucky in one test.
really ironic to consult Mr Lim (<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333) in 2 groups.
One where consistent, smart kids are (Amanda, vivyan, laiping,..), and another with peers who are required to see him because we failed AQ and compres (there are smart kids there too la, but im not one of them cos i always ): compres).

kbye.
the GP CT package thing is intimidating.
how come everyone's "treasure trove" is so deep and rich.
zomg.

2011-08-06T22:39:00.002+08:00

regardless of the non-serious tone of my previous post, i really do need your help so really, please contact me ok(:

additional details: i want to paste paper on curved surfaces without weird angles jutting out, without using paper in the mache form (i want to use the commercial kind of flat paper..), and hopefully, with minimal cuts to get the paper to bend or something.

imagine covering a bowl with paper.

yeah.

duoxieni...

i shall consult google again.

toodles!

2011-08-06T22:18:00.003+08:00

i am so so so excited for coursework. all of a sudden.

been having erratic moodswings throughout my h2 art years.

no wonder artists always end up abit sot.

heheh.

after talking to ms teh, i'd feel a little bit more hope that i can complete a proper piece of work.

(: she'll tell me that if i work faster, i can achieve this, and that, ...

and since i can very much control how fast i work (somewhat la), this means that im not doooooooomed!

i just need to figure out some stuff, plus im really lagging like siao...

ive been googling on how to stick paper nicely and without creases on curved surfaces..but THERE IS SO MUCH TUTORIAL!

[edit: i meant **NO SUCH tutorial (ps i got too carried away with my fantasy. i noticed the typo after publishing the post just now, but i wna show you how ridiculously optimistic i was so i shall not backspace to rewrite it heh]

much like how there wasnt online tips on how to do prep boards and stuff.

why liddat.

other subjects always got forums and stuff, and online cheatsheets, but artists never have cheatsheets.

oh man.

i was so desperate for the answer to how to stick that paper thing, that i even consulted yahoo answers.

useless gesture, i know.

especially since yahoo answer-ers usually only attempt questions that require the weird sort of creativity.

"Can Human beings ever live on grass?"

"What happens if i eat dirt?"

or those 13 year old girls'd spam questions like "DOES HE LIKEZX MEEEE????!!HELPPPP PLESHHHH!!!"

-.-

i know i was 13 once, so i shouldnt -.- them....

but then again, im past 13, so i can.

ha.

alright,back to art.

oh man oh man oh man if you guys know how to paste paper on curved surfaces (not like the toilet roll kind...i mean the pasting paper on balls kind, without making creases-but cuts are ok-)then please please please

1. send me an email titled "I AM HERE TO HELP!" to my dhsmail

2. sms me

3. abduct me temporarily to give me a demonstration...or maybe just the demonstration'd do.

thanks!

ending off,

"WILL YOU HELPZXS MEEEE????!!HELPPPP PLESHHHH!!!"

The Starving...(for tips) Artist

2011-08-04T00:41:00.000+08:00

Like vp Gan said, damn i really should learn how to say no.
especially to myself.

cant make up for lost time D:
oh calamity.

2011-08-02T21:01:00.002+08:00

when i was just a little girl
i asked my mother
what will i be

will i be pretty
will i be rich
thats what she said to me

que sera sera
whatever will be, will be
the future's not ours to see
que sera sera

now as an 18 year old girl
when i ask myself
what can i be

if i'm not pretty
nor am i smart
is there a path for me

que sera sera
without some abilities
the future is hard to see
que sera sera

whatever will be, will be.

2011-07-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

such a pretty girl oh man!

2011-07-30T15:00:00.002+08:00

so sing along to my stereooo

starbucked with wanying today, then went to popular to get a drawing pen.
exciteddddd to drawwwwww.

then walked around isetan, artbox, and went to the pasar malam too.
wan has a Llama file now hahaha its really strange!

ate some stuff, then went home.

a really fun day.
im so glad i met her.

2011-07-16T12:54:00.002+08:00

SOVA was surprisingly better than i had expected.
especially since i had pulled an all-nighter the day before doing some coursework thing(which i have no recollection of already lol).

section c was still poorly done D:
got to work on that.

kinda worried for GP because i dont want the CT-thing to be a one-off event. im thus sorting my notes into topics now, although strictly speaking GP's about world issues which are interlinked, so idk why i still feel the need to arrange my notes as such.lol.

people are always looking for order in chaos.
which reminds me of this theme that Nicole and A..uh, ive forgotten his name..was given to work on in reality show Work of Art.
the A...guy(who championed the best artist from that show), was critisized cos he kind of ruined the work with his orderly looking chaos painting.
lol.

anyway, i think a break from academics is warranted here, so i shall talk about..

my trip home with wanying yesterday(:
after lesson, wan and i sat in the canteen eating potatos that my mum had prepared.
to my joy, there was still dounai besides fruit punch, which im not particularly in favour of:D

we squashed the vegetable thing that i had done during art that noon because it was too orderly and it didnt turn out the way that i had intended, then looked through the art books that i had borrowed.

then her papa came, and i hitched a ride home.

heard funny conversations on the radio, and caught a song called Sterio Hearts by some gym class heroes or smth, ft. Adam lev...smthn. The lead singer of maroon5.

its niceee.

(:
uh thn i went for piano lesson.

ya thats all actually.
but i loved the ride:D
wan and her papa's very funny.

goodbye.

oh p.s. pearlyn said she missed sitting with me yesterday.
aw:')

2011-07-16T12:49:00.000+08:00

i wish i had all the time in the world to learn:D
i dont want to stop schooling boo.

2011-07-14T21:43:00.002+08:00

lousy day.
all part and parcel of a lousy academic life.

school started at 9am instead of 8am today, but i was still late by 30min cos i lost track of time researching about artists.
i didnt even know i was late until pearlyn messaged me about it.

i know i could have researched the night before, but yesterday after school, all i did was the paragraph of AQ that Mr Lim had asked for, as well as the bio essay corrections that till now, i have yet to complete because its so long, before i betrayed..something, or someone, i dont know, and gave in to sleep.

of course, i could have done it on tuesday too.
but again, when lesson ended at about 7pm, all i did was...nothing.
by the time i had reached home (walked with wanying), it was nearing 9pm, because we had spent some time being disappointed about art.
i took my dinner, told my parents that we have to expect perhaps a failure, mopped around my room, and let myself sleep all my negativity away.

when i woke, almost late for school again, the negativity was still there.

so today.
having partially given up on art,
i went to the compulsory studio time without any drawings or whatsoever. only had my mouth to speak of the poor research ive done.
which, of course, upset the teacher.
she doesnt seem to have given up on me, seeing her insistence that i stop doing the wrong things, as well as chiding me for not doing things effectively or efficiently, creatively, engagingly, etc.
well, i guess, i am thankful for her optimism, for which i am highly undeserving.

so after school today (after econs make-up lesson to go through the fail econs paper), i spent time making a list of things to buy for art, then continued doing those bio corrections (still unfinished), and left school at about 6pm.

went to the library to look through some art books from 7pm to 8pm, and borrowed two, then went grocery shopping for art materials until 10pm.
went home, took dinner, then blog.

annoying lady at the grocers' kept peering at the things that i was buying for art, then you know when you guy stuff like bean sprouts, you have to put it in a clear plastic bag and have it weighed right?
ya i put about half a handful of it into the bag, and before i had managed to weigh it, she came nosing into my business and said stuff like "oh, you keep a rabbit?"
"no."
"oh. have you asked if you can take these?"
"i intend to pay."
(i think she didnt hear my clearly) "oh, ya, better ask if you need to pay, if not they'd think you want to steal."

i smiled politely though all i could think of was to chew her face off because she was doubting my integrity and i was majorly offended, and in the end the bean sprouts were $0.02

yes, 2 cents.

so at the counter, i only paid for my other purchases and the bean sprouts were unaccounted for because they rounded the cost down.

-.-

ya. like, what did i say.
it is a lousy day after all.

the only good thing was that while my class was having chem class and i lingered alone in the canteen, the junior that i met becauseof Math science olympiad, Jeremy, sat opposite me.
(:
i like the boy. always so friendly, even though i remember being quite fierce the first time i had met those rowdy (then) yr2 facilitators.

ok. i go liao.bye.

2011-07-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

yay ive finally done t3a.
:D
one thing less to do.

tatata.

2011-07-13T22:40:00.002+08:00

not disciplined enough.

luck can only bring me this far.
i am not an artist.

don't know what i am.

"I'm still alive but im barely breathing."
Breakeven, The Script.

like the song.

got reminded of Joy from 3 Idiots.
lol he died.
so cute.

i kinda dont want A levels to end, though people say they hope for it to pass asap.
i want to continue on and on and on preparing for A levels.
i enjoy it.
i just dont like the constant feeling of low self-worth and stuff. though i guess any art course's like that. Its a markonikov rule.
The better (rich) gets better(richer).
Teachers like to help those who're stronger become stronger.
the weaker ones are a pain in the ass.
alright maybe thats unfair. it may not be true.
but i'd understand, if it were, because working on something with potential is always more exciting what right. heh.

ive noticed it in chem, ive noticed it in art.
but then again, nah maybe not really. i mean, ive only felt it during h2 chem.
h1 is more optimistic, though they keep expecting ex-h2 students to do better than the rest because of our supposed background.

lol. if we had had a good background, i dont think we'd drop to h1 already.
h1 kids always own us.

but i still enjoy h1 chem.
its still more optimistic.

i'm ranting.

oh. i just noticed that my markonikov's not really true.
math wasnt like that in yr4.
Ms Fang was always paying us attention and making us pay attention too.
never felt left out (:

and art, i do feel that Ms Gao's always trying to help me la(:
i only notice the markonikov's in general. not specific to me, because Ms Gao often encourages me to read more about artists and to learn more for inspiration and stuff. I dont feel that they give up on me.

and anyway, Ms Gao tries not to reject my ideas, which is really nice, because artists often seek some kind of recognition, but she lets me know the disadvantages of continuing, so...it's still a sort of rejection, except that i have to do it myself.

i also noticed that art generates the most number of depressed students.
some do it emo-style, some are upset, some break down, some are angry..
lol and some blog about it.

i am sure i dont want to be an architect.
the course sounds EXACTLY like art. the horror.

i want to be a bio teacher. but my bio's getting worse.
failed the CTs. boo.
wanted to be GP teacher, but my GP's not good either (except for CTs, which was a surprise). plus GP is hard to teach.
wanted to be a creative director, but from art, i learnt that i have poor technical skills.

from education, ive learnt more about myself than what's around me.
ive received more tests from life than from cambridge.

i dont feel good when my friends dont do well.
i wish they'd score too.

wish we could all be smart and reap what we sow.

2011-07-10T23:29:00.002+08:00

my butt ached after sports carn, though i have no idea why. i was not engaged in any ball games whatsoever.

yesterday was spent resting myself, and today, i woke, and rested somemore so i postponed my piano till tomorrow hastily.
then i went out, late in the noon, and met haolin:D
he approached me just to say hi. how nice!
fearing that my chinese/mandarin was too out-of-practice for a casual conversation with him, i struggled to and fro between mandarin and english.

the first thing he mentioned was that my earrings had grown bigger.
hahaha. i was an o.O at first, but then he complimented them and said that it was nice, so hooray hahaha.

he had just attended guitar lessons. cool eh.

after that encounter, i went to meet wan at the ice cream shop.
our Blakie ice cream melted into a pool D:
but tasted nice anyway.

talked on the way home, as always:D

then i went for dinner with my fam.
i like salmon bellyyyyy.

havent drawn that thing that i had promised Ms Gao.
gotta stay up tonight then9:

the night has been quite ...explosive.
heard a woman beating her child shitless, while the child made noises that went beyond yelling and crying. he was like tearing at his own throat or something, against the shrill of his mother's voice.

i heard them even though they were too far to be seen, as they were a block away from me, and separated by a road.

the drama kept going for about half an hour, and i was so pissed and annoyed that i asked them to shut up.
usually a passive person, though i do not regret expressing my disgust towards the domestic abuse, i was rather surprised that i had not sat cowardly by my desk, swearing at them.

zzz.

i really want to sleep cos i dont wanna be cui tmr, as esther puts it, but i cant break my promise so here goes nothing...

*plunges into art*

2011-07-05T06:10:00.000+08:00

it is 6.11am.
the chicken essence does not work.
i am sleeeeeeee-

zzz.

2011-07-05T04:42:00.003+08:00

just drank my first ever bottle of Brand's Chicken Essence. Ms Gao gave it to us for good health(:
little wonder that im drinking it to stay awake for art tonight, as well as for art after econs common test tmr.

:D

it tastes...weird.
i dont like it.

but its not horrid.
i hope it helps me stay alert!

shucks so late/early alr..and im not done with art!

p.s. its 4.48am.

2011-07-04T20:26:00.002+08:00

digust isnt about snakes, bugs, slime, or internal fluids.
it is the moment when you see that youve been living a lie, and then you hate yourself for having been so stupidly happy.

or maybe more so, for not being able to be stupidly happy anymore.

2011-07-03T18:29:00.003+08:00

ive been feeling hot flashes this past week..like a prelude to a fever that just doesnt develop.

it is horrid, because youre not officially sick and you cant really nurse yourself so you have to continue work, but you feel unwell enough not to be able to do your job well.

ive been watching Work Of Art on youtube under wanying's recommendation. econs is a goner so...well.
i havent been inspired by that reality tv show about artists vying to be the best at the end of the programme, but i feel better knowing that people out there have as much trouble with art as i do.

its a clash between wanting to express, and knowing how, as well as what, to.
another clash, is when you want to express something universal, but dont want it to be cliche.

but im a little bit excited to start on my final work already.
:D
really really cant wait.

i just have to complete my preparatory boards (8 of them) by tuesday:D
whoops. i meant, by econs test.

i really hope what i have in mind, will turn out like how i imagine it to be, because im not very good with...anything in particular.

hanxi's a sculptor, renee's a watercolour artist, jess does collages really well, wan's known for using very close-to-home materials and making simplistic, organic works, huien's a graphic artist, chua's quite a surrealist, i feel, bryan's good with pastel and colour pencils, miao's good with bright colours, amanda's a good painter, heather's works are happy and light (not the usual suffering-artist kind haha)...

i am..
pretty frustrated half the time, lol.

wan kindly said that she felt my forte was my use of colours. but im not too sure about that because i dont often achieve what i want...and i dont have a proper set of colour pencils at home (LOL seriously right. in primary school people used to gimme colour pencils and i'd preserve them cos i like new colour pencils..but somehow my preservations were not well done cos i cant relocate them..)

i used to use faber castel alot;)
idk if thats the correct spelling. pardon my noobness.
though i think isabella (was it? i cant remember) once said that it was not a good brand.
those at art friends' much better, of course. but each pencil costs $2, according to Ms Teh.

well anyway,
im gna work with cling wrap and tape this time round.

i really hope my idea gets approved, because i dont have any back up plans, and my thought processes all revolve around this idea now, as though its already a confirmed piece of work.

ECONS AH ECONS
HOW AH.

i should go do my prep boards(:
a million more to go.

tata.

2011-07-03T13:03:00.001+08:00

how it feels to know that 8 boards of art is due 2 days later, but youre not done?

oh, i guess you could say its like rolling around on the road, hoping for a car to run you over, but they just don't.

its that frustrating.

2011-06-25T14:03:00.003+08:00

been doing art instead of studying for CTs.
nothing very artish. just finding images online.

wanted to take print screens of dramas/movies/advertisements that i found touching, so of course, i immediately thought of 1 litre of tears, which, by the way, made me cry more than a litre.

this is asou kun from the drama! you may not find him cute without watching the drama, idk, but ive watched it...so....^^

this is K, a korea born japanese singer. He sang one of my favourite songs Only Human, ost of 1 litre of tears. hear him live, its superb! thinking of using the song for art final work, but not too sure if i can find a satisfactory instumental piece..so far i havent found one that i truly like..cos i'd like the first 8 seconds of one, and the last 11 seconds of another..but put together, they dont sound right. zzz. he looks abit like jaychou btw. but cuter.

this...is a random guy whom i thought looked good.
thats all. lol.

lol. gna meet wanz. byeeee.

p/s i need someone to help me take a photo of me running for the bus ):

2011-06-24T01:10:00.003+08:00

i realised that blogging with a headache is no good.
so many language mistakes in my previous post haha.

patrol dinner tomorrow.
esther and fiona are probably not going.

been planning what to put on my prep board today.
didnt touch econs so im dead meat for that,
but at least ive thought through how i want my final coursework to look like..
hope it doesnt flop :x

nono, i meant, hope it'll turn out successful.

*think positive*

:)
tired.
goodnight.

and btw. PEARLYN. i know you find me cool and 善良扇凉 so i'll consider being your fan(:
thanks for your compliments. *shy*

2011-06-21T20:18:00.002+08:00

headache.
watch too much tv 2 nights ago and despite sleeping right after bio boot camp yesterday till this morning, when i went for bio boot camp round 2, i still have a headache.

havent been replying most of my smses. while receiving a few is alright, too many of them makes me feel overwhelmed. dislikes.

watched dongyi.
jasmine asked is i was a dongyi fan now too.
ew, no. i dont want to be a fan of anything.
but i am interested in what happens, cos the bixia is so cute.
watched too much tv again today.
am going to sleep. then wake, and hopefully do abit of art. havent been working on it since week2 of the june. lol, i almost said the h word.
need to submit 8 prep boards in first week when school starts.

am going to die.
incomplete.
final work how, i dont know.

excited to do? yes, but im also excited to study other subjects.
this is supposed to be my econs week but i spent 2 days on BBC already..
and i seriously need to do bio. my first week was punctuated with going to school, and going for cca so ive only managed to do nervous system..but ive forgotten everything now. evident after BBC.

so..

i wish i could feel good about myself now.
alright. going to nap. if not i'll suffer from prolonged grouchyness and low-productivity for the rest of the month, i'm sure.

bye.
(i have to stop watching dongyi. must not become too interested.save me ahh.)

2011-06-13T10:02:00.001+08:00

annoyed like nobody's business.

2011-06-10T22:49:00.003+08:00

i hate that blogger loses my posts so often just after i click "publish".
i was recounting my exciting day with jenn and pearl, bird pooping on lecture notes, yihao-lookalike, penny/ivy lady who guffawed in the study area the whole time she was there, man who wailed every 5minutes, FOR 5minutes, kid who looked like taoqin but turned out to be from mjc, edison chen lookalike, pearl's non subtle attempt to look at the edison lookalike, encounters with the toilet lady.

now i dont want to retype everything but its such a waste ):
sigh.

urgh blogger.

2011-06-08T15:54:00.002+08:00

ive decided that i shouldnt post my "tree/seedling" (if youve read the previous post that i have since drafted, you'd know what im talking about) because it could be against my employment contract (yea im the kind who signs without reading the entire thing).

so to appease you guys, imma show you some strange stuff.

i now confess that i was produced asexually.
zomg.

2011-06-04T20:49:00.002+08:00

it was the worst possible scenario.
while in my worn red atc shirt, unflattering salmon pink shorts, stiff beige slippers, and with my unkempt hair, i crossed paths (sloppily) with my primary school school crush, who was dressed in a nice polo shirt which shaped his shoulders perfectly, and who floated across the taffic crossing gracefully in his smart white shoes.

oh calamity.

in my attempt to go unnoticed, i took pleasure in observing the bushes ahead as i made my way towards the far end of the taffic crossing.
but i dont understand why or how (it can only be explained by Murphy), 6 years since graduating from primary school, he had to recognise me then.

"teoee..?"

i knew then, that no matter how intensely i willed the bushes to swallow me, it was not possible.
so i waved meekly and took comfort in the fact that we met while crossing the road.
i.e. no time to stop for a polite chitchat (like, hi hows school etc nonsense)

phew.
dramatic, yes?
it wasnt that weird in real-time, but reviewing an incident over and over again does result in slight distortions to how the actual event had occured.

i probably didnt look that bad. ha. awkward laugh. shakes head.
and i really hope he never sees this post, though i want to document it so that i can laugh over it in the future.

(:
heh. alright. i slept the noon away (after i went to jog off 3 rounds of fats. ack, how exhausting.) so imma have to start work now.

tata.

2011-06-02T17:22:00.003+08:00

read some old conversations.
it was kind of uncomfortable at first, but then it helped me realise that my past is real.

15th feb 2008 till 7th oct 2010.

<:)
despite all the grammatical errors and lameness,
the conversations were pretty sweet.

well, most were. except for the one that i had with zhenling. that was gross in a funny way.

lol.

2011-05-31T00:45:00.004+08:00

looking through old photos for art now.
all the photos of my little brother reminds me how cute he is, actually.
especially since he's in msia now, unable to annoy me by annealing his eyes to the computer.

(:
i wished for a didi when my mum was pregnant.
glad my wish came true.
glad the didi i got is him.

(i'll probably scratch my face off wondering why i typed this when he comes back from his vacation and irritates me again. hahaha. the joy of sisterhood. boo.)

2011-05-18T01:08:00.002+08:00

tmd. what kind of * is this.
i spent more than 5 * hours on it and you return methis sloppy piece of *.
cant believe i have to bring myself to thank you for this.

you dont think i know what youre busy with?
well *, i've got the same issues at hand ok. we're gonna take the same tests, babe, yeah wow, so youre surprised that i have tests too?

i dont know why i put up with this. youre the one who needs this. not me. and i'm only doing this because i know you need it.

so stop doing crap and come up with somethng decent.

2011-05-15T18:12:00.002+08:00

yesterday i watched a horror about a cannibal called Eater.

I watched it midway, i think, when he was capture and placed in the jail cell. When i was overwhelmed by the suspense and stuff, i quickly messaged wanying cos i thought it was gna be the best horror i'll watch anytime soon.

then wan replied instantaneously and said she was watching too!
it was really exciting to watch the same show and comment at the same time, like "ahhh the girl's gonna dieeee" or smthng to that effect.

i do remember wanz telling me the girl was doomz, and i was as hyped up as she was cos REALLY, THE GIRL WAS DOOMZED!! THE EATER WAS LOOSE AHH!! AND HE...he looked abit like Snape.

the ending, however, was lame.
the girl knew she couldnt escape le, so after having her hand and ears chewed off, she quickly rushed to some storeroom and ate rat poison so that the eater'd die when he ate her body.

wanying and i sent the same kind of message once the ending was revealed. wan was like "??? she sacrificed herself." (something like that, i cant remeber the exact words D: ) and she commented that the eater looked like marilyn manson.

while she sent that, i was busy typing a message about how the ending was not nice, and that the eater looked like professor snape.

LOL.
coincidence?
i think not.

it must be the eater's chants affecting our thoughts!
O:

sacrificial death doesnt really work in horrors, eh?):

to be honest the plot was quite cliche (until the end where we had the unexpectedly lame ending) but it was scary cos the audience (us) knew what was going to come, and it frustrates us that the female lead couldnt see it!!

and there was a scene where they flashbacked to the eater's past crimes. thats when the female cop (the female lead) was readingthrough the eater criminal's report.

it was really sick.
he tied the starving (skinny la, idk if she was starving), victim (lady, of course. female screams are more dramatic) to some chair in his shed-looking place, and she kept yelling hysterically. so he clipped her tongue off using some pincer looking thing that my dad has. yknow, those blunt tools, usually with orange handles?
then he boiled and ate it. the tongue, not the pincer-tool.

she was still alive, of course.
her tongue looked like pig's tongue. the ones that you find in kueh chap.

---

it hasnt been a productive weekend.
sighmax.

2011-05-14T13:01:00.003+08:00

i forgot to mention that some vendors came down for healthweek in DHS. they have some machine thing that'd determine your fat percentage, muscle mass, etc.

and it costs $5.

seriously. why would i want to pay $5 to let someone tell me i'm fat.
i'd rather spend the $5 getting yummy food and growing fatter.

linda shares the same sentiments haha.

2011-05-14T12:42:00.002+08:00

i tried to enlarge this, but it just gets blurred.
i found it really funny hahaha.

loved the EDS nite performance. Amanda was so darn pretty, and Esther had such a sweet voice! Cassandra was...cassandra's usual self, and yingying was demonic when she was in that cage lol.

Esther's mum recognised shenghan but not me.
upsets much.

went home with shenghan and tzyyshuan. they hit off really well. wow, i wonder how tzyy can stand him, really, hahaha.

ok gotta go. need to do science society stuff (dont worry linda, not with the president LOL) and finish it before i have to go for SC!

yea, officially pass down le, but we havent had a proper regeneration yet.
D:

oh and yesterday i found out that my essay scored highest in class!
quite embarassing to have my essay zapped for others, but i guess i'm glad that i did well(:
hope i can keep it up ><

lagging so much in studies. Boy, do i need help :\ *says in cowboy tone*
Got to trust that God will lead me somewhere.
(:

signing off,
the agnostic one. as of now.

2011-05-11T00:31:00.002+08:00

oh, and i remember in yr3 shiyi asked ruonan and i to do a survey thing about first aid.
"what do you do if you get stung by a bee?"

my dear ruonan wrote "ask for God's help"

i thought it funny at that point in time, but now, i see that she truly has a point.
(:

God is good to believe in.
(i cant say the same about religion though.)

2011-05-11T00:12:00.002+08:00

today, the library was more packed than usual cos of the sweltering heat.
we horfuns took out height and weight today.
t'was ok la. not much change in my statistics...
which is rather strange cos it doesnt account for my ballooning size.

to those who feel down cos of your body measurements, i assure you, youre pretty and thats what counts. yeah you. actually, just you. bet youre not reading this though, ninny.

ms gao was encouraging during studio today.
i now know that i should work on colours more cos i do watercolour better than pencil drawings:)
i'm not too sure how to break free and truly explore whatever i have at hand, but i can only try.

ahh, today is a positive day.

dinner with chua after weeks of postponing it. we discovered an eyeball lady(!).
the rest of the content is too chaotic for proper disclosure. thus i shall not attempt to narrate our conversation.

bio cancelled today.
had more free breaks wheehee.

rain this morning was extremely pleasurable.
chao shuang de! :D

econs test tomorrow.
i should at least read through my notes.

i have taken an interest in speaking mandarin.
though i'm not very good.
i just like the sound of it.

k shall go find my econs notes.
tata, love.

i hope i can wake in time to go to school with jenn tmr.
ive been late/need to go school early so many times that i feel like eons have passed since we last met!
misses much(':

ahhh. 1230am now.
maybe i'll sleep.

byebye!(:

*p.s. today jas and i didnt manage to meet after H1. but i'm glad i saw her before econs yay.

2011-05-09T18:04:00.003+08:00

oh, and i'm unhappy with my piano theory results.
wl. i shouldnt have double checked.
if i hadnt, i would have gotten that distinction.

just 2 marks.
lost because i changed my answer out of inecurity.

):<

hai. ok. i concede that its my fault for not being sure of my piano materials.
i shall tell my parents about it later today.
they're napping.

wish i could nap too haha.

the stadium beckons.
bye.

2011-05-09T18:00:00.002+08:00

happy mother's day. belated.
havent done much this weekend. but then again, whats new.
gonna go jog now. too fat for my own good. not that one jog'd help.
shall do art when i come back. been dreading and procrastinating till today.

had cr meeting this noon.
chatted with the yr5s on the way home.
(:

meeting again next saturday.
its not the end of SC.
not yet. especially for cr.
(:

2011-05-03T00:05:00.001+08:00

i'm a reincarnation of Slack.
dont know how to save myself.

the door to the counsellor's always closed. so uninviting. i dont know if i should knock, cos she might be seeing someone else inside.zzz.

what happened to the relatively hardworking teoee from 2010?
help me find her please.

2011-05-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

feel ugly.

2011-04-29T20:39:00.002+08:00

Today esther gave me a really good scare as well as an amazing surprise!
she messaged me during the art trip today and said in a very serious tone that i should check my email asap because there's an urgent mail. i was damn worried leh! but, being the ai mian zi person, i pretended to be cool about it(tried) and told her that i wouldnt have access to the internet till later tonight so it'd have to wait.
then after parting ways with wan and chua at tampines mrt area(they went for dinner tgt), i half ran home LOL.

AND TO MY UTMOST SURPRISE, i saw that SHE HAD WRITTEN A PQ ASSESSMENT OF MYSELF FOR ME!!!

what does this mean? it means that

1.she still visit this ban si bu huo de blog!
2.she thinks i'm worth the amount of time that she had spent doing the pq up!(having done others' PQs too, i understand how difficult and time-consuming it is)
3. i got to see how much she knew me and how involved she is in my life from the way that she had written the PQ

i am so touched! THANKS ESTHER:D
ive just finished sending sandy some science society stuff...gonna bathe now. goodbyebye!

2011-04-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

im so proud of the PQs that i have written for my peers. i think i can make a business out of it liao hahaha. but why is it so hard to write my own?):
wish i could see myself from a third person's point of view so that i can write objectively, and without humility.
this is so harddddd. someone, please write my pq for me boooo.

2011-04-27T20:40:00.002+08:00

fralala. went for drakon cip interview today.

kind of excited about working with children, though they seem too smart for me! *sweats*

the interview took longer than expected, and its kind of scary actually, because we had to think on the spot and browse through our entire life's worth of experiences to fully answer the questions.

but it was much fun!
laughed a fair bit throughout the entire trip.

tomorrow chem test! 4 topics D: i havent started studying cos there has been so much going on!(plus, i slept the long weekend away from bad flu). will probably start after i do CCA stuff.

maybe i wont study.i dont know. so tired boo. havent recover from flu yet, though its sooooo much better than before. yay!:D

JOVINAAAAAAAAA!JASMINEEEEEEEE!CHEN WEIWEI, AND ESTHER HONG! TAI BANG LE, GWH! CONGRATS!

i'm meeting Mark and Dr Yap tomorrow..

Seven a.m., woken up in the morning

Gotta be fresh, gotta go dhs

Gotta have my bag, gonna have no break

Seein' everything, the time is goin'

Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'

Gotta wake up from my dream/ stop

Gotta catch my breath, i see no end

Sleepin' in the front seat

Sleepin' in the back seat

Gotta make my mind up

Which seat can I take?

i like Black spoofs.

2011-04-23T16:07:00.002+08:00

helloooo. the paragraphing thing is not fixed yet. i have to post in the html format and put < br > (without the spaces) after each paragraph to separate it. yucks.

i'm sick. really bad flu that has had me wasted my entire tissue collection, plus an annoying cough. been feeling feverish too, but my temperature, as indicated by the thermometer, is not high. in fact, its lower than my usual temperature, though i feel as though i could boil an egg in my blood already.

good friday was spent lazing around. i'm reaaally unmotivated. i googled about why i feel feverish, then i googled about art (which reaped ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.), then moped around and slept so much that i think i'd decay on my bed.

then i googled "why am i so lazy" and i got a yahoo answers search result.

i am not just broke these days. i'm in debt. class fund, piano fees, forgot to pass hanxi $50 for art..

gosh i sound like a bum. jobless, lazy, in my sweatshirt all the time, in debt, angry/sian/-.- alot of the time...

i read black beauty in school last thursday. my love for reading has been rekindled(:

but everytime i read, i know i could be doing something else for academically worthwhile, so i dont. though i dont end up doing the academic stuff in the end either cos i'd mope around.

i'm so screwed.

2011-04-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

my life really revolves around a few things only. at each point in time. you can tell from my posts.

at one time, it was all guides guides guides.

at another, art art art.

sleep is always a hot topic, of course.

lol i'm so boring that i bore myself to sleep. again.

today linda told me that she missed me during chem (while i was away at art consultation). happyyyy:D

and xiaowei, pearlyn loh, and muni cheered for me during 2.4km run today. (though i didnt do well today. boo. Ms Kuah said that i could have been better. hm. guess i'm more happy that miserable about that, cos it means that she thinks i can do well whee.)

today jas helped me carry some of my art stuff around school cos i had alot on my hands. thanks so much jas:D gratefulness!

xuhong jasmine and i discussed our 2Anzio days in the canteen today. had so much fun:)

jess said that we shouldnt be stressed about art cos Ms Teh said that being upset'd make us physically ill.

yeah i agree leh. i felt as though a fever was coming on today and kept asking people if i looked/felt/seemed sick.

jovina even touched my forehead. not scared i pass the potential-fever to you ah hahahah:D

drinking pokka green tea now. hoping to stay awakeeeeeee.

2011-04-18T22:00:00.002+08:00

really sleepy. how? sleep first then wake to do work, or work, then sleep?

usually "work, then sleep" doesnt work cos i'd sleep anyway, and i'd produce lousy work.

but sleep then do work? well, prior to the "do work" part, i kind of need to wake up first..and i doubt i will. really. there's so much risk involved.

i need to do some art. some proper drawings, because whatever i use to do are unacceptable, and i need to read the books that ive borrowed about art (which im interested in:D ooo architecture! im hoping to be able to steer my project into the architectural direction. though i dont know how to, and if its advisable to.)

i also need to pack my bag so that i remember to bring my art stuff tmr! if not, i can eat shit and die liao.

wahhh super sleepy D: howwwwww.

2011-04-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

Virus reminds me of my Teacher.

He/She also thinks that we will choose option a) when he/she puts us down, and he/she gives comments that are not only frustrating (because it makes us feel stupid and small), but humiliating at the same time.

2011-04-17T22:23:00.003+08:00

when someone thinks youre not smart enough, what do you do?
a) work harder. i'm gonna prove them wrong.
b) yeah whatever. ignores you.
c) why bother with any work then. it wouldnt help since i'm not smart.
d) punch their face.
e) indulge in self-pity.

i think few'd choose a, because people only improve when they are reminded that they can do better, not when theyre told that they cant.
i really liked the scene from 3 Idiots (hindi movie), when [spoiler]............................................................................
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Joy writes "I quit" on his wall and commits suicide. I'm not being sadistic about it, and i dont promote death or wdv...but i do know that this thought (the suicide thing) has crossed many's minds before, at one point or another (i can name 4 offhand). Yet its a fantasy that few will live out.

2011-04-12T23:58:00.002+08:00

this is a positive post simply because i need it to be. it will negate whatever's happened in school today:D today, i had fun in school and pearlyn made me a paper crown which said "swishy queen".(LOL?) kajun was very friendly to me and it made me want to set fire on boys(in general) a little less. hanxi and chua offered to help me with art. wan and i had a romantic stay in the canteen after art, under the stars(separated by the schl ceiling though). she had an exciting egg-eating moment. eggciting. chua invited me to dinner with han and wan(though i'm too broke to accept for this month, at least. i keep eating in school.) oh another happy thing. i get to eat alot in school. after wan went home, i sat in the canteen by myself and came up with a really poetic line. it could be the title of a song too. but i dont want to share it on the blog wahaha. pearlyn msged me and made me smile because she's so lighthearted, funny, concerned, comforting, and she tells me things that we like to talk about/discuss. my mum made pizza for dinner. i will sleep now even though i havent studied, because i kept thinking about bad stuff. that's a good thing. sleep. bye.

2011-04-11T20:41:00.003+08:00

how come i still cant type in paragraphs?): blogger, why euu liddat? maybe i try to colour code each paragraph. today i didnt get scolded by Ms Gao for not having done anything over the weekends, even though i had expected her to throw me out of the class. i was pretty demoralized and stuff after ages of stagnation, and i felt like giving up since i wasnt gna do well anyway..[i've always been a best-or-nothing-at-all-person.(c.f. the time i wanted to throw my silver sports day trophy away cos it uh, wasnt gold)...]but i think i received some kind of omen from a higher being, which encouraged me and made me feel renewed enthusiasm for my coursework(: i was bracing myself for a big scolding, and was pretty ): in the morning..so much so that linda noticed it from my backview, LOL. but when i went to the artroom, Ms Gao said she had to observe lessons in another room, so i felt less-pressurized and had time to do some planning on a piece of paper (a continuation from last night's work). Then, sensing the lightened mood (as is often the case when teachers are not around and students are free to express thmeselves), i began to work on my ideas and even started on a small model that i expect to complete tomorrow!:D Wanying and hanxi cheered me up loads, and i wanna thank chen weiwei for showing concern this morning even though i probably looked as unapproachable as i felt as i dragged myself to the art room. Isabella told us some funny life stories too, and it made me :) too. whee. i went back to class with much :D-ness (until some trivial thing happened in the lecture, which i'm sure nobody noticed, but i minded alot..haha), and it lasted till past-napha. was happified when pearl, jas and weian kind of acknowledged my presence during the gp lecture too. i felt that i hadnt been forgotten even though i share so little academic time with them cos of my subject combinations:) (though yea la, they looked and giggled in my direction, and passed notes to me during class to "comfort" me about having to listen to a gp lecture about math--my nemesis. hahaha.) napha was quite alright. i havent done my 2.4 and i expect to do it next monday, but today's 5 item stations were fine. i got what i expected. poor sit and reach, but otherwise good performances.(ok actually i thought shuttle run was a goner too, cos i prefer long-distance running, but i turned out to be surprisingly ok. that was the only unexpectancy.) i still separate my post into paragraphs for the sake of writing conventions, but whether it shows on my blog like that or not is really not within my immediate control. paiseh. oh, and ive told pearlyn this (my like-minded bud), but i just wanted to say again, here, that i really like linda. Glad we have H2 Math periods to spend with together. i like my friends:D

2011-04-10T19:51:00.002+08:00

i dreamt that i had fever at the beach, and my teacher sent me to someone for a bath, for 30cents. a lady gave me a thorough bath in seawater and the bath took hours. when i was done, she told me that it was $30.00 and i was slightly surprised. then i dont know what happened and i woke up, almost late for piano. im so lousy. i feel lousy despite the A for PW. i doubt i can get straight As and i'm really unmotovated/undisciplined. im so sleepy all the time, and i slept my saturday away. then i slept today too, before piano, and finding wanying. art should be a hobby, not an academic pursuit. at least, in my case. i wish i hadnt taken it, because i want A. and art doesnt garauntee that. its probably a false dichotomy, but i feel as though i must choose between A for art and lower grades for other subjects, or the other way round. ah sigh. this ranting's pointless. bye.

2011-04-06T00:03:00.002+08:00

i slept really early yesterday. still woke up late, and was almost late to school though. lucky i still have 1 leg to run with. had a long dream, but only remember parts of it. i think it was 2 dreams actually. one was of me, running around in the current dhs campus, on the 2rd floor near the spiral staircase, with my tooth. t'was large, like a clay/dentist-style model, except that it was mine. i dont remember if what i felt was pain, but i didnt feel fear. i just didnt know what to do with that tooth so i carried it around in my palm, trying to find someone for advice. the second was longer. or at least, i remember more. i was at a camp with some kids that i dont know. then i made friends with some person A. not very close, but she was someone i stuck around with since i didnt know anyone else. then we were brought to a sort of small drain in a part of the campsite (the rural, trees and grass kind), where we watched this poor squirrel-like animal get chased around by some sinister-like fox/weasel animal to and fro the drain. poor thing, the smaller animal looked like it was going to break down but the weasel seemed to be enjoying it. sicko weasel. the squireel-looking thing squealed for help many times, and idk if i was the only one who had heard/understood it, but i was definitely the only one who seemed to have noticed its appeals,... but i didnt go help it cos i was too cowardly. i was afraid that get into trouble with the weasel-like thing for messing with its sick game. though i felt really ashamed and guilty, it was not enough to make me risk my safety for the sake of the squirrel's. ): i'm a horrid person. hope im not like that in real life, sigh. the weasel's really really very scary.. the campers were constantly warned of it and we lways tried ways to protect ourselves from the weasel...from night patroling, to sticking with our buddies 24/7 and travelling in large groups etc..having torches with us wherever we go too. when we lined up in twos to determine the buddy thing, i cried to that friend of mine "stand here leh D:". but she was indifferent to me and shifted up the line that she was in. i ended up with this small looking girl, whom i later made friends with too. i never saw that friend of mine since then. maybe cos the campsite was big. anyway that small friend didnt look japanese, but when i asked for her name, she told me some long jap thing, so i attempted to talk to her in jap and i asked if she spoke japanese at home. to which she replied yes. uh. then i lived in constant fear of the weasel until i woke up and was almost late for school. the end. i dont know how to infer the deeper meaning of dreams, though i believe in Freud's theory about how dreams are our mind's way of organizing the things that we learn in the day, and that its our subconscious' way of accessing our consciousness. but in case i ever want to find out about my dreams, at least ive got them archived here.

2011-04-04T20:48:00.004+08:00

noon spent at wanying's on sunday was fun:) sat birthday dinner was good. today talked to pearlyn and learnt alot. tomorrow. ah tomorrow is a long day. hope linda's ballet competition went well. i like linda even though she's queer. so glad to have friends like jenn and pearlyn. lovely to be around hanxi and chua as well. wannung, where art thou. JIAZHEN CONGRATS!!:D youre amazing i'm so happy for youuuuuuu. my post is meaningless. i'm a little too spent from the day to type a proper post. till next time, MOFO. :D

2011-03-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

doomsday #2 i havent done art #1854265432546 si liao. si liao. mei you jiu liao. i dont know how to use photoshop. jeez i'm so sure i'll fail art. especially coursework. everybody else is so sure of what theyre doing already, and i'm still stuck. i dont like self-driven subjects/ work. ): si liao. if only art was just creating stuff that you like. like the primary school art days. Peh introduced Merry Xmas Mr Lawrence to me. its sooo nice! youtube it! (: was in the spirited away animation. whee.

2011-03-20T01:52:00.002+08:00

day...no. weird way to start the post, considering that i'm posting this in the night-time.
it's 1.54am now.

(note: correction, its 1247pm now. i started this post last night but am continuing only now cos the computer decided to shutdown on its own.)

i like starting my posts with "day something" but i dont know what to follow after the word "day" anymore cos i'm off the 30day study thing. hee.

i woke up at 5pm today.(i meant, yesterday)
after a marathon of camps and stuff in this loooong holiday,
i realised that i havent actually done any work. academic work.

sat- 6c45 cip
sun- nus open house and drakon sc gathering
mon- finally, a day without anything on. i spent it on bio photosynthesis tutorial...and thats about it.
tue- nexgen, a leadership seminar co-hosted by cr
wed- supposed to have nexgen again but i had rashes and stayed home to collate jc addresses in preparation for investiture (so i still havent done much work)
thur- sc camp
fri- sc camp
sat- today. like i said, i slept the entire day.
sun- tomorrow. piano, then cip.

awesome.
i havent been blogging, and since i havent done work today, i dont think i'll start now. might as well start proper tomorrow.
now, i shall go through each day in brief.

Sat-6c45 cip
Wonderful time with Linda, Hweetze, Jamela and Amanda. Did alot of passive smoking. I didnt know that there were so many people who didnt value life and health.

sun- nus open house and drakon sc gathering
Went to nus with my parents while my brother was away at npcc camp. met chen, and walked around abit with her. bumped into wan chua and hans too. then jenn xingfang pearlyn and esther hong. the trip was insightful. talked to a law student, who made the course sound really enticing. looking into industrial design/architecture too.

drakon sc gathering. pretty informal. the trip to chunseng's house was funny, because i mistook yiren for chua's friend. yunming, i think. so when he said "hi! teoee right? are you going to chunseng's house?" i got a shock and asked "Huh? how come you know chunseng?"

mon- i did bio photosynthesis tutorial. took very long cos i had to read the entire set of notes before getting down to the worksheet. then i wanted to do chemistry, but i kind of realised that ive lost my periodic table notes so...-.- all i did was bio.

tue- nexgen
kind of fun. had a gooood breakfast because it was catered by an external organisation. met really cute and vocal kids from sec3 and 4. spent some time singing with denise using the microphone in LT3. funny:D

wed-investiture stuff
nothing much to talk about. basically just using the net and surfing other school's website.

thur and fri- sc camp
fun. made friends with the juniors, heard their gossips, found a black-hole (inside joke with fellow ball-disliker), and ran 3.5km with all SCs (we met President S.R Nathan).

sat-slept.

sun- (back to the present)just got back from piano lesson. was playing minute in G. likes the song:D gonna go for class cip le. yay pearlyn and darren'll be there. funn.

facebooked yesterday and heard a really nice and catchy song!
no, not that reb black person's Friday eww. frowns.
the Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong song is so niceee!!
Alexandra Wallace was too impulsive to have used youtube to express herself. These sort of feedback would have been more effective if they had been directed to the school board or library management...sigh.
This new guy, i dont know his name, who had sung the chingchong song, has such a sweet voice.
:D i keep looping the song hahaha.

(Ching chong) it means i love you
(Ling Long) i really want you
(Ting tong) i dont actually know what that means~

Why is he less famous than Rebecca Black?

2011-03-12T00:24:00.002+08:00

i drafted a post.
too drained to explain why its a draft.

but just to quote from it,

why teach me about fairness when all i'll ever encounter is the lack of it?

2011-03-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

calling off plans to do the 30day thing. it just makes things feel like a chore.

today is a happy day although i think the morning didnt start out too good.
i cant remember why. but its not worth remembering now(:

i like Mr Lester Lim!!!
His GP lessons are so fun, engaging, and purposeful.
i really feel that im learning new stuff every lesson.
like formats, how to tackle questions, etc.
he sends us follow-up emails too!
wish he'd teach us forever.
(hi. i think this is the first time ive used this word in my blog. is it? i dont remember having said it before.)

initially, i wasnt convinced that i'd appreciate any other GP teacher besides Ms Huda.
but nooo, that was before i sat in Mr Lim's class.
i still like Ms Huda though:D

they teach differently, and i like both teaching styles.

i'm starting to like art lessons more and more!
initially i'd feel stressed cos i thought every consultation meant that i had to present what ive done etc to Ms Gao, and most of the time, i dont have enough material to discuss throughout the entire consultation (which occurs on a daily basis (except for wed))...
but now, i get to experiment with different art materials offered in the art room, and i am given a space (and time) to sit quietly and do my work! its not like i have to worry about whether i should be studying something else, because in my mind, the consultation is compulsory, and i cant change anything about it, so might as well maximise the time given..

this makes it very productive for me(:

had a tea party with esther tan today.
sat at the pavilion!
sat there during break with wan and han too. heard about hanxi's pen name, Bruise Lee. HAHAHA.

chatted with esther over some friend rice and french toast that we had prepared for the occasion.
too short a talk, but i'm sure there'll be a next time.

peh jun jie is disturbing, hahaha.
dillion laughed at his antics.

i met yangzhisiong in the mrt when i went home on my own.
he got on from bedok 0_0
and alighted in tampines.

friendly person, that yeoch(:

had chem test today.
twas quite ok(:
i didnt do well for the previous tests though.
first was because i didnt finish studying, second was because i got distracted ganging up against taoqin with joseph and didnt spend enough time memorising the alkene stuff.

but this time, i think i can do fairly well(:
(omg when i typed "fairly" just now, i accidentally left out the 'r'. is that an omen?D:)

man, i hope i do.

ok another happy thing about today, samuel tagged me in his facebook note! the one about Happy Happy Day!

he said to post on the walls of those "worthy of declaring a source of happiness"...

AHHHHHH :D:D:D

i am a source of happinessssss!!!

(sorry, i disregard the sentence in the last paragraph explaining that he tagged by convenience of whose names appeared in the side "tag panel".)

yayyyy.

samuel, i forgive you for firing me so many times HAHAHAA.

:D

to end off,

i may not do very well in GP (overall. my last essay was good, but my others and compre werent)...

but i like it alot :D

Thank you, God, for the wonderful day, regardless of the religion you choose to reach us through.

2011-03-07T22:17:00.002+08:00

dead-tired day.
i cant express how exhausted i am right now, so...its 1018pm now. goodnight.

when i wake, i might post about my encounter with toilet lady at century square.

art lesson tomorrow from 800am to 1130pm.
no holiday.
feel so left out from the rest of the school population lol.

the last time dhs had an A level good results celebration holiday, i had to go for 3rd lang lesson too.

i'm just not fated to have holidays.
or maybe its because i dont deserve them, as ms huda had implied to the GP cohort today.
):

help me work harder, Lord.

2011-03-05T20:13:00.003+08:00

day15

i said i'd start a new challenge this weekend. so i still have 1 more day to do that.
tomorrow, piano lesson in the morning, then cr meeting.

piano exam today was alright.
i changed my answer from the correct to the wrong one at the last minute. paranoia kills the cat.

reading Have a Little Faith by one of my favourite authors, mitch albom.
i kind of like the other books more because they sound slightly more fictional, but then again, i havent gotten to the end of the book so perhaps the entire story'd complement my impression of his other books.

upon hearing Mr Lim share an introduction that i had written for class practise 2 lessons ago, i've come to realise that the lack of consistent reading has compromised my english standard.
ive never really noticed what an avid reader i used to be in primary school.
it seemed natural to pick up another after i was done with one, and it was castastrophic to have to stop or pause or skip because of, say, a missing book in an entire series.

then i went to sec1, and although i still read, i spent more time trying to catch up with sleep, third lang, other academic subjects, buses (yeah i know. ive always been an omg-im-late person. it dates back to pre-school)...
and reading just kind of..hm. got dispensed with.
the few times that i tried to read in school during my breaks, i'd struggle to not seem like a geek or bookworm.
my classmates'd say " teoee's reading...still say she not hardworking-.- "
(oh, my mum has always told me that im too lazy. so i went to school telling others that i'm slovenly. i guess they didnt feel that way, and didnt appreciate that i introduced myself as lazy.)
so i decided to read less and less, although at that point in time i didnt seem to have much choice with work piling up, and changes to adapt to in my new school.
i felt a need to show that i really wasnt hardworking.

i wonder why i ever thought that way.

then i met shiyi. and she reads.
(yeah i know. 3 years since sec1)
although she didnt inspire a grand change in my attitude towards reading, i started to remember how i used read alot too.
then i picked up a few books.

the habit's hard to pick up.
all habits are, discounting addictions.

now everytime i read (though disappointly not very often), i wonder if i should be reading my school notes, doing tutorials, or tending to my cca stuff instead.
the concept of opportunity cost. sigh.

sometimes it ruins the book. sometimes it ruins my mood.
but often, i just continue reading because i procrastinate those so-called important work.

i remember once, before some tests/exams..perhaps eoys? i was hooked on some books.
my dad had said, "reading is for leisure. its no different from watching the tv."

is it, really?

the pleasure that i derive from both mediums are quite similar, because i'm only interested in the story (i mean good stories. not ben-10 style tv programmes duh),
but if reading's the same as watching tv, why is the latter frowned upon by my mum and the parental population at large?
):

ok i guess he meant that during exam periods, doing anything else besides studying is frivolous.
especially since i complained (to him) that i often cant finish studying.

but its thought provoking isnt it?
Why are books better than television programmes? Discuss.

hehheh.

ok i'm gna read my book now.
tutorials etc, tomorrow bah.
i need a break, and some recreation.

2011-03-04T23:44:00.002+08:00

daydream.

my brother's an npcc kid.

i survived 4 tests today.
art bio econs and gp.

chem is next thurs, lucky me.

bio test was just a review. econs was...informal. art was...madness and confusing. how come everyone wrote so much? i finished and had about 30min to spare leh D:
gp was...lol i would have liked an extra 30min or something.

lesson ended at 7pm+ today. dragged a very little bit.
then i rushed for piano. piano ended at 11pm.
joshua said i dont need to go for ss camp already since it'd be midnight by the time i reach. plus, ive got piano exam tomorrow morning so i'd need to leave early.
going there'd be pointless.

i'm eating my mum's best baked potato, drowned in bacon pieces.
mhmm..
eating transversel-cut apples too. thin slices. likes much(:
also drinking orange juice.

i'm trying to convert hunger for sleep into hunger for food.

not sure if it works, but i often do that.
in turn, the food undergoes another conversion to become fats, and the fats become me.
too bad energy cannot be destroyed, only converted.

converting fats to something else'd be too tedious.

today my brother let me swipe his mouth with bacon while chanting "give me good luck".
now all i can do is to hope for the best tomorrow.
lol.

bye. gonna eat and print stuff for tmr's exam.

(:

2011-03-02T23:54:00.002+08:00

Day13,

13 is a typical "unlucky" number.
M is the 13th letter in the alphabets.
M for Morons.
Ms Fang's Morons.

M for Monsters.
Math.
Moob.
Manc..(LOL pearlyn..are you thinking what i'm thinking?)

but i think 13 is a Misunderstood nuMber, because luck is a Myth and it ought not to Matter.
(though it does)

today pearlyn and i had a rather scary encounter in the cc.
O:
childish boys.
set them on fire >:\

i wanted to sleep alot while doing piano theory at the cc. so i called my momma just to tell her that i was sleepy.
she called me a chaogku (idk how to spell the dialect) and asked me to go home and sleep LOL.

oh yea. checking dhsmail requires discipline and bravery.
you already know youre not gonna like what you'll see, but yet you check it all the time.
on a random (or perhaps not) note, im suddenly reminded of songjia's presentation on zi can years ago. (eng translate: self-harm/mutilation)
lol.

i heard this today. nicee.
"there's only ONE way, TWO say, THREE words,....(i didnt catch the rest of the song)"
(:

ok. i'm tired. byebye.

p.s. i just want to sit by a tree with some food, and read a niceee book.
guess its not possible in reality.

2011-02-28T23:14:00.002+08:00

day12 (although this challenge is now bogus. will start new one over the coming weekends.)

today, people are still asking "what happened to your face?" even though those giant parasites have been on my face for almost 2 weeks already.
i did use the gel thing that hanxi,wanying, and chua got me for my birthday (THANKS!), but since i only slept about 3 hours thereabout, the net effect is still undesirable.

nvm. i'm not really bothered since my friends arent superficial.

today, i learnt that people can be really mean and judgemental.
what is not pleasant to you may be lovely to others, so what makes you think you can put her down?
I think she's very pretty. like a soft lily caught in dense mist.
now thanks to you, she may not believe me when i tell her so.

):<

today, i received a card from pearlyn. i know she must have spent alot of time on it. its amazing:D
Thanks so much pearl! Its so colourful and your message's so sweet:D
plus, i kept grinning to myself when i read all the "set them on fire" and "throw stones at them" or "boxes you" hahaha.

you always make things so special for me. thanks:D

today, jasmine sent me cute replies when i texted her. She's such an angel.
i think she goes by the practice of hearing, seeing, and saying no evil.

today, i reach home feeling tired so i'm going to do some sc stuff for tomorrow, abit of ss admin stuff, and sleep, even though i want to start studying for econs test..
got art test too.
and gp test.

all on friday. sigh.

chem test...i scored 60% because i didnt finish studying.
i will work harder. but i really think i should get some sleep.

goodbye.
(oh btw this morning was suay. but i shall let bygones be bygones. not worth mentioning. yups. bye. needa reach school at 720am tomorrow. i must not be late!!!)

2011-02-27T22:44:00.001+08:00

DOOMSDAY.

i didnt go to the swimming complex to take photos of myself submerged and half-submerged in water for art.
consultation tomorrow.

doomed.

econs test, revision for bio, chem self-study topic, gp test etc.
i have not touched.

piano exam. i have not prepared/learnt anything.

oh god. when will this stop?
i havent been slacking much leh, cos i dont feel rested.

sigh. i hate 2011.

2011-02-27T13:32:00.002+08:00

yester-day

the hairdresser shunbian curled my hair under no charge (i think?) for fun. its the temporary kind, which'd disappear after i wash my hair.
except that i have curly hair so washed or not, it looks somewhat the same.

pearl had slight curls too, which disappeared even before she reached home LOL.
jenn had straight hair :)

pearl and i met with another episode of transport issues.
last time we took the train together, we boarded the wrong one.
then when we took a chartered bus, we didnt know where to get off and was brought back to where we had boarded it.
then yesterday we took the bus from the wrong side of the road and ended up in bedok interchange when we actually wanted to go to roxy square.

we were running late cos of the mix-up so we hailed a taxi.
took some clumsy attempts before the right taxi came.
even when an available cab came, we couldnt board it cos it was changing shift at yishun and didnt want to zuo wo men de sheng yi.

plus we faced competition from this middle aged lady leh.
):
she went further up along the road to wait for the cab, so pearl and i had to wave hysterically before the cab came to us.
(oh the lady was somewhat blocked i think, so the cab driver didnt see her. lol. so much for the selective advantage nearer upstream of the road.)

jenn and peal passed me belated birthday gifts :D
cuteee blueee stufffs :D
very practical (and beautiful) highlighters (mine are goners already), pencil case (mine's a goner too. zip got yanked off when i um unleashed my enthusiasm for GP essay test), and a starry file with bearrrr (mine's not a goner yet)
:D
jenn got me an extra card thing that said "will wake at 3am for you" or something to that effect :D

oh pearl and i met some 45 horfuns at fish n co. for dinner.
weian got me 2 cupcakes from awfully chocolate :D:D
i am awfully pleased!!!
there's a card with luozhixiang's face too hahaha. her favourite idol.
the card's from taiwan leh :)
ya la, i'm not his fan, but she is mah. and giving me something that is dear to her makes the gift very dear to meeeee.

those who turned up included laiping, vivyan, weian, yongjing, pearlyn.
not alot, since the original number was 16, according to weian.
but i do agree with what vivyan said while we were waiting for the tables to be ready(:
it was a good dinner. funny, witty, and very female (oh uh yongjing left very early. hm.)

pearlyn threw a tantrum even though she was at fault (the joking way haha).
she go discuss about um. me. with vivyan leh. then when i protested (albeit in a less than desirable way, i admit. sorry la pearlyn. next time i shant traumatise you similarly le k), she grew very upset LOL.

oh but then we had icecream together. all of us. except for pearl (who was broke) and laiping (who wanted milk tea).

then some strange guy approached us at the bubble tea shop and offered to cut our hair cos he needed a model for his assessment.
vivyan's gonna be his model!!
oooooooooooo<3

im accompanying her though im not gna cut my hair cos i had had my haircut yesterday lol.
therefore...

i gotta leave. now.
BYEBYEEEEE.

(piano exam coming soon ahhh!)

2011-02-25T22:47:00.002+08:00

day9

this challenge isnt working. i wasnt ready for it. now im gna look at my timetable and plan my time propoerly so that i can actually achieve my goals.
will start another 30day challenge soon.

not planning anything tonight.
tireeeed.

was out with hans and chua for dinner after art. wan had other appointments.
did alot of crazy and epic things like laming outside hanxi's house and getting a shock when she suddenly opened the door etc..

too exhausted to blog all about it, but yeah.

good day.
except that i felt abit feverish about an hour before art.
it went away after that though.
(:

tmr out with some 6c45 classmates for belated birthday outing(:
then sunday out with the dragons for dinner too.
the rest of the time, i'd spend with art.
really hope i can do well although the prospect seems...): now.

oh and im abit hurt that ...nevermind. someday i'm going to own it, but no credits to you.

ya gna go sleep.
havent checked dhsmail for 2 days leh.
scared):
maybe i'd check tmr.
oh sighhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2011-02-23T21:48:00.002+08:00

Tom: Today is day... day what?
Mary: not day-what, it's what-day!
Tom: what-day?
Mary: Birthday!
(ok, i think its day6. or day7.)

:D
Happy birthday selina, saufi, michelle, and teoee!

This birthday's been quite an awesome one.
The gifts are really meaningful, and i want to share about them, but in order not to turn this into yet another rant, i wont.

Thankyou everyone though. All your xinyi, wo dou ling le.

Its amazing that people bother about my birthday, when there are so many other urgent things to do, like study for tests, study for tests, and study for more tests.
Really, we have so much on our academic plates right now,
so im really touched that you guys put in effort to make today so special.

i received texts from people whom i didnt expect to hear from, like kiatshing, samantha, jiajun, subin.. and it really made my day, those sweet surprises.
Some event sent the messages at 0000h sharp last night! (when i stayed up in a lousy attempt to chiong bio for today's test).

and many people hugged me in school<3
(even Jane!!!)

My family made the evening a relaxed and joyous occassion.
I met them at the Thai restaurant for some good food, and my brother waited for me to get ready before we walked to the restaurant together. Sang some songs (badly) on the way there.

At home, my parents brought out a little cake that was suspended delicately in an ornamented box. Upon slicing the cake, i realised that it was an ice-cream cake from Haagen Daaz (i have forgotten how to spell it, sorry. please tag correct spelling if you know it thanks), and its my favourite flavour---raspberry!
(not that ive actually tried other fruit flavours lol.)

it was absolutely sublime.

i got to change out of my stale ole' school-based shirt too.

now, i gotta do some art work.
kind of spent, cos the day wasnt really smooth-sailing. i just omitted those pointless, not-so-happy things which i currently feel are not worth remembering.
also didnt mention alot of other things that happened even though they were good moments to etch in my mind...cos i'm really tired and i want to sleep badly. very badly.

so thanks guys.
it has been a great birthday.
sorry wan han and chua, that i didnt make it to the "grand surprise" that yall have been planning.
maybe just tell me about it in school tomorrow?:)

jenn xingfang pearlyn leeying, i only want to give the o_o face and go HAHAHA.
cos really, review the entire episode. i think you'd find it rather funny too.
sort of like, in a strange and maybe slightly perverse way?
glad things turned out fine in the end though!

alright. gotta sleep.
byebye.
(wake up to do art later D: i must must must must do well! hwachong was so good, i'm envious ttmmmmmm but i believe i can do it if given enough time and money!!!!! :D)

bye, loves.

2011-02-22T21:38:00.002+08:00

day6 i suppose.

happy things to announce,
1. adeline made a birthday card for me with rachel, cas, chaining, and her sweet messages' within! Thanks so much, darlings:D its such a classy and elegant card!

2. Mr Lim praised some of our GP essays (the test), and mine was one of those that he praised!! Really hope it'll extend beyond art questions :O

3. was awarded the gold nafa badge! had a small small small ceremony (actually just walking and accepting the badge, lol) with cuteee Ms Kuah!

4. went to HCI and RJC to see past years' A levels art work. awesomeeeeee collection. i am in aweeeeee omg. so inspired to fix my own coursework too.

5. wan han and chua planned something for my birthday O: anticipatesssss. they always have very creative ideas de. i wonder whats gonna happen!!

6. bio test tomorrow, so i dont have to study bio on my birthday.

less happy things, in corresponding numbers.

1. -

2. my last compre test was quite badly done. i hope this gp thing's not just a "fling". must last beyond one night!

3. if only everyone in the class had gotten it too. 只差这个就完美了。

4. demoralized at the same time. how can i ever be as awesome.

5. -

6. bio test tomorrow. i havent finished studying.

7. gp compre test on friday. so i still need to study abit on my birthday after all. especially since i have to improve from my poorly done test the last time.

8. i look horrid!

On balance, i am happy.

2011-02-21T23:58:00.003+08:00

day5

will be rambling today. my challenge does not work.

first, happy things:
i just found out that Weian and my dear 6c45 horfuns (i dont know who, specifically) have set aside saturday evening for the class to spend my birthday with me!!!
so touched that she/they planned this in spite of increasing workload and tests etc.

next week econs test leh.

and she remembered that i had a craving for fish n co some months ago (really quite random la. anyway i dont have that craving le lol) too! hao xi xin ya :D

<3my awesome classfriends.

happy thing number 2:

mummy and papa's bringing us out on wednesday to that thai restaurant. yay family is <3
i feel like i havent known them since i graduated from kindergarten.
time away from family is truly time wasted.

happy thing number 3:

actually nothing la. i just wanted to make it seem like i have alot of stuff to be happy about. lol.

unhappy thing number 1 (please skip unless youre bored. i typed for the sake of documenting my frustrations for future reference):

i am so exhausted that my homework thing seems unimportant.
shouldnt have pulled that all-nighter, especially since i only stayed up to do art, and it turned out bad anyway.

i have no direction. i dont know what i'm doing in art.
Ms Gao says she cant tell me what to do, and i understand, cos this is A levels after all.

but i feel as though i'm doing this using trial and error. i dont see any results. i dont know what kind of result i'm looking for.

then during consultations i am suddenly asked things that i havent considered, like what i want to do, what is my next step, what will i explore, what models/drawings etc will i make?

and i feel compelled to answer on the spot because theyre questions that i'm supposed to know i must ask myself de. but the thing is, i never actually know.

i'm always caught unaware and unguarded and its my fault because i should be prepared.
prepared for what, prepare by what, i dont know. just, prepared.

its like, moe just gives me a deadline, asks me to find a project myself, and thats it.
then i suddenly have to know what i want to work on, what to start with, etc, and yet, not have a definite end in mind cos i dont want to restrict myself in terms of creativity and exploration. i'm going around in circles.
and its a very small circle too, cos i know that i'm not progressing in my coursework.

just so you know, i dont regret taking art though.
im interested in it.
especially sova.

during gp today, i was dozing as though i was on drugs; jerkily and clumsily, cos i did try to keep awake. i pinched and whacked myself, tore at my eyes, etc but they didnt work cos i was really so tired. yet the minute Mr Cave showed images of europe, all the duomo, La Pieta, paintings etc, i suddenly felt very awake.

physically still sleepy la, but its like, my mind just freshens up.

sigh. likes europe.

well ya but anyway, Jackson Pollock, you are wrong.
art is not about the process. its about the end.
if your product is not appealing, its worth naturally falls.
if it is a far cry from your intended look, it is a failure.

H2 art makes me feel so stressed. i'd rather have bio test on 3 chapters every week in replacement of art's gruelling sessions.
you think its just that 2 slots in my timetable? nooo, misters and missus, there are compulsory studio slots embedded everywhere. before i even think through what i really want to work on, i find myself rushing some craft to show that i had done 'work'.

thinking is not work. its not concrete, and its not visual.

ok i will stop talking about art now because i havent done my work and talking about it just makes me sound stupid.

i havent even studied for bio test because ive spent all my time reading up junk, sifting through them to find relevant art stuff that i feel is worthy of telling Ms Gao about, and then finding that i dont have much to talk about because what i read up doesnt neccessarily link to my work/train of thoughts.

i feel so sorry that she has a student like me.

happy thing number 3: (the real one)
i had mass pe today and ran with jasmine (plus kajun near the very very end).
jasmine's so lovely(:

happy thing number 4: i saw adeline today and exchanged numbers with her:D
i miss p2!
been singing patrol songs during my supposed h1 extra chem lesson.

happy thing number 5:
TOMORROW IS, no sorry, today, IS THINKING DAY!!!!!:D

im not a yul/yal, but it'd be so cool just to jingli again. sigh:\

2011-02-21T05:59:00.003+08:00

day4

didnt sleep a wink. did the art thing in preparation for consultation.

spent the rest of the day at piano's (before that i was sleeping), as well as at jenn's, doing bio (excruciatingly slowly and unproductively), eating, and playing with dabian (aka tofukey), and watching very little tv.

not sleepy, surprisingly.
yet.

mass pe today. do not run beside behind me, i may not lead.
do not run before me, i may not follow.
do not run beside me, i will fall asleep and crush you.

oh, and btw my challenge is not working cos im doing things too slowly. havent even started on evolution for bio, and test is on wed but i end lesson at 7 on tuesday, and monday noon/evening is definitely not enough.

ahhhh.

oh
i will not be late in meeting jenn and pearl today.
ive always been late, so i go to school with a >< face most of the time.
today shall be different :D
so glad i didnt sleep yay. so i wont NOT wake up on time.

will sleep today/tonight though, cos that annoying pimple on my face is proliferating (LOL) like a cancerous cell; uncontrollably.
need sleep to inactivate it.

and i have no/non-obvious eyebags yet. am gonna try to keep that status quo for as long as i can.
so...

BYE I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!:D

2011-02-20T13:30:00.002+08:00

Day what? Day3?

ive kind of lost track of the days. havent been very focused.
i think this challenge is not working for me.

neeway, just wanted to mention that i havent listened to chinese songs for a long long while.
felt weird hearing some on the streets this morning.

listening to spears' hold it against me now.
i still feel that mandarin songs are more romantic in nature than english ones.
and korean songs have nicer beats.
lol.

going to jenn's with pearl later.
tata.

2011-02-19T14:03:00.002+08:00

Day2

much feedback on the inappropriateness of my if-i-dont-do-homework-consequence.
i will not do anything about it as of now because i cant think of what to replace with.

forfeiting dinner is the most impactful way, i think, because the effects are immediate, and apparent.

that'll make it easier to keep focused.

but
1. chua and esther tan said that its unhealthy
2. i will cheat if i am hungry

so i need something else as forfeit.
of course, the most ideal is to not have the need for forfeits cos i'd do my work everyday,
but i dont.

i usually do a very little and insignificant bit only before i sleep.

so how.
i'm gonna have alot on my plate, so if i dont start being disciplined, i'm gonna regret it. hard.

and anyway.
i didnt do my homework yesterday.
need to do bio prac, study for bio test, and do art.

oh, and i realised i have piano theory test coming in march.
i am so dead.

wants a sabbatical.

2011-02-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

Day1

i didnt finish my homework. only managed to do GP before i slept, thinking
"i cannot sleep. i have work. i cannot sleep. i have work"

so took late breakfast in school today, then no lunch. didnt go for dinner with chua either.

hopefully can finish my work tonight although i'm already feeling the sleepiness.
gotta do chem tonight, as well as bio practical, and copy notes into sova journal.
tomorrow do art coursework stuff the entire day,
and study bio with whatever time i have left.

my part1 notes' with baxter.
cant study till monday.
):

yup. thats my update for day1.
see how tonight. will update tomorrow.

(:

2011-02-17T20:47:00.004+08:00

i researched on how to form a habit.

i am going to give myself a 30 day challenge, and publicise my goal so that i'll find it harder to back out.

I, TEOEE, WILL DO MY HOMEWORK EVERYDAY.
EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Im not gonna be ambitious and add in 'study' or 'revise'.
just 'homework' is good enough to start myself off.

SHOULD I NOT COMPLETE MY HOMEWORK, I WILL GO WITHOUT FOOD AFTER TAKING BREAKFAST THE NEXT DAY.
(my subgoal is to eat breakfast everyday.)

I WILL REPORT TO THIS BLOG SO THAT YOU CAN KEEP CHECK ON ME.

IF I TAKE LUNCH/DINNER EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT DO MY WORK, YOU MAY GIVE ME DIRTY STARES FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK IN SCHOOL (but cannot call me names, because i am fragile).

i will start today.
ending date is 18th March 2011.

WHEN I COMPLETE MY 30DAY CHALLENGE SUCCESSFULLY, I WILL FIND A FRIEND'S PLACE TO SLEEPOVER AND TREAT HER TO A MEAL.
AFTER WHICH WE WILL DO OUR HOMEWORK TOGETHER.

there, i've typed it.
no backing out now.
i'm abit scared.
what have i done D:

duly signed,
TEO EE SXXXXXXXH

2011-02-15T03:50:00.002+08:00

friendship day was a packed day.
chem test was...-.-
art was quite alright, except that i now have a rather difficult task of making water out of no water. hahaha. quite cool, but tough!

thanks friends, for your cute little gifts. and chen, i got the yellow cookie leh hahaha. you still go tell me not nice LOL. i havent eat yet.
she bu de ttm ):

the cards all very cute, the chocolates all squashed, the candy still intact, the thoughtful photo album from esther hong with all our P2 orchid photos inside so niceee, gan rennn(':
(oh but the chocolate's squashed though, esther. ps.)

the pens with cute bunny cap came in useful cos i lost my wow-pow pen today ):
sadness. it could have made friends wtih bunny-pen.
the ink colour's sooo niceeee!<3
the other pen with the cool comb function thing, i havent use yet. but i'll bet its ink is amazing too. thanks so much pearlyn, love your gifts! (i havent eaten the gummies yet)
amazing wrapping and drawing tooo.

jenn gave me a bottlefull of pink and purple candyyy. the bottle is jin ko ai leh! reminds me of the big orange bottle that my papa gave me for christmas (sadly, lost. come back someday bottle) haha. imma bring it to school so that i can stay hydrated x) ahhhh cuteeeee bottleeeee for cuteeee jenn's cuteeeeee friend (ahem, coughs)!

laiping gave very prettily wrapped chocolates :D must have taken her long to do it up gahh hao yong xin ya, xiexie!

oh and yiting gave esther fiona and i sticky candy that they bought herself/themselves (as in, not ordered from homa's fund raising thing, i think. cos they were different looking stickies). thankyouuuu i was really surprised, its so unexpected!

(oh no, i shouldnt have gone into detail of the gifts thing, cos now i feel compelled to mention everyone but its 4am in the morning (i slept at 830pm last night while texting, lol.) and i havent done my work...can i just list your names?)

thanks esther tan, amanda, huihan, yongjing, jovina, hanxi...

oh hanxi i must mention! her card's soo nice!!x)

chua (oh wait i must mention this too. she gave some fancard looking thing with our photos hahaha. sweet! albeit unglam photos hahaha)..

shiyiiiiiiii,

ohh baxter!
my 6c45 angel (he claims).
he gave this art voucher thing so i can get $10 worth of art materials :DDDDD
such a thoughtful person whee.
wasnt convinced that it was him at first cos the writing on the card seemed too nice compared to his usual chicken scratchings (ps for describing it this way), but because he sounded so i-really-am-your-angel!!! so ya i believe him liao hahaha.

and and chen says she's my 4K angel but she didnt bring the stuff yesterday D:
so i cant write much about it here.

ya sorry i really need to go liao. its 5am now.
goodbye, and thanks thanks sorry all those whom i didnt mention.
xin ling le D:

byeeee.

P.S. thanks mummy, for helping me with the banana muffins (which jasmine hanxi pearlyn chen gave a thumbs-up to!)

2011-02-13T20:27:00.003+08:00

things at hand right now:

1. friendship day preparation: gifts and whatnots (:
2. 2 art essays that i have blanked at for a few hours already (research also cannot research sia. how does Chng Seok Tin address address the issue of man and his environment in her art? i dont even know what the issue is, let alone how she dealt with it. plus, need to compare with tang da wu's issue with the environment too. while i know that he's upset about what humans are doing to animals, i dont really see how he addresses it, and whats different about his approach compared to chng seok tin. sigh.)
3. chem test tomorrow. like what jenn said, "drop to h1 already still don't study?!"
4. bio test on wednesday. i see many people studying already, but i'm not even near studying.
5. consultation for h2 art coursework tomorrow! I havent prepared enough, cannot maximise the consultation. and i havent finished reading the 3 books that i borrowed about art, so very good. i shall once again be unprepared for consultation, and Ms Gao's gonna think that i have no interest in my coursework when actually all i wanna do is to spend my entire life working on it.
6. i have to wake up early tomorrow and reach school at 705am for friendship day sc stuff, and i'm afraid i wont wake in time so i doubt im gna sleep tonight with all the above stuff to do too.
7. i shall have no break to study for chem tomorrow too cos got art consultation (which is compulsory la, not that i book consultation even though i'm not fully prepared) as well as sc duties.

the good thing is, doing this post up has helped me feel better about myself cos i didnt hit #10.
yay. imma try to work on those 2 art essays again. ttyl.

P.S. i know wan, han, and (probably chua)'s like me now. why are we always liddat man. whyyyyy.

tomorrow is seriously fday leh.
O:

2011-02-13T17:07:00.002+08:00

by the time i woke today, half the day was gone already.
i woke at about 1430h.

settled some admin stuff here and there with regards to friendship day duty, checked my email, asked about art essay etc.

but havent done the 2 essays yet, nor done enough research on my coursework stuff. chem test tomorrow and i am anything but prepared.

bio test coming soon too.
oh sigh. playing catch-up is the last thing on my wish-list.

):

2011-02-12T12:43:00.003+08:00

yesterday, i found that i'm not the only one who has had a bad start in 2011.
i wish us all luck, friends.

Daniel's leaving ):
i think we'll all miss him. He's the best lab technician i know besides Ms Raja and Ms Siti.

i dont feel like doing anything at all today.
but ive got loads to do.
especially for art.

GP test was ok. i didnt plan. just went straight into it.
dont think i regret doing that, cos if i had, i wouldnt have finished in time.
econs quiz became open-booked, so i didnt do that badly. but then again, i didnt read the ontes before the quiz so by the time i flipped through it for answers, the test had already ended.

i only did the front page, which is like, 2 questions only LOL.
not counted though. wont affect year-end results. luckily.
still got time to brush up then.

charmaine's angel has been asking me to pass some candy to her.
so i pass to stephen, who's in the same class as her, out of convenience on the first day since i didnt see jo.
then on the second day and (third?) day, i passed it to him too, cos its already become some sort of partnership thing.
then on the last day hor, the angel passed the candies to me after flagraising so i didnt see stephen, but i met jo instead.

so i passed to jovina and said "JOVINA!!! pass to stephen to pass to charmain leh:D"
"why dont i just pass to her myself?"
"cannot! cos ive always been passing to him. if she suddenly receive from you, very weird."

then that smart girl just ignored me, turned around, and passed it to charmaine who happened to walk past.

-______________________-
oei. thanks ah.

see la, what if charmaine thinks im her angel now? if stephen had passed them she wouldnt suspect me cos i'm not very close to him.
zzzz.

jovina all your fault la.
):

but i'm really not her angel.
really.

zzz.
and jovina! i can imagine you laughing at this.
dont laugh D':